1. Thursday, April 20, 2006

    scott mcclellan was as good at being the Press Secretary 

    as his boss was at being President.

    but to be fair, being part of the daily coverup(s) in the White House is a tough job even if you arent closeted, weak, spineless, dimwitted, slow, dull, lacking, and completely full of shit.

    what this administration could have used was someone who knew how to sell an idea. they didnt need anyone any good, but they could have used someone.

    luckilly for the president the press, for the exception of a very small group of actual professionals, have acted as if theyre still in shock at the amount of malarkey that gets shoveled down their throats to actually stand up and call bullshit.

    david gregory does it, helen thomas does it, keith oberman does it. but thats about it. the rest of them are really no better than jeff gannon who gladly bends over for this group of charlatans, theives, bullshit artists, murderers, torturers, and drunken hunters.

    therefore scotty mcclellen was all that was necessary to throw out in front of the toothless corps.

    he will go down as a sorry excuse for a man. more boyish and fey than manly. i cant imagine any hair on his chest or muscle mass, let alone a set of nads. but thats typical with his associates.

    he lied to our faces. he stuttered as he thought, he looked around as he spoke, he seemed to have something else on his mind like what karl rove had instructed him Not to say as opposed to what he wanted to say.

    again, he wasnt much different than his boss.

    catching liars at work is a pretty easy gig. you watch them repeat the safe phrases, you notice how they dont want to continue on the topic at hand, you listen as they tighten their assholes as they speak. you take a drink for each time they blink.

    if he wasnt in a past life scott mcclellan would have made an excellent towel boy at at the mens sauna at an all-white country club. he would have brought a fine glass of lemonade. he would have been the boy most unlikely to fuck your daughter behind the elms on the 7th tee.

    he probably got good grades, was throttled after school, and folded his underwear before putting them away.

    the Lord hates liars though, but for some reason i predict that mercy will be shown on his soul for the hell that it must have been to be the epitome of the tool that he was forced to be after ari stepped down to avoid prison.

    i predict scott will choose one of two paths in the near future:

    a clean suicide in the bathtub of a fancy hotel in singapore after a week of drinking drugging and buggering.

    or a downward spiral into madness in a small apartment in iowa as the doors play on repeat and the local chinese place is instructed to come to the door at noon and at six each day.

    what we have seen is probably the worst job performance of any man since his boss, or his boss’s boss, the vice president, but fortunately for scotty in a few years nobody outside of the blogosphere or the beltway will remember his name and if he wants he can grow a moustache and be a substitute teacher in the ghettos of some urban hell in texas.

    which im sure will seem like a vacation in comparison to where he just was.

    personally i hope he grows a pair and writes a book about how he and karl held hands alot and discussed the irony that this administration sold out their own to get re-elected only to completely fail at everything that they attempted in the second term other than packing the court.

    march on, priveldged white male who sucked at his job, march on.

    a video collection of the best/worst moments of scotty’s era