1. Sunday, September 10, 2006

    day two utah 

    didnt leave vegas until 2:40 because i had to be a dope and get lost trying to get to the Fry’s at the begining of the Strip. then i was really tired while driving in the middle of the day and i thought, why the hell am i tired and then i was all, oh yeah maybe it was because you were up till 5am drinking and smoking with strippers and not eating any dinner.

    nevada is bright as hell in the middle of the day when you have a semihangover. checked the oil and i was a quart short which didnt make me super happy because i thought this oil situation was over but i guess that black smoke that comes out of my tail pipe when im passing mini vans while on an upclimb on a hill is my oil getting burned so ive either gotta a) drive slower b) start checking the oil a little more oftenlike.

    id never driven east or north from Vegas before so it was interesting to see that theres a speedway right outside of sin city, and it was interesting to see how much of nothing is right there too. nothing for miles. and miles. nothing meaning desert. an old timey sage brush rolled across the freeway just to remind me that God has a sense of humur and likes to say hi in funny ways.

    hi buddy.

    then he totally busted out with some amazingly red rocks and this gorge that the 15 snakes through on the way to the arizona border which are impossible to photograph but i tried anyways. then youre suddenly in utah and i stopped off at a Best Buy to get a fish eyed lens for the new video camera i got. $38. thanks BB.

    there were signs that said Dinosaur Tracks, 2.2 miles ahead so i asked the kids at BB if it was worth my time and the two employees said never been there. and i said pardon me but it doesnt seem like theres anything to do in this town and youre telling me you havent been to the Dinosaur tracks? then they asked two people if it was worth it and they said they hadnt been there neither.

    now i dont know about you, but if i lived in the midst of nowhere and i met a pretty girl or went to school with one, id damn sure say hey baby wanna come see the Dinosaur Tracks with me and then later the submarine races?

    but i guess the mormons dont finger each other next to the fossils.

    pulled over shortly thereafter and got some Arbys cuz im crazy about their curly fries which would haunt me later. but after my meal my drowsyness really set in and i said ive gotta play this shit right, no way is tony pierce gonna die in fucking utah over something as lame as falling asleep at the wheel.

    and one very nice thing that i have noticed here is that they have Public/Private rest stops which i guess means the state pays gas stations in the middle of buttfuck some money to keep part of their property available for semi trucks and cars to just park. which is what i did. i laid the chair back and tried to get a few zzz’s. but it was really creepy trying to sleep in my car an hour before sundown.

    mostly because right before i actually fell asleep i opened my eyes to make sure that i wasnt still driving and dozing off thinking that i had pulled over. you know how your daydreams can turn into real nodding off sometimes at the wheel? homeys not going out like that. needless to say i didnt fall asleep but it was good to just close my eyes for 15 minutes and think about football.

    when i woke up i worked a little on LAist and wrote an email to my three day girlfriend Linda who used to work at the state prison but now apparently works as a sherrifs deputy. i emailed her and said im in utah and i will be spending the night in slc, lets do lunch tomorrow if you get this email in time. and if you do heres my phone number incase youve lost it. and within minutes, holland, she called me and said omg what are you doing here?

    so she told me where to get a motel room and we made plans. but as i was trying to find the motel all of a sudden those curly fries wanted to get out of the car through the back door if you know what i mean. by now it was dark and i was driving through the countryside of utah. and i had to pee cuz i was drinking mountain dew to keep myself alive and i was squirming because these curly fries werent taking hell no for an answer.

    i found a bible store that had a dumpster in the back and i looked for tp but all i found were napkins and i was all, im gonna get shot for pooping next to someones dumpster, well thats better than just falling asleep and dying. so first i pissed in hopes that that would relieve some of the pressure, and it did. so i got back in the car and sure enough two blocks later there was a Chevron so i could drop the kids at the pool. and murphys law there was a trash can in front of the door.

    damn mormons had cleaned the john for the night cuz they were about to close the inside to the public. but i bum rushed it, moved the trash can, accepted the pine scent of cleaner and destroyed that can.

    mark twain fucking wished he wrote travel journals like this.

    super cute blonde girl working the register frowned when i came out a good 15 minutes later, not at all pondering, as i had, the irony of the amount of gas i had produced in the gas station. and her mom didnt like the way i turned her frown upsidedown with a hollywood wink.

    i got a banana, some apple juice and a muffin for the morning and said thanks for letting me use the mens room, but you didnt have to clean for me.

    then i watched John Fogerty do like 5 new tunes on austin city limits, then i worked on LAist all night and now its 444am and at 411 i was all do i really have to blog on the busblog and every inanimate object in this little motel room stood up and said FUCK YES YOU LAZY FUCKER. so there you go buddys. now im gonna touch myself and pass out before the cock crows.


    climbing the ladder
    + pinky + negro please