nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, December 24, 2006

    the year the busblog sold out 

    march 2006

    3/2 lent. fuck lent. fuck fucking lent. wanna give something up for lent – give lent up for lent. better yet, give up catholicism forever. lent isnt in the bible. lent isnt even close to being in the bible.

    3/3 i got a little thing i wrote in the austin chronicle

    3/3 how to beat writers block

    3/4 “people still think im their monkey. still!”

    3/5 four things survey in which i said that i went to blogging.la every day

    3/6 my true love’s last days in america before she headed off to africa for the peace corps

    3/8 in which i apologize to my blog for working too much on buzznet stuff

    3/8 a busblog experiment where we tried to sink michele malkin out of the top ten and launch crooks and liars above her. then, 3/8, she was at 10 and he was at 13, as of today, 12/24, malkin has dropped to 13 and c&l are at 11. you’re welcome.

    3/9 mark edge tells me what shows to see at sxsw. including gogol bordello who was definitely one of the top three shows (gb, the go team, the bell rays)

    3/11 first day of sxsw i meet leah who id been reading for five years and is way cuter and way cooler in person.

    3/12 day two, i meet the texas roller girls who id end up spending a week with, and the cobrasnake took a picture of me working

    and i got to see honky for the first time

    3/13 day three met many people including craig from craigslist, dooce, and robert scoble

    3/14 a nice picture of dooce, her husband, doc searls, and henry copeland

    3/14 eating room service and reminiscing about the night before with oh so many roller girls

    3/15 and thats why im drunk and its just about midnight and thats why i took a bigger leajk and thats why now im headed to the Red Bull House to see Goggogogol Bordellow and i understand a former singer of Janes addiction is going to be on the wheels of steel which is what they say in showbizznes is one night i wont soon remember.”

    3/15 i meet whitney from usa today and she writes about the buzznet house the next day

    3/16 i see peter case and the go! team both who were amazing

    3/17 i see honky for a second time, gogol bordello, and of montreal, blog drunk for the third straight night

    3/17 i see the grates, my chemical romance, and pretty in stereo. all really good.

    3/18 while hanging out with the roller girls luke and owen wilson show up at our party and the blonde one gets pissed when i dare to take his picture

    3/18 i see the bellrays at asher’s room 710 and they completely rule.

    3/19 me and leah have lunner, then she gets hassled by the fuzz

    3/20 on the tenth straight day of drinking and seeing bands i check out locals castle siege and fuckemos

    3/20 33 1/3 things that i learned at sxsw. the third being that marc canter rolls good joints because that was somewhat expected.

    3/21 i posted shittons of texas roller derby pics from the day before

    3/22 after a day of being home im feeling a little depressed and a tad sick and LAist tells people to come and tell me its gonna be ok

    3/23 the snakes on a plane buzz hits buzznet

    3/25 i give v for vendetta a hundred stars

    3/26 me and karisa see the hellacopters. i show the world my one pack.

    3/27 mariah careys birthday = annual tribute of lust

    3/30 ive been sick for two weeks and my ipod dies. whoa is me.

  2. Saturday, December 23, 2006

    the boringest year of the busblog 

    february 2006

    2/1 questions are asked and answered including “what do you think about people who are jealous about you going to Holland on Holland.com’s dime?”

    2/2 jack abramoff writes in and asks if i will smoke weed in amsterdam. i show a picture of just a girl in pink panties

    all things christie makes me fill out a 73 question survey. i oblige because she wants me.

    2/6 dear britney spears, in which i suggest that she hires me to drive her around so that she wont put her baby on her lap and drive any more

    2/7 exclusive interview with raymi the minz

    2/8 hi blank area in the blogger post.

    2/9 “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow bring the petty pace of speed and grace and rock n roll and tofu girls, I don’t know why everything is so bizarre right now but it is and it is and it is and it is”

    2/10 instapundit defends bush, hilarity ensues

    2/11 dear muslim extremists rioting in the streets because of some cartoons,

    2/12 several people ask me deeply personal questions and i answer them all

    2/13 tribute to jeanine on her birthday

    2/14 more questions asked about my penis, more answers

    2/14 i get put on the cover of the SXSWi mailer with a few other luminaries

    2/15 even more very personal questions are asked and answers, in which i conclude that pitt is fat and halfgay

    2/16 on the vice president drunkenly shooting a senior citizen in the face

    2/17 “subtlety is for poetry, piano playing, and eating pussy.”

    2/18 “ads from the GOP and the monies that they pay are true blood money, so if Glenn wants it, he can have it.”

    2/19 even more personal questions are asked and answered including “shaved or unshaved”

    2/20 “she said tony im never going to marry you. and i said shhh shhh baby youre delirious, shhhhh.”

    2/21 first day in amsterdam

    2/22 second day in holland, woke up with miss amsterdam

    2/23 bicyclemark, john from the americablog, and myself go to a squatter bar

    2/25 i get tempted in the red light district by a hooker who looks exactly like avril lavigne

    2/26 my last day in amsterdam, i get so high i puke, embarrassing myself in front of JaG who i get to meet for the first time. ps shes hot

    2/27 saying goodbye to my hotel room

    2/28 Pitt asks “Do you think acknowledging Jackie Robinson’s inclusion into MLB downgrades the real afro-american that broke the colour line: Jack Johnson?”

    2/28 Buck O’Neil dissed by Baseball Hall of Fame proving that even when you’re 94 years old and more than deserving, Life will prove repeatedly that it isnt fair, nor reasonable.

  3. the year the busblog sucked 

    january 2006

    1/1 “im gonna eat more pussy this year. im also gonna read the bible every sunday. those are my only two real promises to myself in 2006.” – driving thru the snow from oregon to cali

    1/2 review of the rainy rose bowl parade

    1/4 busblog deathpool 2006 is launched (later to be removed by buzznet)

    1/5 texas beats usc and i declare “definately proof that Blacks will (and should) dominate the position of QB”.

    1/6 dear raymi the minx

    1/6 a picture of my desk at buzznet before the amazing remodel. and links to my previous desks at other jobs

    1/8 banged a twenty year old in her shower

    1/8 bunny mcintosh gets married in vegas

    1/9 somebody’s dad complains about me writing about fucking a twenty year old. strangely i dont give a fuck about his opinion.

    1/10 me and my buddy chris go to a laker game, watch kobe get 45

    1/10 tribute to bruce sutter

    1/11 lunch with karisa who agreed to an improptu photo essay

    1/13 pictures of cute elementary school kids protesting

    1/15 bears lose in the playoffs

    1/17 “despite the pussy its true ive been a little down lately.”

    1/18 “dear gay people and youngsters,”

    1/20 took pictures of giant drag, and then went to the coachella premiere and took pix there including one of the cobra snake

    1/22 happy blog for choice day. “6. since we are overpopulating the globe, we currently dont need any unwanted children, dummy.”

    1/23 kobe scores 81 points, gets props by the busblog who hates him

    1/23 matt welch joins the la times, gets props by the busblog who loves him

    1/24 my bathroom wall explodes

    1/25 holland invites me to go to amsterdam and blog about it

    1/26 just one of several times that i got interviewed for someones college essay

    1/28 pics of me meeting heather graham during a date with a super hot chick

    1/29 went on a date with a new girl, squaredanced, drunk blogged

    1/30 tony why aren’t there any sistahs on the busblog? an explanation

  4. Thursday, December 21, 2006

    tony, i have noticed something recently 

    that i didnt really want to bring up because it wasn’t a huge deal.

    but you don’t blog anymore.

    you’re just a constant advertisement for something else. as if just writing about your life and being tony pierce isn’t good enough anymore so you have to get involved with wikipedia or LAist and shove that shit down our throats until we’re about ready to choke or at least gasping for air.

    the word sellout isn’t correct, but it’s the first word that comes to mind.

    rarely do you just write anymore. you alwyas have a purpose, a goal, something you’re striving to get across or plug.

    which defeats he entire reason the busblog was so good to begin with.

    i’ve been reading this thing since 2002. i’ve seen the highs, i’ve seen the lows, and i’ve seen everything inbetween.

    tony, let me tell you something. all the shit you’re worrying about now won’t matter. wiki. laist. everything. it won’t matter in a year, two years, maybe 30 months.

    lick magazine part II, anyone?

    one day soon, i hope you return to planet earth and realize how much you have really neglected the people that have put you on the map. the people that gave you gifts gave you an ipod sent you across the pond and made the wikipedia thing an argument to begin with.

    and all you want for christmas is for me participate in your cheap plug?

    shitty stocking stuffer ,tony. shitty indeed.

    all i want for christmas is the real busblog back. for a week. 4 or 5 times a day.

    and as a reader, i think i deserve it.

    after all.

    i’ve been a very good boy this year.
    chad | Homepage | 12.21.06 – 2:41 pm |

    + + + + + + + + + + + +


    it would have been extremely easy to have simply pulled the plug on the busblog once it became apparent that blogging 6-7 times a day on LAist made for very little energy to blog here.

    instead of stopping the busblog the way that others, ahem, pussed out on their blogs, i kept it going and continued to write nearly




    if you consider writing every day on two blogs neglecting the people who have supported me, then you may lick my sweaty taint.

    the busblog has always been an advertisement for something: me. either it was a mating song to anna kournikova or ashley or my truest, or an experimentation in blegging, or hype for buzznet, or now an extension of the newest thing that im overly excited about – LAist – it has always been an accurate reflection of my life.

    the fact that you didnt like the week i wrote about wikipedia is too bad. but during that week i helped take down the #1 troll of that place and paved the way for other bloggers to be able to keep their entries in the online encyclopedia.

    im very proud of that.

    while you were selfishly whining i was helping win the war on blogs. inspite of you.

    do i just write-write on busblog any more? of course not. i could stop what im doing each day as im beginning to roll on my job-job. but for what means? so that kids wouldnt halfassedly call me a sellout? keep dreaming.

    i now hold a job that most bloggers would literally kill for. and i devote almost all of my energy on it 20 hours a day, 7 days a week.

    and i document that passion on my personal blog, called the busblog, as i should.

    for six months now i have written on average 150 posts a month on LAist.

    over those six months, over those 1000+ posts, if i come to my readers and ask them to digg ONE of those stories as a Christmas gift to me, i dont expect to hear any shit. especially from people who have never written 1000 posts in their freaking lives.

    it must be so easy to sit back and ask 4-5 busblog posts a DAY when you havent even written that many all week. a kid who has only written 8 entries in his blog all month has the fucking balls to complain that a guy who has blogged a dozen times in just the last 24 hours is a slacking sellout? who knew the east coast had such potent weed? and he claims to have been a good boy this year? at what exactly? surely not at blogging or critiquing others.

    i dont know about your fart-lighting friends, but my friends are writers. like me. my bro matt welch used to have a hugely popular blog over at matt welch dot com. when he got hired by the LA Times where he maybe has to write once or twice a day, guess what happened to his blog? i’ll give you a hint, it didnt get better, and he sure as shit didnt write every day on it any more.

    my other bro ken layne, also used to have a hugely popular blog at kenlayne dot com. when he got hired by Gawker to do Sploid (and now Wonkette) to write several times a day, guess what happened to his blog? he shut it the fuck down.

    and these men write better than me!

    i’ll make you a deal, you get hired to write shit down a half dozen times a day, which includes helping others write shit down, and includes hiring people to write shit down, and includes getting the interviews so that you can write shit down, and includes going to the post office every day, being on the phone and emailing hundreds of emails a week

    you get that job and you triple the hits to that site within five months, quadruple it in six months, every month (except one) being a double digit increase on the previous month, and then you show me that you wrote on chokeyfucking chicken dot com every day.

    and then you can talk.

    until then, as was always the case in the past, the comments on the busblog are for kissing my pimply hairy teenage-ravished black ass. and dont you ever forget that.

  5. i dont know how many of you use Digg 

    but you should. not only does it keep you in touch with what the cool kids are doing, but its wildly entertaining.

    people have been emailing me this week asking what they could get me for Christmas, and to be honest I have pretty much everything that i need.

    i have good health, a good job, reasonable rent, a reliable car, great friends, and a chicago cubs team that i will definitely need a scorecard to identify but thats ok!

    if there is something that you would like to do for me this Christmas, you can actually do it today and it doesnt cost anything and you can do it in a matter of minutes.

    LAist is pretty close to reaching a milestone. because im ridiculously superstitious i cant tell you what the milestone is until we pass it. sorta like how (good) baseball announcers dont tell the listeners when theres a perfect game being thrown.

    but if things work out well, a story one of our new guys, Bachelor Bob, might have what it takes to draw some attention over at Digg.

    here take a look.

    It’s the simple tale of how to Wrap a Present Like a Man.

    nothing fancy, nothing outrageous or controversial, simply a how-to thats timely and hopefully will get a little chuckle out of a few of you.

    So what i ask is that you click that link above and if you have Digg, digg it, and if you dont have Digg, sign up, its free they wont spam you and it takes about 15 seconds to sign up, and then digg that post.

    hell, you can even tell some friends if you want.

    ok its 544am, ive been working all night. and now its time for this little piggy to go to sleep.

    nite babies

    ps i hate it when howard stern is on vacation

  6. Wednesday, December 20, 2006

    today is madpony kristin’s 

    madpony kristin and two horses 23rd birthday. the love of my life. the girl of my dreams. my baby momma.

    born to immigrant sharecroppers, kristin bounced out of the stagecoach and was befriended by native americans whom she traded shoes for half of oklahoma.

    it was with these natives that she got her name Madpony because of the little horse who was jealous of the attention the tribe was paying to the infant girl.

    once of age to realize her fortune, she offered to give back all the land to the indian tribe who found her parents.

    although she doesnt really look that much like the people who claimed her, and nothing like the blonde woman who identifies herself as kristin’s “sister”, our girl was brought up in a loving suburban home where she collected stamps, made the cheerleading squad and electronically conversed with men four times her age.

    rarely without a boyfriend, kristin met a handsome oilman right before the busblog rolled into town and being the smart man that he is, he popped a ring on her finger before she could be kidnapped wooed into moving to california.

    oh well. never have i crushed on a sorority girl before. never have i driven to oklahoma before. never have my dreams been smashed so.

    but we’ll always have memphis.

    and please tell your sister to stop emailing me nude photos of herself with your head photoshopped on top. THE CARPET DOESNT MATCH THE WINDOW DRESSING, CHICA!

    happy birthday madpony kristin, hottest chick in all oklahomey. if i didnt already have a beautiful attorney you would definitely be mine.

    kristin’s new blog is here + olde interview with madpony

  7. ive known this chick for years 

    and i coulda sworn she loved allen iverson. so i was on aol today and she was on there and i go hey your boys going to go to denver. and she was all wha? and i was all AI. and she was all huh?

    turned out she has no opinion whatsoever about one of the top scorers joining the current top scorer in the mile high.

    still it worries me that i thought i knew this person when indeed i didnt. everything is very bizarre right now. the other day i was driving around and i didnt know where i was going and i went past manns chinese and i was all you know how about a little movie and i looked and nothing of any interest was playing on any of their six screens other than maybe james bond but i dont wanna see no james bond.

    today i wrote tonight i wrote. i never thought id write so much. i never thought i would skip a weekday on the busblog. life is out of balance. is that kowasqatzi or powaskazti?

    i wonder if this person i thought i knew likes yahtzee.

    its actually a good thing that the clippers didnt get The Answer. i would have bought seasons tickets and you dont need season tickets to the clips.

    all night i have been playing marx bros movies. its cuz i have a little nose issue. on account of the high winds blowing through the desert. it always affects me. my nose is way too sensitive for a man who went through a decade of smoking weed. that shit should be canceled out. instead it only got enhanced.

    so the pollen or the bird poop or whatever is in the desert that flies through the air gets in my nose on the one day that i go outside. and now i have a clogged slash runny gnose. arent you glad i blogged today.

    so im watcihng the marx bros because i heard about a man who had cancer and cured it by watching the marx bros for months. all i have is a gnose issue so hopefully one night is all a man needs.

  8. Monday, December 18, 2006

    there were times when 

    i was giving the sponsors of the busblog more than their moneys worth and now it looks like the sponsors of LAist are getting way more than their moneys worth as this weekend the hottest city based blog in your heart got more hits than in any day of last month. and last month was the most popular month ever. until this month. this month, because of this weekend, we’ve already beaten last month.

    its been such a successful month that ive already grown a beard and then shaved it off.

    tonight i went out on a date from the online dating service that i am a member of. its the first date ive ever gotten off an online dating service.

    she was really pretty, really smart, very nice. but sadly not a love connection.

    im pretty sure im bound to live alone forever.

    karisa suggested that i get a cat.

    we saw happy feet. which was good, except for the ending.

    i hadnt been to an animated film at the theatre in a long time. probably not since i saw team america with danielle. the color was amazing. the arclight might cost a lot but you always get a great quality movie experience. and i see so few movies that you might as well go for it when you do go out.

    im listening to rodney on the roq’s christmas show. its 1:16am. after i post this i have to do the AM news and prepare a contest. we’re going to give away tickets to the new years eve flaming lips gnarls barkley cat power concert.

    so far we’ve gotten very good turnout for our Best of 2006 list. like i said before xeni and mark from boingboing gave us lists, as did the dude frank from postsecret, and then we got the dude from the decemberists and then la city nerd and a bunch other people including brooke hogan.

    its her real typewriting, you can tell.

    youd think thats what would have gotten all the hits this weekend, but no it was the photo essay of the ucla kids running around in their underwears. some of it is really nice underwear, gotta say.

    and ive gotta say that im extremely happy that the most viewed LAist post ever was not created by yours truly.

    why am i so happy? because the job of an editor is to provide a place where others can flourish.

    and that fucker flourished so much that it went nuts on thursday went totally nuts on friday and then mellowed out but even its mellowing was massive.

    the lifeless bears defense probably killed my fantasy football playoff hopes. thanks slackers. 31 points to tampa bay?

    i literally lost my hat tonight.

  9. Sunday, December 17, 2006


    quickie test – today’s knicks nuggets brawl video

    I’m testing out the new feature on Google Video that lets you post directly to Blogger.

    If this works decently it will be the first big feature that Google has implemented to make posting videos easier for people who blog on Blogger.

    result: it got the text size and font wrong, so i had to go in and edit out a bunch of code. it also demanded that i enter in a title, which the busblog doesnt use.

    so was it easier than trying to find the embeded code, copy and pasting it into a page? a little. whatevs. good start.

  10. Friday, December 15, 2006

    caught the bus 

    and drove out to death valley. the ride wasnt bad, it was just me and kurt and a few gangstas from the hood.

    when the bus stopped kurt led me out.

    before we can go any further you have to sit on the Regret Throne.

    all i saw were a row of Port-A-Potties.

    go in there, put down some paper on the seat, pull down your pants, and think about all of your regrets.

    i did as instructed.

    “i cant think of any.” i yelled.

    i thought you said you were bummed that you never went to Prague?

    “oh yeah.”

    plop plop plo-plo-plo- SPLASH

    “i think im done.” i told him.

    did you ever have sex with anyone you wish you hadnt?

    hmmmm. no. no, i dont think so.

    think hard. if theres any regret in you, you wont be able to fly in heaven. it’s what seperates us from the birds.

    plop plop plop.

    what about some of the jobs you had?

    sorta liked my jobs, kurt.

    wish you had said some things, or not said some things, or quit earlier at some of them?

    plop plop plop plo-plo-plo-plo-plo-plo-plo-plo-plo-thrrrrrrrrrrrrbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb plllllllllrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb SPLASH

    ok that was sick, tony

    hey man, im just doing as the inventor of grunge is instructing me.

    any girls you wish you had asked out?

    the toilet exploded.

    it was like a missle.

    there were flames.

    kurt hosed me off and handed me a towel. i tipped him a dollar and he opened the door of another port-a-john.

    any records you bought you wish you handt? movies you saw? extended warrantees you bought?

    another violent explosion.

    my ass was starting to hurt.

    kurt took the hose to me again and handed me another towel.

    i gave him a $5, he gave me three ones in change.

    i went into another port-a-potty and sat down.

    sorry you didnt buy Amazon at 7 and sell at 100?

    huge explosion. my ears began to ring.

    kurt hosed me off, handed me a towel, i gave him the three ones. he gave me a squirt of cologne.

    went into the last port-a-potty that remained.

    sorry you didnt say good bye to anyone?

    nah, not really.

    wish you had asked for more money on your blog?


    wish you had spell checked or proof read it before you posted?


    wish you had kissed more people’s asses so that they would link you?


    wish you had gone to journalism school?

    plop plop plop.

    wish you had learned to play guitar?


    wish you had gotten married in your twenties?


    look down at your feet.

    “what am i looking for?”

    are they on the ground?

    and what do you know, i was floating about an inch off the floor.


    i wiped, flushed, got out, and felt incredible.

    me and kurt hung out at the bus stop waiting for the next bus.

    “what was one of your regrets when you were here?”

    i wish i had been a corporate spokesperson for someone.


    yeah, really. i was just shy.