1. Monday, March 26, 2007

    the eharmony thing didnt work out 

    so i went back to dating the old fashioned way, by hitting on waitresses at Dennys in the valley.

    its hard to be intimidated by a waitress chick at dennys in LA, but i noticed that there were two types of girls who id end up asking out more than once. one were the girls who made me feel super cool and handsome.

    but unfortunately the ones i ended up liking the most were the ones who made me nervous and made me feel ugly and disgusting. maybe its because i know im pretty damn disgusting.

    also, i like being nice, and the girls who made me feel gross usually ended up on the nicer dates. whereas the sweet librarian types usually got their hair pulled harder and far more kinkier things ending up in their mouth and asshole than the other girls.

    ive also been known to whisper some pretty foul things in the ears of shocked lass. but theyre always creative. and some are even possible.

    the other night i had this girl tied up real good, face down because she was bad, i forget what she had done. oh yes, she had forgotten her plaid skirt. whore. and everything was going fine and she was still tied up and i was all is everything ok over there, and i lit a cigarette for her and she said yea and i put the cigarrette in her mouth because her arms were still tied to the bedpost you see.

    and i said what do you wanna do next and she said tony i will do anything with you.

    and if that doesnt make you feel like a handsome devil with a footlong cock then youre in deep trouble.

    so i blew out the torch and got her worked up and she was a loud one which usually distracts me but ive been working on it. and i was whispering some shit and she was saying yes to everything and moaning and yelling and i whispered im gonna call your sister and let her hear you moan and she said please dont but she moaned it confusing me, which isnt to say i wasnt a bit worked up too, and we had drunken all that straight rum and something was smoked

    and i was all, ok does she really not want me to dip into her purse and grab the phone and… or what? and i said im gonna put this phone in a very bad place and then call it with my phone and she said mmmmm and i said then im gonna sell it on ebay and she said mmmmm and i said and im gonna sell the video ive been making of this whole thing and she said mmmmm and i wondered if she heard me so i said and i will sell the dvd of what we just did for an hour and she said mmmmm and i realized that her phone had been on vibrate the whole time

    and youd never guess when youre little who you wouldnt call back when youre older.