1. Thursday, May 25, 2006

    a few years ago 

    yesterday i admitted meeting miss spain universe

    i first met miss spain universe, mar’a jesos ruiz garz-n, in a topless tapas joint in madrid in january 2000.

    she didnt know the place was a topless tapas establishment either, but we both took off our shirts and cozied up to the bar.

    i was there with two dozen of my closest friends to see rock group tsar.

    there being spain, not the topless tapas place.

    mar’a asked me if i was americano

    i said, si.

    she asked me if i liked my tapas

    i said, si.

    she asked me if i liked her cunt-

    then she coughed


    and i said


    she asked me if i knew more spanish than just yes and no and i said


    she asked me what other words i knew.

    i said, burrito, taco, guacamole…

    she said, we dont have those things here.

    i said, si.

    so we simply slowdanced to the spanish guitars and i sang her a little song that i made up there on the spot.

    i sang

    spanish girl
    in all the world
    i want a spanish girl

    she doesnt know
    how much i weigh in pounds
    she doesnt care
    that im 108, 108 years oooooold
    oooooh my spanish girl.

    she sighed and looked at me with eyes of a girl falling madly in love
    as the twinkle lights of the disco ball rained possibilities

    and the lines began to form outside the dunkin’ donuts across the pallazo.

    she said, i know how much pounds you weigh.

    i said, what about the metric system.

    she said, yes, but i know.

    i said, ah.

    she said, si.

    and i smiled.

    and i tilted my head to the exito

    and she said si.

    and we left into the madrid night forgetting our shirts

    and not giving a muchas gracias.

    art waif + the detox + sugarbaybe + top pic of amy collins