1. Friday, October 13, 2006

    day 32, norman oklahoma 

    while driving on the President George Bush highway outside of the Dallas Fort Worth airport i got a phone call from someone who used to be super important in my life. for the sake of anonymity lets call her Clipper Girl’s cousin, since she is a beautiful young former nba cheerleader, and the cousin of an nba cheerleader who i would sometimes hook up with. this particular girl was way more than a hookup, we’d often spend lots and lots of time together, and we probably said we loved each other probably ten thousand times.

    so this particular young lady, oh and lets pretend that this is the busblog and nothing in here is true, called me up this evening as the sun was setting while i was on President George Bush freeway in Dallas and my stupid phone is stupid so it rings when it damn well pleases but it definately beeps if i ever miss a call.

    i saw that i had missed her call. now Libras, which i am one, have weird things happening for them around sunset. its a well known secret. i for one get extremely emotional during that time. even scared. basically all the things that im not any other time of day happens to me for that half hour or so when the sun is really setting. i think it has something to do with the transition not being a firm one. i need, in many parts of my life, to know if its night or day, black or white, do you love me or would be happy never seeing me again. so sundown fucks my shit up and makes me very uneasy.

    and im not a big fan of texas and im not a big fan of dallas since they were the team that would always beat the bears in the playoffs back in the day and i really cant get behind a city that has a fucking road called President George Bush freeway.

    so i shouldnta called her back right then but i did because i had a feeling that she was gonna say some really sweet things to me because i just hooked her up with something that no one in her life would have been able to hook her up with in a million years, something that you clip, frame, and put in an important part of your house.

    instead what the conversation devolved into was her saying all these super mean things to me. saying i was insane and delusional or demented or something with a d-e begining and i was trying to keep it together but the sun was setting and my mojo which had already been stolen way at the begining of this trip was threatening to never come back.

    and i was sweating even though it was cold in dallas tonight. and i tried to tell her nice things but she just got meaner before i could even say anything. and i hate that all of our last talks have always been fights and i was really hoping that not talking for a long time was gonna change that but all it has done was end the good thing that we had once upon a time.

    and the devil always whispers things in my ear but the angels have a pretty good seat at the table and they were all, dude just get famous and rich and all these bitches you have been good to who diss you will feel bad, and the devil just laughs and laughs and says come on you know that never happens and its not like tony wants people he loves to ever feel bad.

    and the road got twisty and turny and the radio started sucking so i turned on the ipod and it was as if the angels started choosing all the best songs just for me. its the reason god invented shuffle, so that sometimes he could talk to us through song. and all the songs spoke to me on that dark highway entering oklahoma.

    what one of the songs told me was that just likes theres a first kiss, theres always a last kiss, you just never really know when its gonna be with some people. and even though you might remember that first one, if youre not paying attention you will forget the last one.

    another song told me that sometimes people have their hearts hardened for a very good reason so that you can move forward and they dont want to hear that you miss them and still love them and will always love them because they need to move forward too. and even if it doesnt look like theyre moving forward in all parts of their life, dont worry, the best you can do is be nice even though nice guys finish last. every time. even though being an asshole is the easiest game in town. even though being distant is super simple. even though anyone can pretend to be a certain way, but if you are yourself and the cheerleader gets naked for you then you know you have something good there so dont fake. dont be a faker. dont let loss ruin you. dont think that being successful is going to change anything. sometimes the ho in front of you just dont want you. no matter how you make them tingle. cuz lord knows youve turned your back on some hot pieces of ass for no good reason too.

    i was at a junk yard today wearing my bears sweatshirt and one of the guys said i love the bears and behind him was a dallas cowboys insignia engraved in a hubcap and his boss said boy thats sacriledge to say that shit. and one reason i dont tell many sad stories on here is cuz just like the junk yard man, everyone loves a winner. but sometimes you just have to keep it real. and after you lose, if youre lucky you’ll get to pull into a mcdonalds, take off your sweaty sweatshirt, towel off with your trusty towel that douglas adams was so right about, and you put on a new shirt and you get back in, and continue your journey. and mookie, always do the right thing.

    top photo by bicycle mark when we were filming in nyc