two of my favorite bloggers.
i wish their birthdays were on separate days so i could acknowledge them in a way that best suits them, in their own spotlight, since they are both young women who deserve and demand their own spotlight,
but they fucked up and decided to come out on this day 24 years ago. so hi.
ive never met flagrant disregard and in a way im sorta happy about that. i like mystery. and i like people to know that i like them just for who they are, or in her case, who she appears to be. it worries me that she hasnt posted for a few weeks since shes normally a very dutiful and committed blogger, but she has an unusual life and when you have a life it sometimes gets in the way of your blog.
either way i love her and i wish her the best and i want her to know that i think about her and i hope that she has a great day today. and to celebrate in her honor tonight i will be hosting our LAist monthly meeting (drink fiesta) in the valley.
i have met danielle k berkely and for a short period of time we hung out every working day. twice a day. she is the essence of hotness. she is the funniest girl you will meet. she is everything shes cracked up to be and her pussy smells like rainbows.
people ask, why havent you two ever boned and i tell them its because i like mystery, and i like some people to know that i love them just for themselves. danielle has a style like no other. if she was part lesbian i would marry her but she doesnt like girls. she and karisa share that fault and its a good thing because if either of them did i would have to rearrange my life so i could marry them both. which would be a bummer since i like not being a millionaire.
because i like mystery.
danielle is the furthest thing from mystery. i knew everything about her the first time we ever spoke – it was a long conversation. she was honest and funny and trusted me and everything that i gave her she gave right back.
the fact that she hasnt found true love, or even a decent boyfriend, in the last few years is a testament to the fact that life is so not fair, and that men in san diego have no taste and no courage and dont deserve her rainbow flavored box.
she farted once and a butterfly came out.
if you met danielle and didnt know her youd think that she was some fancy music producers girlfriend or some scumbag yuppy’s girlfriend or the hottest lipstick lesbian ever. youd never think that she was single. youd never think that she doesnt have cable tv unless its tennis season. youd never think that shes addicted to buying old school bicycles on ebay.
and youd never guess that she has one of the depressingly beautiful blogs on the blogosphere.
but in a way it shows you that it doesnt matter how gorgeous you are, how smart you are, how funny you are, how fun you are, it does not guarantee that you will find a mate whose perfect for you. and maybe thats the reason that the Lord has hardened the hearts of the good men of san diego instead of hardening their loins. to show us that we all have a bear to cross. for everything there is a season, and this is the season of the new vibrator.
i only have a few regrets of my trip around the country. one was the hits of LAist went down. the other was i wasnt able to have a nice lunch with danielle to complete the journey.
the other day karisa and i went to a fancy dinner and we walked past the place where danielle and i would have lunch several times a week and i took a picture for her to show her that it was still around.
there have been sagittariuses in my life at every point of my life. and although i do my best to avoid them theyre always there. i shy away from them because there is usually something very odd about them. a small part of them is intensely weird. sometimes more than a small part. but most of the time theres something intensely amazing about them thats irresistable.
that goes for my sister, jeff the singer of tsar, and our two birthday girls flagrant and danielle. when you have your beers tonight, raise a glass to our girl in san diego and our mystery woman in the valley. they deserve it.