1. Wednesday, October 11, 2006

    day 30 houston 

    crawfish mmmm it was tough to leave new orleans yesterday. its tough leaving most of the cities that ive visited during this month on the road. i try to stay away from the touristy areas because living in LA i know that those are fake areas of town. the least-like what the city is about.

    in LA we have Disneyland and CityWalk and Third Street Promenade and Hollywood & Highland and the Grove. thats not the LA that i love. but i understand why people go there when they come in from out of town. so in new orleans i stayed away from the jackson brewery and that square but when i pulled out of town i spent some money down there and bought a beniget and talked to the people and if this EVDO allows the videos to get up, i will have it on LAist later today.

    bukowski taught me not to complain, so i havent been writing about my oil situation. its been better but for some reason my hood has been giving me problems since DC, meaning its been hard to lift it. so i pulled off the grill to get to it and when that started working i noticed that the grill was having a harder time staying on. i thought about using duct tape, and when it flew over my windshield while leaving new orleans and got run over by several dozen cars instantly i thought yeah duct tape would have been a good idea.

    and then it started raining and then my mom called and then i realized i had an ice cream cone in my hand and then i realized it was time for me to lose the ice cream cone or get used to not living on earth any more.

    needless to say the trip to texas was far from dull.

    after the rain ended i saw a sign for Crawfish City. anyone who has been to Lobster Village in baja knows that these towns named after crustations really shouldnt be passed up, even if the bottomdwellers are out of season.

    CC was pretty much empty but that allowed me to plug in and dine in peace. the lady was very sweet and offered me the Seafood Special which included deep fried samples of: crab, shrimp, oyster, clam, crawfish, catfish, and frog legs. all for $9.

    as much as im a sucker for a great deal, i passed. i was in fucking crawfish city, i wanted crawfish!

    the crawfish was sorta crappy but the service was sweet so i drove on.

    when chosing accomidations on the road i try not to stay in the city limits as most cities have lots of crime in their downtown regions. so of course i got lost. and of course i found myself at an unknown motel right in the bad part of town. but what i have learned on this trip is throw away your preconceived notions.

    not only is this motel really nice, but its cheap ($69) and it was very close to a variety of strip clubs.

    the sex show on burbon street turned out to be a comedy of errors ending with my stripper Magic climbing on stage and spinning on the pole and losing her wig. so i was still in search of a quality strip club experience and i got it last night at Treasures.

    Treasures is one of the classiest strip joints in vegas and therefore i wasnt surprised when they hassled me at the front door for not having a dress shirt. i was all, hi this is america i dont own a dress shirt. the dude said well if you want to come back here you should invest in one. he let me in. i failed going through the metal detector(!) and he still let me go through. hmmmmm.

    once inside i was basically molested by a puerto rican chica who insisted on giving me her phone number and asked me to call her right then so she would have mine and i said ha. she claimed to be rolling on e and showed all signs of being honest but i dont know, when i go to strip clubs i like the stuck up girls. there were a few and i approached them and they danced but i found myself with the ladies with the best outfits. texas, like canada, lets you touch the girls. all over. allll over.

    at 2am i was there with the hottest chick there. a shorter version of howard stern’s girlfriend, Beth O, who swore she had two kids but showed no signs. and then showed me the family picture.

    side note. any strippers who read this blog: please dont talk about your children. ever. we dont care, we dont wanna know, we’re not going to tip you more, we’re only going to feel horrible that someones mom has to grind up against strangers to pay the bills. every stripper in the place told me about their kids, i even over heard ladies talking about their children. one of the girls told me that they had a rule at Treasures against tattoos and bruises. there should be a more strict rule about talking about babies.

    regardless, at 2:05am the club closed and i went home buzzed, smelling great, and sprinkled with sparkles. it was a good night. and today i travel to Austin in hopes of finding a new grill for my trusty car.