1. Tuesday, September 26, 2006

    since i have a few minute before i pack and hit the road again 

    fil me and pitt

    let me acknowledge something interesting about the road.

    eminating from the whitehouse and their nut-licking apologists in the blogosphere, there seems to be a secret competition as to who can blow the most smoke up the ass of americans.

    likewise out here on the road there seems to be a secret competition too, a far less nefarious one. people are aligning themselves to see how generous they can be towards me. and although pretty much everyone has been super cool to me as i blow into their town, two men have risen to the top.

    the first is general patrick j pitt (pictured, gay) who would barely let me buy a donut at tim hortons with my own money, let alone a lapdance from a schoolteacher. he did however let me beat him at madden, eat his yogurt, and even allowed me to kiss his fiance on both cheeks.

    and now we have mr tomdog k lewis here in coincidentally enough pittsfield mass who took me to a delicious fine dining experience last night that was so good that im straining to even keep the poo inside me because my bowels deserve every moment with that fresh salmon cuisine.

    even though everyone has been extraordinarily sweet to me from coast to coast, these two gentlemen have risen above the maddening crowd. tom’s little angels even sweetly woke me this morning with sweet faces and tugging little hands removing the blankets from my face and giggling and then pounding on the bed while laughing outloud.

    hi babies i said. hi tony they said. but unlike adults, when kids want to play they want to play no matter what hour of the morning it is, which is why i had to open one eye and say bye bye which weirdly they understood and they ran out of my room and sorta sadly said, “he said bye bye.” so sweet.

    i was back in dreamland immediately because my body is fat but perfect.

    now i write you from tom’s living room after watching his tivo and drinking his children’s apple juice. western mass is gorgeous and sunny and americana to the maxima. i want to put it in a pie and eat it.

    driving through albany last night was also pretty amazing. who knew they built a shiny steel batman set in the capital of ny? those shiny skyscrapers and weird egg music hall totally rival LA’s halfassed downtown skyline.

    anyways as i approach the east-most portion of the US (or as close as i will get) i want to thank everyone who has bought me drinks, given me shelter, put their hand down my pants, or allowed me to put my hand up their skirt. i couldnt be where i am today without all of you and i appreciate meeting all the new faces ive gotten to see as well as those who ive met just once or twice. im a very lucky man and its because of the people i know.

    although this probably wont stop me from being a complete hermit, it has certainly showed me how much better life is outside of my dark little room in east hollywood.

    keith olbermann should be the next president