1. Friday, May 26, 2006

    at the bottom of one of those pictures below, on buzznet, 

    is a caption that says “all of these nexus men now have children except tony”, and karisa asked me if i was upset about that, and i can honestly say hell to the no.

    i dont even want a dog right now. shit, this blog is enough responsibility for me and i would love to have an intern plagarize me in the future. remember when the renaissance artists used to have their “students” do their shit for them? ahhh, those were the days.

    thankfully i have all those reruns i can put up here when work gets too busy or the phone keeps ringing, or the girlies start blowing up the pager and the web cam.

    its not that i dont love kids, i do. its not that i dont love the blog, i do. its just that theres a time and a place for everything. and right now its time for pretty much all of my friends to have kids and its time for me to start reaping the rewards of this blog.

    last night a lovely young lass wanted to show me her uniform on the web cam. always one to analyze the amazing curves of my readers, i took her up on her offer.

    europe, where have you been all my life?

    now if i had a child, how could i have explained how daddy had his hand down his shorts while in the computer room? i mean seriously. and what would wifey say?

    i mean it was hard enough to explain to the chickey that what she was doing was driving me crazy and i had to do what was natural. fortunately she not only understood but asked me if i would lower the angle of the cam so she could see what i was doing down there.

    now what i find fascinating is this girl – IS A VIRGIN LIKE EVERY GIRL IVE RUN ACROSS LATELY – but was super into it. obviously not ho-ey, or slutty, and in a very cute way shy about things. she kept looking around to see if her sister would open the door but thankfully that didnt happen until the end.

    and i kept thinking to myself – “this girl can see your stupid face, your hairy fat belly, and your stupid clothes… your cam isnt forgiving, your closet is a mess. and shes got that huge smile on her face. how can this be?”

    and the only answer is its because of blogging. the biggest blessing of my life since the Nexus.

    for fun i put a wooden spoon in my shorts and played with it so that it looked like it was my schween. i was all, mind if i take out my rock hard wood? her eyes got huge. and she typed in “go for it” and looked at the door for her sister.

    i had both hands on the spoon so she couldnt see it. every now and then the head of the spoon poked out and her mouth gaped. i threw my head back and rubbed the spoon furisiously. as she was glued to her screen.

    eventually i showed her the spoon and she laughed.

    again, i couldnt have done that with kids bumping into me on their trikes.

    well maybe I could, but i doubt my wife would like it. so yes, im very happy for my friends, and my sister, and everyone with their kids. and im also happy that i can stay up late and do the things that i like doing best. making hot girls’ jaw drop.