1. Friday, April 21, 2006

    today is tomdog’s birthday 

    hes 79. so when my favorite magazine, Black Webmaster, called me up today to interview me because they had realized theyd missed my 6-month anniversary of working at Buzznet, i told them that i wasnt interested in any interviews today since it should be a day held in awe of the dog named tom.

    but tony, we love you and we want to look back at the accomplishments that youve made for our favorite photo and video sharing community.

    i was all, you people are stalkers. its almost creepy.

    they were like, but how many Bloggers get hired to blog and stimulate growth of websites these days?

    i was all, lots. some who actually get paid huge sums of cash.

    there were unmoved.

    i was dude andrew sullivan got hired on to blog at Time, Glenn Reynolds and Charles Johnson got hired on over at the Pajama game to spread the good news, those two dudes were hired to take over for ana marie cox at wonkette, hell even bro from blogebrity was hired to write about gossip in the sillycone valley. valleywag or some shit. bloggers are being hired in bunches.

    and then they pulled the race card and said, yes but how many are Black?

    i was all, todays tomdogs birthday.


    i was all today tomdog was born to two lovely people who never thought that their son would grow up to be anything more than a bass player in a legendary isla vista trio. Rogue Cheddar ruled and a lot of that had to do with tom holding down the bottom. as jesse jackson once said you can have a basket of apples but if the bottom of that basket is weak the apples will get rotten and the rottenness will rise to the top.

    they asked, reverand jackson said that?

    i was like of course fools.

    tomdog hasnt been on buzznet for even two years now and this morning he woke up and posted his 6,000th picture. but whats even more remarkable than that is at last count he’s made over 54,837 comments.

    everyone loves getting comments and tomdog has given more than anyone in that small period of time. close to 8 gazillion a day.

    Black Webmaster asked if i was done and i said no.

    i said tomdog is a proud parent of two, i believe. he keeps in shape by running triathalons. and he purifies water for the poor with his two bare hands. by magic.

    he has a blue ox named babe and a penis the size of a winebago that does his work for him as he comments on peoples buzznet accounts. he understands and knows fine music as well as foreign films. he cheats when he arm wrestles but in a very polite way and will accept ious for your gambling debts. and he can ride a bike.

    Black Webmaster said tony how many comments have you left while at Buzznet?

    i have been a loyal member since 2003 and ive given 1,287 comments because im very mean and a part time slacker. which explains my lack of triathalons as well. finishing them that is. ive started quite a few. i ride to the corner and get a 40 ounce of olde english and forfeit the race out of protest.

    Black Webmaster asked tony how many hits have you brought into Buzznet in your six months being employed there?

    i said about 11 million.

    Black Webmaster gasped. so i didnt tell them that it was probably closer to 12 million than 11 million.

    they asked how i did it.

    i told them hard work, knowing the web, knowing the blogosphere, knowing popular culture, and having the ability to work very long hours, mixed with the freedom to experiment in any way i saw fit.

    and then George Bush who had been listening-in called out Bullshit and hung up.

    and then hopefully ran out and sent tomdog an e-card for his big day.

    tomdog + tomdog + tomdog + world famous tomdog bug