nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, February 28, 2007

    the beer launching fridge 

    i think im supposed to do something this afternoon important
    actually there are a lot of things i have to do, i wonder if i can do them quickly.
    please help me procrastinate by asking me questions. thanks.

  2. Tuesday, February 27, 2007

    me and raymi have a stoney, sarcastic 

    arguement about religion, part two

    dumbass, inc says: yeah both God and Jesus are mostly pissed off, cold, and bitter for most of the bible

    raymi says: the bible is bullshit

    dumbass, inc says: it isnt exactly clear why they do anything for mankind other than the fact that we are made in their image

    raymi says: i dont want to argue in circles
    raymi says: basically christianity is backed by a lot of stupid people
    raymi says: delusional
    raymi says: and misled

    dumbass, inc says: and your favorite people
    dumbass, inc says: prince

    raymi says: and using it to back politics yeesh
    raymi says: sad

    dumbass, inc says: politics?

    raymi says: nevermind

    dumbass, inc says:michael jackson
    dumbass, inc says: foriegner

    raymi says: why are you naming famous people what kind of shit is this

    dumbass, inc says: night ranger
    dumbass, inc says: do you ever karoke sister christian?
    dumbass, inc says: freaking crowd pleaser
    raymi says: no

    dumbass, inc says: Motoring! What’s your price for flight?

    raymi says: haha
    dumbass, inc says:

    isnt night ranger canadian?

    raymi says: dunno
    raymi says: i dunno

    dumbass, inc says: i always thought they were

    part one can be found on her blog

  3. its 3:30am and its raining 

    i was going to write how nice and peaceful and great it is to have total silence at this hour as a perfect canvas for the rain but then i remembered that i have left a plant outside who has a pot that doesnt drain. looks like that suckers gonna be swimming till at least noon tomorrow.

    for lent im giving up fast food. i have very weird eating habits. if i am at home i dont eat. if im driving around i eat everywhere i can. today around 6pm i started starving. but then the phone rang and then the thing dinged and then IM blipped and i remembered that i had lunch meat in my fridge.

    i always have lunch meat in my fridge and each week i throw out unopened lunch meat. same with the milk. same with the salsa. same with the strawberries.

    bachelor bob tells us to always have strawberries around in case you get lucky and bring a girl home, that way if you wake up in the morning and you still like her you have something to apply whipped cream to

    while you eat the strawberries.

    so i made a sandwhich. maybe the first time id done that in months and months. i am so LA that its easier for me to get into my car and drive to the jack n the box for a taco four blocks away other than walk there or make my own taco and then dip it into boiling old grease.

    for lent no fast food no drive thrus so i made a sandwhich and it was delicious because i put a little miracle whip in there and i know the things that i eat arent all healthy but seriously id have jack in the box for breakfast because they serve breakfast all day and then bk for lunch and then mcdonalds for dinner. And id snack.

    im fat. theres no way women find this appealing. girls are insane. everyones high. i watched nanny 911 today and i fell asleep during Countdown with keith.

    today i was supposed to take a day off because we hit our goal with three days left in the month and since i hadnt really taken a day off in months i was gonna take it off but a body in motion stays in motion and even though its wet and rainy and maybe will be tomorrow tomorrow i will take the day off.

    which is today. tuesday. and if i learned anything from monday means that if i want to take a day off i have to leave the house and not take the laptop, burglers. and id love to go to the vista but they insist on showing ghostrider and theres no way that movie can be any good.

  4. Monday, February 26, 2007

    and you may ask yourself, how do i work this? 

    im addicted. im addicted to everything. im addicted to the pattern. im locked inthe matrix. i began the beguine and now im in the middle of it. they say libras are best right in the middle of the hurricane and thats me. hi. once i was super stoned flying a helicopter and i felt like i was in the middle of everything since the rotation of the blades were circling above and the earth spinning below and there i was in the middle of the deal and i was falling and i was falling and soon i was going to be in the middle of the earth.

    im not afraid of anything because im not in belief of anything. thats why they want you to have the fear of god. because that means you believe.

    i prayed last night an i believed. i prayed after i prayed and i believed. i read the bible after i prayed and i believed. i believed last night all right.

    so i guess i believe, which means that im afriad that i might not get into heaven. hell i might not get into coachella this year therefore what are my odds for getting into heaven?

    im so fucked.

    im not afraid of things because if anything kills me i believe that i will die and go to heaven. but if i will not go to heaven then i should be afraid of dying. but i havent been afraid of death in so long i am afraid i would be out of practice.

    so i might ask myself, how do you work this?

    LAist has already worked its way into its best month ever. during a short month. during black history month. during two of my best writers not writing much. during the month of aquarius which is usually more creative than productive but alas apparently astrology is bogus?

    karisa and i ate sushi the other day because im insane and im saying yes to things i normally wouldnt and i have eaten sushi four times now. this is the first time eating it with an american.

    most of the sushi i ate in the past was in a little roll of rice and seaweed and various shit but since karisa is the expert of all things she ordered like all these different crazy things so we could “try” them even though she knew precisely all the evil that would be held within.

    not only did i enjoy everything presented to us, some on the heads of small crying children who were yelling “please sir hurry i hafta potty” and not at all worthy of the generous tip i was prepared to unload on them, but i took home bags of leftovers which i devoured throughout the eve.

    ive been devouring everything lately. food drink tv web pages posts smoke music porn everything but you beloved busblog so when karisa asked me what i was gonna do today on my day off i told her i was gonna see a movie. a daytime matinee.

    but when she caught me online she said if youre gonna be online, update the busblog fucker.

    so there you are, karisa got her hair did, and it was so hot i had to look down and accidentally checked out her ass.

    and got busted.

  5. Sunday, February 25, 2007
  6. Friday, February 23, 2007

    we’re having an Academy Award contest over at LAist 

    and i want to make sure that you know about it because the prizes are amazing.

    if i may quote myself:

    The Grand Prize Winner (person with the most correct picks) will get a copy of the just-released Luscious Jackson’s “Greatest Hits”, tickets to the Hotel Cafe on March 29th to see Jill Cunniff of Luscious Jackson in support of her new cd “City Beach”, we’re also throwing in the newly released 10th anniversary music from “Romeo and Juliet” (Garbage, Radiohead, Des’ree, etc.), the new Van Morrison “At the Movies – Greatest Soundtrack Hits” cd, a cd/dvd combo of the last concert by Crowded House “Farewell To The World”, Al Green’s “Definitive Greatest Hits” (with bonus dvd), and an autographed copy of Diana Ross’s “I Love You” a collection of classic love songs.

    There will be four 2nd Prize winners who will get a copy of Luscious Jackson’s “Greatest Hits”, the 10th anniversary music from “Romeo and Juliet”, the new Van Morrison “At the Movies – Greatest Soundtrack Hits” cd, the cd/dvd by Crowded House, and Al Green’s “Definitive Greatest Hits” (with bonus dvd).

    And there will be five Honorable Mention winners who will all get copies of Luscious Jackson’s “Greatest Hits” to help cheer them up.

    Also for you Fantasy Baseball fans… Busblog Live Baseball Draft on Sunday before the Oscars

    League ID#: 105534
    League Name: busblog2
    Password: blogger
    Season Type: Full
    Draft Type: Live Draft
    Draft Time: Sun Feb 25 1:00pm PST

    No quitters, quitters.

  7. Thursday, February 22, 2007

    today is leahs birthday, shes 21 

    and you know the great part about this blog? the great part is a lot of time someone just turned 30 or just turned 40 or just turned 60 and i say today is marie antoinettes birthday, shes 29, and secretly everyone will laugh and say yeah right but todays leahs birthday and she really is 21.

    ok some of that is a lie. today isnt actually her birthday, two days ago it was her birthday. as you can see ive been quite busy and havent even had time to bust a ten minutes with tony for your asses, but for lent im giving up being lame about the busblog.

    if it wasnt for the busblog i would have never met todays birthday girl last year.

    yes her site and her blog were always better than mine, but she was younger and cuter so she had a distinct advantage. plus she had the bonus of having hate messageboards and sites created just to seethe over her every word and photograph.

    now thats blogging.

    fortunately i have the busblog and with that came a wee amount of credibility that i wasnt a fullon stalker even though i had read her since before she could even legally drive a car. and i had gone through most of her photos. not so many now, but i got better, i got to hang with her. now, a few times.

    most of the times the people will look better than you expect them to. rarely do they look worse. the twins up in toronto looked so much better in real life that i challenged every cliche and asked them both to be near me simultaneously, back in my hotel room.

    leah however should be a fashion model or tv personality or pop icon, thats how unique she is. she should replace the paperclip in MS Office. if leah was your cursor youd never get anything done. thats why shes illegal.

    and whats even more amazing, she has the most interesting southern accent. like a layer mouthwatering frosting on a dainty little cupcake.

    shes very smart, very quick, always up for fun, and has an extremely nice husband who has a wooden leg.

    leah said why did you not give me a birthday tribute i said uh

    she said why did you give jeanine one, whos jeanine? i said she was my college gf.

    she said why did you give chris one? whos chris? i said the gf i had for 5 years.

    she said whos the kiwi girl? why did she get one? i said she flew here to meet me and have sex with me, then she had sex with me.

    she said hmph.

    when i met leah at the red bull house at sxsw last year she brought a super cute friend and i was all whose your friend and she said just some girl id been talking with on myspace who i wanted to meet

    and its a wonder what life would be like if you could just say hi adoreable, meet me at the corner of naches and 7th, free booze and creepy olde men.

    leah watched as this dude got me super baked out of my mind and he was super baked out of his mind and then he sorta tapped out and we were all yeahhhhh ok and it was awkward but super funny if you ask me but you probablyshouldnt cuz i was high and drunk.

    because leah peer pressured me into it using reverse psychology.

    leah works downtown in a fancy hotel which is a waste because if i had a hotel id make sure that leah greeted you at the door and was the first person you saw when you entered the place because then youd know that you werent at the motel 6 anymore grampa.

    and one thing i liked about meeting her in person, i realized i had been hearing her name wrong all along. its pronounced lay-uh.

    happy 21st birthday baby!

  8. Tuesday, February 20, 2007
  9. when i was a kid 

    dire straits was one of my faves

    years before money for nothing. and romeo and juliette was my favorite song of theirs. they were just so cool. i like this version by the killers.

    this weekend was supposed to be slow for LAist. presidents day too. but the truth of the matter is i have a goal for myself each month and one fifth of the goal was hit in just the last two days.

    all because of miss britney spears trying to jack my style.

    i told you that girl likes me.

    sadly my heart is with xtina. however, if brit just wants to laze around my crib with her two kids, and chill, thats cool.

    my mom and i talked about britney today and i was all, maybe she just got tired of always having to look pretty or cute or hot or whatever and shes just been sick of always having to deal.

    and as a baldie now myself i can tell you this britney, it is pretty nice never having to look in the mirror – because you know exactly how youre gonna look: fucking bald.

    its great. and if she wants to wear wigs, i guess thats fine, but hats are where theyre at.

    my friends were all you shouldnt buy anything in downtown LA cuz they have cameras everywhere and they get your liscense plate number and they sting downtown all the time but the other day i was in my house for so long working that i just said fuckit and put on some shorts and started driving, i didnt know where.

    i tried to call the girl but shes been so pissy and i was not really in the right frame of mind to bicker. the fact that i dont want to shave my nuts shouldnt make a girl think i dont love her. even if i dont love her. i like her and if she loved me shed know that i aint shaving my nuts i dont care what you offer in return. unless part of it rhymes with menage and the end of it better rhyme with something bigger than twah.

    james browns widow was on Larry King again yesterday. did you notice that pretty much nobody took presidents day off on tv or radio except howard stern. fucking commies all of em.

    anyways james browns widow was real cool and shes handling herself really well. she says she lives a few doors down from britney and if she wants to go to an AA meeting with her then she’ll taker.

    LAist has been offered to book a rock club in Austin during SXSW. its a great club. its probably my favorite club in Austin. why yes it is. and the band that we wanted to play said yes yesterday and i will announce it when the owner of the club says that alls well on his end, but lets just say im really happy with what happened this weekend.

    including the hats i got in downtown LA, cameras.

  10. Friday, February 16, 2007