1. Wednesday, June 21, 2006

    you really shouldnt try to attempt any of this at home 

    from back in the dayi have the weirdest schedule. last night i didnt go to bed until 5am, only to be awaken by a cuban girl who never really told me what she wanted. now here it is 255am and im not even close to feeling sleepy so im sipping rum and writing things for LAist and listen to my Mellow folder on the itunes which right now is bumping the pixies gigantic and im thinking about you, yes you, the one in the pink.

    karisa pinged me at 9pm, by 10pm i had showered and was headed towards her miracle mile rendezvous locale, curiously near the xbi hq. she claimed to be “starving” which was funny because i had just gotten off the phone with my true love in africa who told me about a few of her experiences with truly starving people.

    we decided on Swingers, the ultra hip diner on 3rd street near the Grove. the service was horrible, the food was eh, the company was amazing. even in the dark karisa’s a knockout. she plays these games where she tries to get me to check her out but i only have my mind on my money and my money on my mind so i only had eyes for LAist and took pictures of our plates of food so i can review the joint.

    but they dont need any love. there it was 10:30p and they were packed. even the outside was full. the waitress never asked us how we liked our shit, never asked if we needed anything else, never asked us if we wanted dessert, never asked us if i was really tony pierce and if my dining companion who wanted the grilled cheese was truly The karisa j hotshit. so she only got a 19 percent tip.

    before i left to go to dinner i dissed kobe on LAist which ended up with lots of readers of LAist dissing me. ME!

    its been a funny week with me and the readers over there. they obviously dont understand the rules of the game which you kids follow beautifully. and those rules are simple “when tony hits publish post, you tell him how rad he is in the comments.”

    several members of the peanut gallery seemed to overlook that rule and told me that my reasoning was indefensible and even vapid. big words i know. but i have a thesaurus around here somewhere. anyways kobe does suck, shaq has another ring, and lookatthat so does Riles. it was a win win for me because the Mavs are my team after the Heat so i was in hog heaven and Cuban will get his if he doesnt go bankrupt with all the fines, but its fine, its fine.

    and this mellow mix keeps getting louder. dont people understand that 3:13am means shhhh it means

    mmmmmm

    it means

    .

    thats right it means so quiet you can barely hear it.

    and tomorrow i have to rule the world again and see if anyone notices.

    wonkette noticed + i put a green bud on LAist yesterday + dissed pearl jam today