1. Wednesday, March 7, 2007

    i dont mind being bald. 

    wooden indian on broadway in downtown LA i dont mind being fat. i dont mind being old. and i dont mind being single.

    but i dont think its a good idea if you like pussy to be old bald and fat when youre single.

    in LA.

    i got a wakeup call when i went to the store last month and everytime i sat to get into the car or got up out of the car my pants would unsnap.

    maybe its cuz i just got them out of the dryer, i thought to myself.

    because i have the greatest job in the world where i get to work at home in my pajamas bottoms and tassels on my tits, i hadnt noticed that no, dumbass, the pants werent unsnapping like crazy because of any dryer, they were unsnapping because i was eating too much fucking shit

    so for lent i gave up eating at fast food restaurants. which are my favorite. which i love. which i own stock in. which i hope to own one day.

    my true dream is to own the jack in the box, burger king, and mcdonalds all in the same small town. people would complain about the possibility of price fixing but little would they know that i would indeed price fix but in the favor of the citizens.

    during breakfast and on thursday nights theyd get ridiculously low prices

    cuz thats where they get you. breakfast.

    anyways i have been doing great with my lent promise. and even though when i drive down the street i know where every drive thru is and i know where the ones are in the horizon i have instead cooked food for myself, read the labels of the snacks that i eat when i get the, cough, munchie, and when i make love to the ladies i make sure to do it under the blankets so we sweat a little.

    last night i went to an invite only LA blogger party held in swanky west hollywood at a bar that used to be gay but is now russian. and i noticed that even when i tried to make my pants pop its buttons off they wouldnt pop.

    who knew a little will power would create the desired results so quickly?

    and imagine what that belly would look like if i ran around the block a few times every morning.

    and by morning i mean noon since thats when i wake.