because not everyone understands tony pierce. or likes him. or has much love for the busblog. and sometimes i wish i hadnt ever told anyone about this joint cuz then i could just tell the true stories of the highway patrol and nobody would move and nobody would get hurt.
sometimes i wish my best friend hadnt moved to africa to save the world. sometimes i wish i had a shoulder to lean on.
sometimes i wish my shrink wasnt an xbi spy keen on trying to figure out if i am a loyal agent or criminally insane.
sometimes i wish i was a baller.
i watch the sopranos and i think about how things are in my secret life and how people respect me and challenge me and nobody takes anything the wrong way because they know that we all have the same goal – pussy and more pussy.
sometimes i wish i was born in the 80s or the 90s so id be too young to know what its all about alfie and i could just smoke weed and finger surfer girls and get upset when they wanna do coke in the bathroom with the waterpolo team.
i watch the sopornos and i think why cant life be that easy, doorbell rings, two chicks enter, two more chicks arrive and soon everythings in slowmotion and lovable.
sometimes i wish wrigley field was right down sunset but instead im cursed with palm trees instead of ivy and seriously sometimes you have to take what the fake tits give you. and i miss you.
of course ive considered the lillies, of course ive asked the caged bird to sing, of course ive asked myself, self, how did i get here but my self never has anything insightful to say, or useful, all it ever does is pretend its not there so i can believe in God more or ponder the universe but sometimes when im waking up from a nap or a day dream i see it flipping through my hustlers with its jaw dropped.
and sometimes i wish i was anyone else because no one else knows the pressure of having to eat teenage pussy at midnight on an upset stomach when all you wanna do is lay in a hot tub or sleep or watch the lakers in a blanket
and hide from the moon.
if you think im sad youre crazy, if you think ive lost it ive never had it, if you think im bullshitting about any of the above or the last one especially youve never walked in my hitops.
and to the airsign who drunk emailed me or the aussies or even to my man steve nash just know youve made me happier tonight because sometimes its the little things that count the most.
so to you, before i puke,