1. Tuesday, January 16, 2007

    ive only made out with one black girl my whole life 

    and that night i was wasted and dont remember much of it other than the fact that her hair reminded me of mine when i was a little kid, and the fact that she was ridiculously hot, and the fact that most the time im playing footsies with girls either half my age or three times out of my league.

    with that said i thought the black folk did very well for themselves at the golden globes last night. im sorry but thats the way i look at things when i watch them which is something that last nights young lady from the academy pointed out to me. which was odd since she, as a matter of fact, is a woman of color, as they say.

    which is why i felt comfortable sharing with her.

    if you recall, each year around this time of the year the motion picture academy of arts and sciences send young international ladies to my home to have me watch the movies that are being considered for nomination etc.

    the ladies come with dvds.

    last night i was watching the globes when this dark skinned girl with a very tight dress and a very tight jacket and a very tight jaw tapped on my door and i thought it was the police who had busted a young man who looked like director spike jonez, the other day, but it was chickie.

    i told her that she could leave the dvd with me but she said that the other girls said that she should hang out with me. and i said, did they, raised an eyebrow, snapped my finger, which turned off the track lights and ripped off my toupe and lit my six footer and inhaled

    and held it

    and held it

    and exhaled

    into her awaiting mouth.

    globes were good. i was surprised that vanessa williams got away with extentions And a damn fur coat but thats what weve learned from W, just go for it, people too lazy to say anything.

    i thought ugly betty had nice cans

    i thought reece witherspoon looks like she hasnt eaten since she broke up with dude

    i thought that borat was funny

    i thought that joan and melissa today were totally off when they said that beyonce wore that gold dress to the wrong award show.

    maybe you have to be gay to understand fashion.

    right before the show started a russian woman was being interviewed by melissa and she said she was in Bobby and she had the best silver dress on and melissa asked whose jewlery, and the russian chick said oh thats mine

    and melissa said, thats your bracelette?

    and it was huge and sparkly and ginormous

    and she said yep.

    and melissa said wow

    and academy girl said men buy me jewlery all the time

    and i said i bet they do baby now lets see what this pans labyrinth is all about

    but we adjourned to the bed room to see it in there which is a huge mistake

    because movies never get finished in there and how can you just dial up the academy and say hey whats the name of the black girl who was over hear last night

    and toronoto, i will totally go bring back our socal skunk