1. Tuesday, May 30, 2006

    hot chick was on me last night, i was drunk 

    i didn’t know how she got there. if there was a web cam in my house maybe you people could see that lots of times things just happen to me. i have very little control over the circumstances.

    life is fuzzy. things fade in and out. my legitimate kids will never have to worry about tv reception, but it’s like that sometimes. flashes like a strobe light.

    bowling. riding. drinking. smoking. church members. bicycles. back door. phone ringing. groceries still on the floor. knock at the door. phone ringing. ice cream. soda. phone still ringing. pee. door bell rings. take off shirt. take off shorts. take off shoes. oops. cell phone rings. turn on computer.

    people know i don’t open my door at night still they try to trick me with fancy knocks. heres the secret knock to get me to open the door: don’t knock. don’t ring the bell either. don’t call the phone, don’t call the cell phone. get me on instant messenger or write an email.

    better yet, write about me on your blog.

    blonde girl wrote about me on her secret blog. then she instant messaged my ass. phone rang. unplugged the phone.

    she said she wanted me to call her and talk dirty. i said i just unplugged the phone.

    she said she wanted to come over just to sleep.

    i said we’re not just going to sleep.

    then she said things that are the right things to say to a drunken man who had just bowled a 95 and was served three shots of 151. she said i was beautiful. she said that no one touched her like i did. i asked, with my hands? she said with your hands with your mouth with your words with your thoughts.

    i told her all i had were dirty thoughts and she said sexy isnt dirty then she said that i taught her that. then i said i was going to bed. then she said she was coming over to leave the gate open.

    went to bed. let the gate open. fell asleep. woke up. is someone trying to kill me. kill me then. fell back asleep. who’s saying my name. who’s whispering my name. who’s playing with my chest hair. who’s telling me i have gray chest hairs. three of them. four of them.

    who’s telling me they don’t care if i don’t wake up. that they know how to wake up.

    who’s awake.

    originally posted, may 30, 2003