1. Saturday, May 20, 2006

    why michael barrett might win busblog man of the year 

    today the cubs faced the white sox in the south side of chicago.

    and the cubs won.

    i know the scoreboard had some numbers on it that made it look like the white sox came out on top but they didnt. they got a beat down.

    a lot of baseball fans are happy about interleague play – american league teams playing national league clubs during the regular season – but i hate it. i hate it because it’s fake and unnatural and sends the wrong message to the children. i dont want the cubs playing the sox or the mets playing the yankees unless it’s in the world series, when it means something.

    but baseball’s marketing department threw the red ants on the black ants during the regular season to increase attendance, and theyve gotten their wish. interleague play is a wild success. however so is pornography and violent films.

    today the chicago cubs, who havent been winning many games ever since their star first baseman broke his wrist, went to the south side to play the white sox who have been playing well since last year.

    some say the white sox are the defending world series champions but since i didnt see it with my own eyes im choosing to believe that last year was a very bad dream involving holograms.

    in the second inning the white sox catcher rounded third and there was a play at the plate. the white sox fella ran into the cubs catcher, michael barrett and knocked him down before he had a chance to tag him out.

    he then slapped home plate with excitement as the home team cheered.

    then he lowered his shoulder and ran into the cubs catcher barrett in order to retrieve his batting helmet and barrett did what every cub fan has been wanting to do to the white sox for a very long time,

    he punched him in the fucking jaw

    and instantly became a hero and a legend in the deep, long history of the north side club.

    the sox catcher later in an interview said he didnt know why barrett hit him but that just goes to show you how the white sox are – theyre dirty liars who deserve to be beaten tomorrow when the two teams meet up again.

    its a good thing i dont have a pregnant wife right now because i would name the child michael barrett pierce regardless of what sex the infant ended being.

    tonight i will sleep well. i will kiss a teenage girl and she will kiss me back and ask me how my day was and i will tell her the story of michael barrett. sadly she doesnt understand sports because shes european (she even insists that soccer is a sport) but i will try to explain to her that the white sox are like a younger brother. one who you have to share a house with because of blood and laws and history. but you dont want to share the house with them. youre supposed to love them but you dont. and you never will. and even if they move away you still wont love them.

    she wont understand this because she knows that i have two younger siblings who i love very much and at that point i will tell her that i have a very dark heart full of contradictions, but one thing is crystal clear – the white sox are the enemy. more so than the cardinals or the yankees or even our current administration who lies and tortures and raises our gas prices. the white sox are worse.

    yes they gave us bill veeck and harry caray and jimmy piersal and that midget and some of my best friends are sox fans (actually none of them are) and i even have a soft spot for jerry manuel and scott podsednick but the white sox are the shit stain in the toilet that just wont scrub off. i hope their stadium burns, i hope they lose the rest of their games this season, and i hope whatever happened last year gets expunged from the record due to some scandal that we stumble across in the near future.

    until then michael barrett is my hero and i will buy his jersey in the morning. the first cub jersey ive ever owned.

    cubs win.

    video of the blow + a sox fans biased version of the incident