1. Tuesday, August 15, 2006

    superpowers be damned sometimes a crowbar 

    waved by an angry black man in an afro wig is all that is needed to get a job done. when i walked in the little radio shack buzzer went ding dong and i raised the crowbar and started off by saying

    “ive decided that there are two sorts of people. people who want to fuck with me and people who want to get out of the way.

    what im hoping for is that im wrong. for i like to be wrong. unlike the idiots of the world who are always trying to be right, i am always trying to be wrong. tsar wrote a song about it. they called it wrong.”

    to freak people out the most quote from a band theyve never heard of like one called tsar or quote something that faintly sounds like the bible. the odds of you running across a tsar or bible expert are slim, so go fot it.

    i continued,

    “in this example im hoping that there are actually three kinds of people. im hoping that there are either people who want to fuck with me, people who want to get out of my way, and people who want to fix my fucking car.”

    it shouldnt be hard to build up the Method needed to draw from the emotions necessary to deliver these lines. simply think about any time youve ever been massively disappointed.

    this is why there are so many great cub fan thespians.

    soon i had a complimentary coca cola at my side and the attention of pretty much everyone in pomona who had suddenly realized that there were only three kinds of people.

    Photo Hosted at Buzznetlast night i slept in my own bed. my own apartment. the apartment was clean thanks to the skills of ms jeanine ribstealer who had nothing to do one day while she was crashed at my place, unlocked the liquor cabinet and cleaned for an entire day.

    somehow the place felt like it was on its best behavior. like it couldnt believe that i was really going to leave this safe womb. like it couldnt believe that i would just up and go with very little planning, ridiculously poor packing, and no itinerary.

    the sheets were clean the windows were shiny the sun was bright the plants had been watered, the tivo had done its job and the egss were chillin and the jello was jigglin.

    and its been two days and i think the house has noticed that i havent unpacked or done anything that would make a second attempt easier. ease isnt what people should look for.

    the best thing that i saw in arizona was the smile of a gas station girl in flagstaff who knew that i had come back into the place for seconds because i was buying beer for the underaged. flagstaff which is 6000 feet above sea level and quite a trek from phoenix. but imagine the reward the indians got who climbed that mountain and enjoyed the cooler temps, lush green grass, and water, plenty of water.

    and then imagine their friends who traveled north from flagstaff one day and discovered the grand canyon.

    i thnk about the indians all the time. i went to an indian casino in zona and only saw a few indians. there were signs everywhere advertising the next big concert that they were gonna hold there. los lobos and war. old people were playing penny keno. there was a bowling alley there and i will be bringing my ball this time thats one thing i will change. and there was a video game room. and i was thinking, fuck penny keno, there should be penny video games at casinos because if you want the parents to gamble all day youve gotta let the kids play all day and sorry but even if you give them $20 most kids suck at arcade games, that shit isnt gonna last but an hour.

    and eventually the crow bar loses its edge as the day goes on and people get cocky and start wanting to talk to you which is why the afro is such a wise investment because with enough courage someone will say something like whats the afro for and then you can say its a good place to hide the guns.

    you may like to add whitey to the end but sometimes its the words left unspoken that pack the strongest punch.