todays still karisas birthday

we met in line at the Prince concert in 84 at glam slam after he had played the forum. she wanted a smoke and i said if you smoke you’ll get breast cancer and those sweet ta’s will fall off and roll down the street.

she laughed so hard her gum flew in my eye and i said you whore!

when we got inside it was super late, maybe 3am and she was dancing on a platform and i was trying to look up her skirt but she had wonderwoman underoos beneath her glittery mini and this time she let her gum fall in my eye on purpose so i bought her a drink.

a week later i ran into her at the chicago hot dog place in westwood near where the blockbuster music was. i was all hey ho. she was like im surprised you recognized me with gum still in your eye. and i was all i will never remove this gum seeing it came from such a fine biatch as you. and i heard her order extra onions on her shit so sweetly. “can you give me so many onions that they spill out everywhere? kthanx!”

about three days later we ran into each other during a pool party in the hollywood hills. nobody was swimming in the pool, it was a cramped party in a two bedroom apartment or condo or somethig. they had a band playing on the balcony overlooking the pool and everyone had to look up to see the band. i thought it was gonna get shut down any minute so i jumped in the pool cuz i was sweaty from the motorhead show that just let out down the street.

just as soon as i yelled Cannonballllll! there went flying our pal karisa in a perfect swan dive right where i was about to land and i ended up on her head. and i was all you trollop! and she was all how can you still have gum in your eye and we laughed and laughed and laughed and we tried to smoke wet cigarettes in the shallow end until someone brought us some cloves and we pulled them into the water for being lame.

a month later i saw her on the dancefloor at the florentine gardens. justin timberlake and britney spears had just broken up and people were whispering hey thats justin or hey thats britney and just as brit and justin wer about to have a dance off karisa started breakdancing and pop locking to herbie hancock’s rockit and then had the freaking nerve to call me out. so i moonwalked to where she was took my fedora off a la michael jackson and did the worm the hustle and the atomic slide ending with something i like to call the spastic hippie which instantly made the crowd forget everything about brit and justin who were forced to hold their “spontaneous” dance off the next week at the viper.

i will never forget the times i ran into karisa before we became friends. once i was window shopping at agent provaceteour and guess who was working the cash register? once i was trying to cut in line at Pinks and guess who was there with two giant black dudes from the visiting San Francisco Giants. once i was stealing a car and guess who was in the back seat doing body shots with lindsay lohan on mary kate olsen’s ass?

once i was in band camp and guess who let me borrow her reed.

but licked it first and i didnt know whether to melt or throw up a little cuz i have to put that shit in my mouth chili dog xtra onions girl!

happy birthday karisa and if youre too busy making money maybe we can have a drink at the good luck club and watch kobe take it to the suns.