1. Monday, May 22, 2006

    its rainy here in LA. 

    i think its cuz the caged bird isnt singing.

    caged bird is disappointed in my taste in girls.

    one day someone super cool is there. next day someone way too young is there. next day someone super annoying is there. next day someone way too dull is there with hot clothes.

    caged bird is a judger.

    yesterday there was an annoying chick followed by a hot clothes chick. im a very odd person. i dont care how hot your clothes are unless i like you. and i dont care how young you are or how flat your belly is or how you pretend like you dont know that youre flashing me panty.

    im odd because sometimes id rather be blogging.

    ive met some girls over the span of my lifetime who have really fucked up the bell curve. if you have seen half the chicks that come through my place youd be all omg and trust me theres a small part of me that is saying omg. not that small part. that part is old. and tired. sometimes i think that part would rather be blogging too.

    ask this one girl i used to date. hell ask any of them. twice a day i want to blog. if i dont get 20 minutes to write something down i dont care what the chick is wearing or promising or alledging, i just want to write. its very much like taking a dump. and the room smells when im done, too.

    ok so the sopranos were on last night and i get the east coast feed of hbo and annoying girl hadnt seen the sopranos since two years ago, so i figured that she would be able to get filled in pretty fast but i was wrong. all she kept doing was asking questions. whos that guy whos that lady. i would tell her and she wouldnt believe me.

    why ask me questions if youre not going to believe me.

    so i played a little game with her. i told her that every time she was being annoying or didnt believe me she had to take off an item of clothing. before we knew it she was naked. so i said ok, now if youre annoying or dont believe me you have to open the drapes and then walk around my building.

    the neighbors loved that one.

    then she had to get on top of my coffee table, then she had to order pizza. then she had to wear my hats. then she had to speak in a french accent.

    what happened was instead of being disgusted and frustrated with me she had the time of her life and is now super in love with me.

    sadly im so not into her or her size 0 jeans that she somehow left behind. WHO LEAVES JEANS BEHIND!~?!?>!?

    speaking of leaving shit behind. someone else left behind some earrings and some booty shorts. everyone leaves shit behind. karisa says its because they want me to think of them or return it. all i know is people ask me about it.

    q. whose fugly earrings are these?
    a. oh theyre not yours?
    q. um, NO
    a. i guess theyre mine then.
    q. you dont even have pierced ears.
    a. then i guess theyre my maid’s.
    q. i bet. well tell your other whore that she has bad taste.
    a. baby thats not how you win my heart.
    q. im just saying.
    a. youre just being annoying.
    q. whose are they?
    a. if i knew i’d tell you. ive got nothing to hide.
    q. karisas?
    a. karisa hasnt been over here in years baby. and shes practically married.
    q. i hate you.
    a. you cant say you hate me when youre topless wearing a funny hat.
    q. look at me in the eyes, i hate you tony pierce.
    a. baby i just met you like an hour ago. you cant be jealous. its not allowed.
    q. ive known you virtually for a year. ive read all your books. i know you better than you know YOURSELF!
    a. then you know that i want to blog right now.
    q. good then blog.
    a. and if you know me, you know that i like for girls to watch porn and touch themselves when i blog.
    q. say what?
    a. you heard me. porn is in the shoe box marked XXX.

    and once again, be careful for what you ask for because some girls will actually do what you request. and then unfortunately then you have a turned on girl who really wants you NOW and you havent even started blogging yet. which is why, i suppose, God invented the rerun.