1. Monday, July 17, 2006

    ashley doesn’t think i love her 

    four years ago today i was trying to break up with a teenage girl

    which couldn’t be further from the truth.

    ashley, baby, sweetheart, of course i love you. i love you so much im typing to you despite having terrible carpel tunnel. my wrist looks like that giraffe. im only going to post one thing today and this is it. of course i love you ashley.

    sometimes love means letting go. don’t ask me to explain it because im not sure i totally understand it.

    but i do understand the benefit of laying on your back with someone your own age, relatively, holding hands, discovering new music and old gems. ashley you’re twenty. im 108. you need to find a guy who’s also twenty.

    you two need to listen to led zep until the sun comes up, pink floyd, skynyrd, the doors, the dead’s american beauty, the clash, the police, motorhead, the ramones, the talking heads, santana, bob marley, dylan, ac/dc, van halen, boston, dio, sabbath, priest, maiden, yes, classic rock. and not the greatest hits, but the full albums completely.

    you need to be going to college and read shakespeare, hopkins, faulkner, hemingway, milton, joyce, dickinson, twain, tennyson, vonnegut, tolstoy, yes, classic rock.

    don’t be fooled by guys who have great sex with you. the sex will always be great.

    don’t be fooled by guys who can write well. it just means that when they’re mad at you you’ll get the most hateful terrible emails. you deserve better.

    don’t be fooled by guys who are terribly handsome, or charming, or cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce. those guys, especially in LA are a dime a dozen.

    what you need is a nerdy guy who’d do anything for you. who would leave you presents at your door and make web sites for you in your image: beautiful and grand, lyrical and edgy. you need a geek who would wait years for you, secretly, despite his own welfare. you need someone who wont make fun of the bad music kids these days love.

    instead of trolling the skate parks and beaches, you should sit outside a cyber cafe or an engineering department, browse through the aisles of fry’s electronics, become a member of the battery club at radio shack.

    go geek, not greek.

    your whole life you’re going to be pursued and eventually conquered and dominated by a variety of well-meaning men, take this opportunity to turn the tables and you be the one who does the corruption. and trust me when i tell you that you’ve got all the tools.

    go to tower records and smile at the boys with the dyed hair and the unoriginal punk rock wear, but give your number to the guy in the back wearing the weezer tshirt who would never think that in a million years you’d say hi to him.

    then get his number, tell him to ride his scooter over, kiss his neck, watch him shake, get him stoned, put in jane’s addiction, and go where the music takes you.