nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, January 31, 2007

    yes i entered the win the date 

    to the super bowl with three hot chicks contest.

    no, i didnt win.

    yes im sorta relieved because flying to miami from LA is pricey when you only give them three days notice. and driving is pretty much out of the question if youre not on speed.

    and hotels in miami, and i could just use all that money on a new plasma screen tv that i could just watch the game on. etc.

    anyways, this is the email she sent me and the other losers who had made it to the “finals”

    Hey guys…

    Just wanted to tell you thanks so much for your submissions. You made it all
    the way to the end of what ended up being an over 1,300 person contest. I
    literally read 1,250 of those (50 or so Colts fans got bumped by the Axe
    people to save me some OBVIOUSLY wasted time). So I have to tell you,
    unfortunately, none of you are the lucky guy. I hate to break your hearts
    and it was REALLY hard to make the decision. I know it hurts more to be in
    the top 10 or 15 and not get there, but I know some of you will keep working
    your asses off to get into the stadium and will pull off whatever it takes
    to witness history. I just wanted to tell all of you that I think you all
    seem like amazingly fun guys and I’d love to somehow meet up in Miami if our
    paths happen to cross or we’re going to be running in the same circles.
    Assuming you don’t hate me for disappointing you, email me and maybe we’ll
    be able to find each other and party together — a huge crew of REAL Bears
    fans. Each and every one of you knows your shit and you’re all really good
    guys, so thanks again for submitting, let’s get fired up for what will be
    the greatest weekend of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!


  2. Tuesday, January 30, 2007

    Bears 27, Colts 14, Rexy 150 

    My buddy Bob who ive known since kindegarten, but better known as Bob from the sports merch store, Memoroboblia wants to sponsor the busblog Super Bowl contest.

    Sez Bob: the busblog reader who comes closest to guessing the final score will get $50 of Memoroboblia’s Chicago Bears merchandise…the 2nd place prognosticator will get $20 of Memoroboblia’s Bears stuff….first tie breaker is closest to point spread, second tie breaker is total combined points, third tie breaker is passing yards by Rexy.

    So…if final score is actually Bears 34 Colts 20, Rexy throws for 212… and three busbloggers have picks as follows
    Bears 37 Colts 23 Rexy 123 &
    Bears 34 Colts 21 Rexy 212 &
    Bears 14 Colts 0 Rexy 321,

    …then the 37 to 23 guy wins because he guessed the spread correctly and is closest to total points scored…

    put your guesses in the comments. one guess per busblog reader. put your real email address in the proper place. etc. my guess is the one in bold. bon chance!

  3. Monday, January 29, 2007
  4. huge storm heading to miami 

    and other headlines

    interview with the hot babe in brentwood who is giving away a great super bowl ticket and a chance to be her date and two of her hot girlfriends

    remember when i went to the bears cardinals game on monday night in october?

    metafilter loved pans labyrinth. i didnt.

    flagrant is thinking about writing without being so gd mysterious. i say do whatever gets you through the night baby.

    sk smith was on a little writing streak but then hit a wall

    nay, one of my all time favorite bloggers, has stopped her free blog and is pay-only now. so sad.

    as a science experiment i sent one of the hottest girls ever down to san diego. not only does she love dressing up and pleasing her man, but shes smart, shes funny, shes in grad school, and shes single. the experiment was: is there even one real man in san diego to woo this woman, and the answer is a resounding of course not, its freaking san diego.

  5. Sunday, January 28, 2007

    because shes young she texts me. 

    because shes really young she sends me these quizzes and INSISTS THAT I FILL THEM OUT

    kids growing up without ever having to buy a dial up modem really have no sense of patience



    1. You hung out with?

    2. You texted?

    3. You were in a car with?

    4. Went to the movies with?
    eharmony date #3

    5. Went to the mall with?

    6. You talked on the phone to?
    my mom

    7. Made you laugh?
    bart simpson


    1. Pierce your nose or tongue?

    2. Be serious or be funny?

    3. Drink whole or skimmed milk?
    whole is the only way

    4. Die in a fire or get shot..
    fire FIRE

    5. Have sex with one person very well or four people at the same time poorly..
    quantity, not quality


    1. Sun or moon?
    moon me

    2. Winter or Fall?
    fall on me

    3. Left or right?
    to the left

    4. Sunny or rainy?

    6. Where do you live?
    hollywood, ca

    7. How many kids do you want?
    between 1 and 12

    8. Do you want to get married?
    only if im in love

    9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
    twirlings the best part

    10. Have you ever eaten S.P.A.M?
    probably. i never know what im eating.

    12. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?

    13. Do you cook?
    i havent turned on my oven for five years

    14. Current mood?
    very happy


    1. Kissed someone?

    2. Sang?
    girlfriend in a coma, smiths

    3. Been hugged?
    no comment

    4. Missed someone?
    but of course

    5. Danced Crazy?
    mais oui

    6. Cried?
    that happens about once a year, so keep waiting

    7. Lied?

    8. Loved someone you can’t have?
    of course!

  6. its at this point that i lose my support of hillary. 

    you dont run for president when the usa has a good chance of electing the first black president.

    sure women deserve a break today but they werent brought here in boats as slaves

    not that obama was, but im just saying.

    if i was hillary id step down immediately and say, “it just dawned on me that i have always been in support of minority rights and especially the advancement of african americans, most of whom supported my husband and i through thick and thin.

    “no way will i cockblock barack.”

    and if obama was smart he would have her be his running mate because not only would it lessen the chances of an assassination attempt (down from 99% to 94%),

    but that is what should happen when you re-elect george w. bush after iraq, 9/11, katrina, gitmo, and domestic spying: a black and an woman should be the favorites to succeed you.

    i also dont like hillary because shes stiff. stiffness used to mean that you were hiding something.

    people didnt used to like al gore because he was stiff. turned out what he was hiding was all his radness. people dont call al gore stiff any more.

    when barack wins al gore should be the environment tsar, bill clinton should be nominated for the supreme court, and al sharpton should be the press secretary.

    and i suppose that at some time i should go to chicago and blog about it all.

  7. Friday, January 26, 2007

    lunch with karisa was lovely 

    we both had the trout. crazy assed tyson beckford was standing at the corner waiting for someone to pick him up.

    he had a weird goatee like beard. like a zz top beard that got shrunk in the dryer.

    we had to look at him like eighty times to see if it was really him or not but he has so many tattoos that i was certain after the first twenty times.

    karisa said i dont show enough videos on here.

    shes all you know way more about music than you lead on in your writing. let the people know about all the sorta unheard music.

    so this is m ward. hes gonna be playing here in LA next week. victoria williams is gonna play with him.

    tonight the shins play for free at amoeba records, so i hafta write about that over at LAist now. pardon me.


  8. id do anything for my job. 

    Bart Simpson on the Nirvana cover of nevermindduh. so when a major television network asked me to audition for a show theyre about to do, even though i am not at all interested in being “talent”, even though im not interested in being on the money side of the camera, i shaved my head nice last night, i went to bed early last night (315am) i woke up early this morn (7am) and i shaved off my chicago bears beard

    and i went oh 15 minutes away from my home to a studio in hollywood.

    i got the rundown, i went to hair and makeup – ha. i sat in front of the green screen.

    i did something. i wouldnt call it “my thing”. although i had all intention to go in there and “do my thing” i sorta acted like the warner bros. frog when the box is open – i clammed up. i searched. i faked. i fucked up.

    your boy isnt gonna be a tv star. at least for that show. i did see some other LA bloggers. some very very famous ones. i saw a super hot chick. i saw a few homosexuals. i saw a guy i thought i knew from E! but nah.

    and then it was over. it was early morning and i was done for the day. actors have it horrible.

    it was still early enough to get breakfast at mcdonalds and already i had failed.

    this is why they did drugs.

    this is why they hump federlines.

    sometimes the camera turns on and youve got nothing so why not climb in bed with a kfed who you know will make you feel superior, since you are.

    and for the first time i missed not having the eurogirl to feel good about.

    her hair is everywhere. some of her crap too.

    friday morning and nothing to do.

    in the audition was a man from chicago and we talked bears football. this has been the most wonderful surprise season.

    a year ago superbowl i was making out with a girl from columbia or chile or madagascar. she was so cute. a year ago today we had gone to a bar and we drank from daylight to when the bartender cut me off.

    she was the craziest girl i have gone out with in a year and i miss her the most.

    even though she was violent and not that hot on paper but for some reason we totally clicked perfect and maybe thats what im lookin for on eharmony but im not so hot on paper neither so there have been no love connections on that front.

    i just got invited to something sponsored by budweiser tonight.

    hey karisa just invited me to lunch which is sponsored by LAist.

    the days lookin up.

  9. Thursday, January 25, 2007

    its 314am 

    i can barely see enought to html. my laptop is doing that thing where it will magically highlight a nice long sentence and replace it with the last letter that you type.

    everything is trying to make me come to bed, even the faint snore of a eurogirl who has overkept her welcome or however you say it.

    im stoned and tired and drunk and sore.

    she got on top of me and started pushing down hard. fast. hard.

    her hair fell perfectly around her face like a perfect shower can do.

    i am the luckiest in the world. i know it. lets just try to ignore it some more.

    its 317am and LAist has 13 stories finished and ready to post for “tomorrow”. movable type has this thing where you can “schedule” your post. something i adore. blogger doesnt have it yet, far as i know. not the one i use at least. but i dont care about that, we dont need that shit here, but on LAist, we totally do. because it lets the posts just flow nicely.

    you can go back there throughout the day and theres always something new up on that shit.

    and when you have your morning and most of your early afternoon all laid out, you can fill in the blanks as breaking news happens.

    or you can sleep in.

    or you can sleep until 10am as a practice for friday when you have to wake up at 8am.

    make that 7am, because i have to be at a tv studio at 845am because i have an audition that im ashamed about so lets not talk about that neither.

    i just wanna be like the GM for the Chicago Bears. do you know his name?

    hes the guy who built the team and you know, got them into the Super Bowl.

    i love putting good people together.

    a few hours ago we got on the front page of Digg. a little story about why one of our writers still likes Netflix over Blockbuster. it’s good, it’s simple, it’s accurate, its written well. but its the last story youd think would ever get dugg.

    but its the second one that got dugg on LAist this week.

    second in two days, as a matter of fact.

    Jerry Angelo is the GM of the Chicago Bears.

    yesterdays LAist:
    Raymi Reviews the Badly Drawn Boy CD
    Clippers Beat Bucks
    Crazy Bungee Cord Video
    Destiny’s Child Sings the National Anthem
    Any time you have a story about the La Brea Tar Pits, its a good day
    Believe in Miracles and Reverse Graffiti
    What If Dakota Fanning Got Raped And Nobody Cared?
    Amy Jo Goddard’s Top 10 Sex Paraphernalia for the Adventuresome Spirit of any Orientation
    LAist Cartoons: What is Paula Thinking?
    John Mellencamp: “Chevrolet actually has been a better record company to me than Columbia ever was
    Clippers MidSeason Report
    Why Netflix Still Kicks Blockbuster’s Ass
    American Idol Review
    TV Junkie
    Living In Sin: Good Sex, Bad Frat Boy
    Awesome interview with the LA Department of Neighborhood Empowerment
    Tonight in Rock: Deerhoof, GZA, Gram Rabbit, whose video you should see
    To get a better LA subway you need a plan, here’s the plan
    Van Halen gets its David Lee Roth back
    Video of a Burbank Man Catching an AT&T Worker Stealing Oranges from a homeowner’s tree