1. Thursday, May 18, 2006

    i think jealousy is the strangest human emotion 

    especially when it comes from adults. i can understand it from children who dont know any better, but if you walk around this globe long enough you see that people with fancy cars or big houses or tons of money or great clothes have just as much difficulties enjoying this ride as those without.

    both johnny cash and bob dylan have recorded a song called satisfied mind that starts off “How many times have you heard someone say / “If I had his money, I could do things my way?”/ Little they know that it’s so hard to find / One rich man in ten with a satisfied mind.”

    the tune isnt about the rich having more troubles than the non rich, its about how everyone has a struggle with inner peace, real inner peace.

    you might see a pretty girl walking down the street seemingly without a care in the world, or a skateboarder doing a sweet grind by the beach, and we can all hope that they’re in the spiritual place that they want to be, but everyone has wants, everyone is looking for bigger and better, anyone who says theyve got it all and theyre stoked is probably not being totally honest with you or themselves.

    i do my best to be honest with you here, so when i lay out the things that i would like, dont think that its because im bummed with what i have. at my age there are tons of things that i should have: new car, big mortgage, kids, pretty wife, sassy interns, gray hair, a couple of dogs.

    but the funny thing about life is, its that life gets in the way, and instead of one pretty wife you end up with a dozen pretty girlfriends and a half dozen pretty girls who just want to get naked with you, instead of a mortgage you end up with a killer apartment with cheap rent, instead of a new car you end up with a used car that runs perfectly, instead of a couple of dogs you have a couple of blogs.

    so when johnny sings how he hopes to leave this old world with a satisfied mind it makes you think that hes talking about something deeper than what goes on during the board game of Life.

    anyone can choose to look around and be unsatisfied with what they have, but i try to keep a positive attitude about things. would i like to be in the technorati 100 one day? of course. but im completely satisfied being in the top 400 out of 34 million blogs. would i like to have a steady girlfriend who wears a i heart tony gstring to bed, definitely, but in the meantime i will settle for dating girls who dont believe in underwear at all.

    one of the best things that los angeles has taught me is that the american dream is vastly overrated. the concept of birth school work death is fine for lots of the people from where i grew up, but i bet you if they had to do it over again some might have chosen to stray a tad from the beaten path.

    little did i know but there has always been something in my heart that has been secretly trying to convince me to learn how to replace work with rock. there have been a few years where i was able to do that, and “working” for buzznet where ive gotten to travel the world and get paid to cover rock festivals and get to meet lots of you is one step on the path where i want to be.

    if you would have asked me in college if i thought id be married by now or kissing swimsuit models and roller girls half my age i would have told you that for sure id be married by the year 2000, definitely. and no way could i have imagined getting paid to do half the shit i get paid to do.

    and even though im living the life that i am, and even though ive been pretty content since breaking up with my last live-in girlfriend, i still miss her deeply, even moreso now that shes in deepest darkest africa.

    everyone hears the demons in their head that whisper “you should have more by now” and “you deserve what that guy has more than he does” or “you should live on that hilltop, not them”

    i think that what will keep you happier though is to appreciate all the magic that sprinkles down into your life each day and savor it after it’s gone, but most importantly i think its in your best interest to life your life, not carol brady’s, not leave it to beavers, not your college roommate’s. your life. because your life has its own agenda that might not include all the trappings found in highend preppy east coast catalogues.

    deep down i have a hope that ive been the one deciding my path in life, but secretly i think someone way cooler has been nudging me to where i am now, which is why i was so satisfied simply riding the bus than having to drive a car. however roadhead has been a very pleasant bonus.

    who am i jealous of? anyone who gets to regularily see the cubs play while drinking old style in the bleachers at wrigley field.

    raymi + fil + flagrant + whatshername