9/1 keith olbermann pwns the sec’t of defense
9/1 i go see the format and video a song for you
9/2 Coop doesnt love keith olbermann
9/4 some of the readers still dont like me and want me fired. on labor day one writes: “what bothers me is that a person like Tony Pierce is an editor of anything, the lack of intellect that he exudes should place him in a more suitable profession, such as bar tending or detailing cars, or just anything that doesn’t require any more thought than vacuuming a room.”
9/4 me and the critic have a little back and forth and the world sees that im not the worlds worst speller by a long shot
9/5 anna kournikova gives me a Boyfriend quiz and i ace the fuckr
9/7 why i love tattoos but believe that theyre against the bible
9/9 i restart my roadtrip – first stop is Las Vegas where i meet mike tyson. drunk post.
9/10 utah: “damn mormons had cleaned the john for the night cuz they were about to close the inside to the public. but i bum rushed it, moved the trash can, accepted the pine scent of cleaner and destroyed that can.
“mark twain fucking wished he wrote travel journals like this.”
9/11 utah: i go to jail.
9/12 iowa: i ask a dozen questions, one being “how is it that even though i have put this blog on the backburner that over a thousand people a day keep coming here and advertisers still want to pay me to put links to their shit here?”
9/13 minnesota: hot babe lets me drive half way across the country and forgets to tell me that she just got a boyfriend. i zip up my pants and drive her home.
9/13 video interview with a new employee at Kum & Go
9/15 i return to IL the place where i grew up and diss the mayor, the white sox, and the first tolls that i encounter on the trip. a very lonely sox fan challenges me in the comments by saying that i wouldnt even know how to get to sox park without a map to which i reply:
“its always been easy to find Comiskey without a map: roll down your window and follow the sent of shit and vomit. as you get closer you’ll notice the undeniable aroma of spread open ass and there you’ll find Sox park.
9/16 interview with busty cub fans in the bleachers of wrigley field which is what heaven looks like.
9/17 i answer unasked questions ending in “therefore the answer is to shave the hair off your chest and paint a big 34 on your body so that if the hail comes you just drink a shit ton of beers, take your shirt off and smile pretty for the camera and die of exposure.
because the answer has always been if youve gotta die somewhere it should be at wrigley field or if that fails soldier field with your fingers smelling of a girl from lake forest who didnt even know you existed yesterday.”
9/18 thanks to my longest friend Bob i get to see the Bears home opener
9/20 tribute to my mom on her birthday
9/21 drunk blogging from toronto: raymi and fil got me drunk andt the torontoist party. before that we drank next tdoor. we missed paige whihc is too bad cyuz everyones telling me she hasnt lookt better,. it dont matter cuz she has a boyfriend. whys everyon gotta have boyfriends. boyfriens are so lame. 07 is gonna be the year that everyone vcan be single. just for one year./ people should bang one yuear/. non stop banging. alamande left. pick a new partner. so boring trhese boyufrinesd/
9/23 more partying in toronto. i get to meet the hottest twins in canada and tell them repeatedly how badly i want them both.
9/25 recap of toronto
9/25 mass: after being hosted amazingly by Pitt, i am given first class hospitality by tomdog
9/28 connecticuit: after hating cape cod its nice to be anywhere else
9/29 new york woot woot: “i want to live here. forever.”
9/30 another girl disses my advances. win some, lose way more.
9/30 new york: i have no aspirations other than tell the continuing story of LA. while kissing girls out of my league. while striking out across this great land. while sleeping late and wearing dumb clothes and getting closer to the end, which is in itself just the begining of that bottomless pit.