busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, May 30, 2007

    there could be weirder people than me 

    but i doubt it.

    all day all i do is answer email. very similar to my job at e! where i handled hundreds of emails a day, all i do is get offers from people (writers, bands, producers, publicists, scammers, authors, photographers, everyone) and most of the time all i wanna say is hell no.

    sometimes i will see something terrific, if not perfect, and i will say yes. but because the world tries to compete with me in being weird it will say oh you are saying yes, well what we really mean is no we’re not into giving you what we said. we dont really want your attention.

    girls are no different.

    theres nothing i like better than catholic girl skirts on dark haired girls. other day just my sort of girl showed up wearing a catholic skirt and i was all this girl has read my books, but no, as soon as we started driving and i put my hand on her leg she was all excuse me?

    and i was like, sorry your totally exposed legs seemed cold.

    and lonely

    and oh so sad.

    tonight i was invited to an mtv wrap party. i wanted to go and now i dont.

    last night i was in this same seat thinking the same thing about the arcade fire. the thought being i dont wanna go.

    knowing full well that i would love going whereever it was that i need to be at.

    and it would be good for my job.

    my arcade fire review and video and pics got linked by lots of places including the arcade fire fan club site. so clearly going last night was the right thing to do. and what idiots job includes having fun and meeting cool people and talking about fun things like music blogging and la. with beautiful girls.

    i lost my mind a long time ago when i sold all my things in frisco and broke up with the girl of my dreams. this girl had bazooms for ba-days. and you can say oh well im an ass man but you could not be into soft serve ice cream lets say, but if the best soft serve ice cream machine all of a sudden got installed in your kitchen and bedroom and bathroom and stairs and passenger side you might develop an appreciation, lets say.

    i dont know how cobrasnake does it. hes out every night. i know how he does it, hes a teenager. sometimes i think damn if i had this job twenty years ago i could totally do this. but the truth is if i had this job twenty years ago id be making all the mistakes that the kids are making today: drinking too much, drugging too much, being dumb.

    im taking the subway cuz its a free bar

    yesterday i thought about my first california girlfriend michele cuz the accordian player drummer keyboardist hurdy gurdy chick of arcade fire looks exactly like her.

  2. i saw the arcade fire tonight. 

    my body is a cage.

    somehow i found myself without a date. but jesse jackson once said where theres oppression theres opportunity. and even though my lust life was being temporarily oppressed it meant that i had the opportunity to spend all the money on just me.

    which meant when the first scalper said i got a ticket in the back for $50 i said no thanks, i will spend more if you can get me close, all i need is one ticket.

    and it also meant that when the second scalper said i got a ticket in the middle for $70 i said hmmmm. but then no thank you.

    and the third scalper said i have one ticket in the middle of the first section for $80 i said, dont any of you brothas have anything in the front? this is the mothafuckin arcade fire playing where there was just a damn fire.

    and this guy smiled and showed me a ticket that said section A, middle, fourth row.

    and he said $140.

    and everyone looked at me and i said nice. and people talked around us and i didnt say anything because the trick in sales is the first person who talks loses.

    i looked at the ticket. i made sure it was for the right day. i felt the weight of it. i looked at the ink. and yeah it was telling me i had a great ticket.

    unfortunately i had only gotten $100 out of the atm on the way up the mountain to the greek. and sure i coulda probably walked the dude over to an atm but thats not right.

    then we heard a big cheer from the crowd which meant the arcade fire was about to go on stage, and the dude said, gimme a hundred

    and within minutes i was right up in there.

    later i got a Pinks hotdog and a gordon beirch beer because thats what they sell at the greek. and i danced with the asian girls in my row. and the stacked parking at the greek for $15 is lame but its what we deserve for driving cars.

    and here it is 1:23am and im still blown away and i realize ive told you nothing abou tthe show.

    first of all being in section a doesnt mean front section, theres a 8 person deep pit between the stage and section a. which is fine. better, in fact because you get to hear a nice mix of PA speakers and the band’s actual amps.

    i get into so many free shows and get so much free stuff, this was money very well spent because it was exactly what i wanted, exactly perfectly done with the best band touring right now.

    on LAist i said that arcade fire is the best band even better than Rage against the Machine and no one said shit cuz its true. fuckers had nine people on stage today. all wailing, all being adorable, all playing new fucking music. they are so young and talented i cant wait until they get used to being better than everyone else and quit playing down to their competition.

    it was a beautiful show musically, but there was very little freshness in the show. there wasnt much show. they were very happy, we were very happy, but there was no danger. when i saw them play at devore with ashleys friend anne the dudes ran out in to the crowd and thew their sticks at the big screens and people were panicking and it seemed like they were trying to prove that they deserved to be headlining that thing soon.

    last night it was like, yes we made it, lets sit back and play you the great tunes we have. which is nice. actually, it is nice. sometimes you should enjoy a simmering crackling fire as much as a freaking blaze.

    and i still might go back tomorrow.

    one full song and eight pictures here

  3. Tuesday, May 29, 2007

    i had a great holiday weekend and i hope you did too. 

    laist bbq

    i hosted not one but two bbqs and my personal trainer says that a body in motion stays in motion therefore a bbq thats grillin stays grillin

    sunday was our monthly LAist meeting which is usually a dozen or so rounds at a local tavern, but because our staff has been growing like crazy it was decided that we were to get a keg of beer and have it at my house.

    because it was the day before memorial day and we’re all proud patriots, we figured there should be some hotdogs and chicken on a flaming grill so i made an iTunes playlist, i had my maid show up on friday, and on sunday people showed up and it was really really really fun.

    i seriously dont like hosting parties but when its over and i look back, often times im happy i did it. i really like the people who write with me and its nice to be able to give back since they all volunteer their free time to make that site as good as it is.

    this month we could get lucky and break the all time record, but it looks like we might just slip under it by a tad. it all depends, i guess, on how many people at work feel like goofing off today and how many wanna get right to work.

    last night i saw Quiet Company at the Silverlake Lounge. that is Leah’s husband’s band. before the show i got a call from them telling me they were coming into town from Vegas and i was all, awesome, i have all this left over bbq stuffs: chicken, hot dogs, buns, beer. and they were all awesome we’re a starving band on the road.

    so we ate, drank and then they rocked the house.

    good times.

    i wont even talk about whats going on with the cubs. that would be silly.

    one of the nicer things about our monthly meetings is i get to finally meet the new people who have recently signed up to write for us. and the other day i got to meet Malingering, who i seriously thought was a 400 lb woman. ms fader, her friend, said you really dont know what she looks like? and i said nope. and i told her what i expected and malingering came in the house a good 300 lbs lighter than i thought, attractive, and even her sister was cute. they both looked almost exactly like the new miss universe, congratulations, btw.

    but the biggest surprise was something i should have expected – the girl took all these pictures and didnt stop. it was awesome. it was really malingering!

    and because it was malingering, i had to show off my muffin top. photos i will share with you once she posts em.

  4. Sunday, May 27, 2007

    a year ago today i was fired 


    so guess whose summer vacation just suddenly arrived?

    mine.

    hi tony.

    hi vacation?

    i didnt think i was going to have a summer vacation, and ive gotta say, i was a little jealous of a lot of bloggers out there who were all pumped that their finals were over or they were graduating, and that they were going to laze into trying to find a little job to get their parents off their back, but mostly work on hitting the sand surf and suntan oil.

    why is it that may has found me unemployed two years in a row now?

    because the Lord loves me? lets pretend that thats why.

    who knows, its probably true.

    mid october i started working at buzznet. immediately i was sent to nyc to attend the BlogOn conference with mc brown. we threw our first east coast Buzznet meetup party at Lolita in chinatown. ironically i was abducted by a couple of lolitas right after meeting jamie and his girl, and several other manhattanites, but i managed to escape in the morning. i also hung with AJ who i hadnt seen in quite a while, scott and tons of friends, hung with amy, met jeff jarvis, met my book agent, and even ate with anne ferris. and saw the daily show, thanks to jason ross.

    as soon as we got back to LA we had a Los Angeles Buzznet meetup back when the office was sort of still a loft. i met so many buzznetters who i’d always admired, but never met. plus a lot of the girls from my old job at look-look showed up and i had missed them so that was killer.

    that next week one of buzznet’s biggest bands was playing at the wiltern. fall out boy. they were playing with panic! at the disco and motion city soundtrack. so i was sent down there to pass out flyers about buzznet and take pics of the kids in line. the kids were wonderful and now panic! is a top 40 band. i took over 100 pics.

    i would have gone to the show but i had to run over to Tower on Sunset to take a bunch of pics of Tsar doing an instore. then i ate a burrito and hustled back to the strip to take a bunch more pics of tsar who rocked the roxy.

    a few weeks later i was flown to vancouver, bc, canada where we had our first canadian buzznet meetup. i hung out with matt good and took tons of pics and from the best ones i made this photo essay. i met so many cool canadians it was ridiculous. i was treated like the queen. id be back.

    i got back to LA in enough time to take over 100 pictures at the Doo Dah parade. and that night i went to see Juliette Lewis and the Licks play with Tsar. i took hella pics including that crazy one of juliette on the right, who i adore. tsar ruled too, fyi.

    a week later i flew to chicago and for a thanksgiving Chicago Buzznet Meetup. among others i got to meet jessica and erin who partied with me and bob all night. as in All night. so fun. hi kids from oswego. hi brian and byron. the best part of the meetup was it was in the shadows of wrigley field. so rad.

    the first week of december found me at the virgin at hollywood and highland for an inxs in-store. inxs was working with buzznet at the time so i got to take a bunch of pics for them for inxs.com and buzznet. it was an honor.

    a few days later i shot a ton of pics of tsar at spaceland where they were just named one of the top bands in los angeles by the LA Weekly. my highlight was getting a half dozen pics of poison guitarist cc deville with rocket and tsar.

    my mind is fuzzy but i think somewhere in december i helped buzznet have their biggest hit day ever, biggest hit week, and biggest day of signups. we all hugged each other and it was decided that i was the man, because i had used the guidelines given to me from the book buzzmarketing to create attention and news to our site.

    to celebrate i drove up to san francisco where i hung out again with jessica and many other cool kids where we sang karaoke. by we i dont mean me. then i drove up through northern california to umpqua oregon and celebrated Christmas in Eugene. i pretty much worked every day of this so called vacation. not because i had to but because i wanted to. i loved doing what i was doing.

    after Christmas i drove up through some rainbows to tacoma and actually sang karaoke with the pants who is far more beautiful in real life. the next day i drove through seattle to take pics of kurt kobains old neighborhood and his old house.

    made it to vancouver again, had sushi with mr good again. turned around the next day, drove through oregon and tried to go down the 1 but there was super flooding happening. i saw a dead cow in an overflooded river. it was so sad. got stuck in southern oregon. worked from the motel. got up in the morning and took lots of pics.

    got home on new years day and took pics of the rain coming down on the rose parade.

    in the middle of january koganuts from virgin megastore started inviting me and buzznet to some of their secret shows. the first one was with giant drag. i took pics. i wasnt very good with the camera that we had bought. but i was there. i did what i could. a week later we were invited to the Coachella The Movie premiere. i took a bunch of pics there on the red carpet including my hero the cobrasnake.

    near the end of the month i was on a date with a super hot chick when heather graham showed up to have her birthday party there. i took this picture which got linked by defamer. heather’s way hotter than that but we had both been drinking for many hours at that point. me, i had been drinking for 6 hours by then. of course cobrasnake was there.

    a few weeks later my true love Chris moved off to africa. i said let me take some pics. she said no. i said baby i work for a photo sharing community, i sorta have to. plus your cans look great in that shirt, i mean your eyes are so beautiful. she sneered and almost smiled. then she smiled. then she almost cried.

    a few days after that, this is february by the way, i was sent to Amsterdam by the dutch government. i figured this would be a good time to have our first european buzznet meet up. i got to meet bicyclemark, the dude from americablog, justagirl and tons of other cool kids. it was cold but i took shittons of pics and even found some pics to put on buzznet that got us tens of thousands of hits. i know it may have looked like a vacation but i worked and produced and got buzznet some great attention. justagirl even got to hear me vomit. lucky babe.

    two weeks after i returned i was being sent to Austin Texas for SXSW. i got to meet leah for the first time which was a thrill because we’d been reading each other since she was 15. i got to speak on two panels. i met sooooo many cool people it was retarded. i got interviewed a bunch. and me and marc saw tons of bands and took tons of pics and video. in fact almost every night i was at the red bull house, of which we were co-sponsors and we were mentioned the usa today blog pop candy.

    i worked and partied every night till 3am almost every single night. asher was great, bunny was great, the pants, ev and robert, marc canter, dan and sara, the fajita prince, dooce and jon, halley and scoble – they were all killer. i even got to take a few hundred pics of one of our most popular Buzznet band, my chemical romance. far more pics of them than anyone on the web. plus i was blogging on the buzznet blog almost every day. oh and we got to hang with the texas roller girls, of whom i took buckets of pics.

    despite all the hits i generated for buzznet, or all the kickass people i met, or attention i brought to them, probably my proudest moment were those ten days that we covered sxsw interactive and music. no other outlet covered it every day, took tons of pics, took tons of video, and wrote about it every damn day. not pitchfork, not mtv, not anyone. i was there even after it was over to see how the locals rocked. the best bands of the event? the bellrays, honkey, and the go! team.

    it was there that i got sick and didnt recover until this week. exhaustion? burn-out? stress? who knows. all i do know is i got a day off when i returned and i was back at it the day after that and i wanted to be at it. i loved what we had done and coachella was right around the corner.

    when i got home i took pics of Hard-Fi at the virgin private show thing. they were rad.

    the next week i found myself in toronto slash waterloo for a one night only toronto buzznet meet up. i was there for 24 hours. just enough time to see toronto for the first time, catch a matt good show, and go to a strip club with pitt and chad and mikey and fil and raymi and a few others. i also got to meet the outlaw and several others who pulled me aside at the show to introduce themselves. oh canada, thanks for making me feel like a star. oh we also saw a baseball game at the dome. yes all of this in 24 hours. and we went to tim hortons.

    every day for the month of april i wrote at least one pre-write about coachella in the buzznet coachella blog, i even asked fellow bloggers to run a free blogad to it and 30 of you were nice enough to do so, and then at the end of april we were there at coachella. i even blogged about that. some of the posts were silly, but the point was to do just like how we did SXSW – provide the best coverage BY FAR of any other outlet in the world. pre-writes, photos, videos, and post coverage.

    buzznet was the official photosharing community for the fest. i got to do so many things but mostly i took pics and helped others upload their pictures onto buzznet. sometimes for the first time ever. it was hot. and at the end of the two day fest we had collected and uploaded nearly Four Thousand Photos. i think we had done our job.

    oh and we got 128 videos, including some silly interviews i conducted with people who were camping out in the tents, the security chief, and a tour of the campground, among others.

    madonna, matisyahu, kanye west, wolfmother, the yeah yeah yeahs, and cat power were my favorite bands that weekend. but the best part was working with my coworkers at buzznet: marc, lizy, mark, bree, steve, bree’s boyfriend and marks drummer. and the good people at coachella and the at&t blue room who both stoked us. there is nothing more enjoyable to me than to work with a great team of people who just work and get the job done. to me its all about results and the results of that gig mostly have to go to marc and the content team. flickr would have loved to have had our spot but coachella loves buzznet, and should.

    still on the ride home i pulled over and barfed and told lizy that it was because i had a bad feeling that our results wouldnt be met with the love that it should. and sometimes being right will make you sick to your stomach.

    when we got back we were mentioned in the usa today, defamer linked it, laist linked to it.

    right after coachella i was tasked to start finding great content for a new project buzznet is slowly unveiling called big hombre, a blog of sorts for young men in the vein of maxim or fhm, mostly about hot babes, funny videos, and street fights and stuff. every day i was supposed to find a certain amount of content, write funny headlines, and post them. among other things that i did, when i had extra time i started giving people photography assignments in our forums. one forum discussion got over 500 posts in a few days. pretty much a record that i doubt will be broken any time soon.

    all in all i was responsible for at least 13 million page views to buzznet in the seven and a half months that i was there. no one user had ever attracted more than 2.5 million hits other than the pretty boy bass player of the top 40 band fall out boy. i had one user account that got 9.5 million hits, another which is at 2.3 million, and my personal account went over a million hits just a few weeks ago, meaning not only had i been the only person to ever have two accounts to ever get over 2 million, but the only one to ever have three go over a million.

    and to be honest, before i showed up no one even thought that anyone could get a million that quick, but one of my accounts did more than that in a week.

    i took over 4,000 pictures and posted them, i wrote over 100 blog entries, i sent out over 50,000 messages to our users, and in seven months i hosted seven buzznet meetups in three different countries, most of the time at no cost to the company. i think i was a pretty decent community manager.

    unfortunately not everyone saw it that way. which is why tonight im unemployed.

    so my plan going forward is to try a few things. i want to send my resume to a few companies, but i cant see them saying yes. i mean the cubs will probably say, dude we already have a black manager and he sucks.

    then i will probably get scared and compile a new collection of better-than-average busblog posts like what i did in How To Blog, and maybe that will sustain me for the summer, but anyone who flowed to my ipod fund knows i suck at mailing shit. in fact any one who didnt get what was promised should email me. i now have time to make good on your generosity.

    and then come the fall i’ll probably just start selling my ass on santa monica blvd while wearing a dress and a blonde wig at the del taco.

    whatever i do, i think im gonna take a few days off from the busblog this weekend. in two years ive done on here what i did at buzznet, pretty much work every day. even when i wasnt asked to, even when nobody cared. have i even taken two days off from this blog in three years? i dont think so.

    some people like to jump into things full force. im one of those weirdos. some people get freaked out by that energy. me, my best times have been when ive given 100% on things i really know about. i knew how to be successful at buzznet. that is, i knew how to make buzznet more successful. maybe i will have a shot at making some other company more successful. or maybe i will have to just try to do something myself.

    right now i have no idea whats next. none. and thats not the best feeling. i know it could be, but i dont have a bunch of cash to sit on. ive gotta figure something out soon. sux. although this might be a good time to head to the desert and talk to the spirits. or to isla vista and talk to the bikini team. or to vegas and talk to the elvises. or i could sell everything in this junky house and see what it gets. and then write an autobiography and start a new slate.

    i do know that you guys will be here, and that is a blessing that not too many people have, and for that im so grateful you have no idea.

    joe, it was nice sitting next to you.

  5. every day i see people quitting their blogs 

    and trust me, if theres anyone who knows how hard it is to keep up a blog its me.

    sometimes i look at it and i say, boy we’re gonna have to take you around back and fix this problem.

    what problem?

    my time management problem.

    history is written by the writers so if any of you found yourself in the dot com boom dont let people rewrite what really happened during that beautiful time. people want to talk about expensive company parties and young people not knowing what they were doing and pool tables in the offices and free food, etc. what happened was alan greenspan wanted to cool off the economy cuz it was too hot. only problem was we didnt need him to put his dick into the situation. and the economy froze everyone except for the very strongest.

    i did not become a millionaire in my wallet but the things that i learned will never leave me and one of the things i learned was from a former marine officer who probably shouldnt have been working for us but hey it was the dot com boom and one of the beautiful things that you experienced were beautiful mismatches like that.

    and one of the things this guy told us young kids was we were misusing our energy. he said he wished he had what we had but we were fucking it all to shit by not being a little focused and having some sort of structure.

    id fuck up on something and hed say time management tony.

    id forget something and hed say time management son.

    two girls would pass by me and giggle and id look over at him and say time management bro.

    anyways you too can have a life, beat off, read books, hike in the hills, and throw garden parties

    and blog

    if you set aside 20 minutes a day.

    and dont make those 20 minutes be the last 20 minutes of your day cuz for sure you wont do it then.

    if you normally brush your teeth before you go to bed, do this, blog before you brush your teeth. tell your imaginary friend tony about your day.

    here i’ll go first.

    my maid came by on friday and she was working really long on my apartment and i was about to run off to the cubs game and she was saying how happy she was to have her son home for the summer but she didnt know what to do with him as he doesnt have many friends here.

    and two very good friends of mine gave me two pairs of cubs tickets for this weekend, and i was on my way to see fridays game so i said hey i have a pair of dodger tickets for tomorrows game, take your boy.

    and her face lit up and she said oh tony.

    so whoever it was who sent me saturday tickets, you made a very nice woman and her son very very happy.

    so today i woke up at noon, turned on the game, and watched the cubs beat the dodgers as carlos zambrano regained his stuff.

    and now we’re on our way.

    wasnt that easy?

  6. Thursday, May 24, 2007

    several years ago today i was so much younger and such a better blogger 

    i first met miss spain universe, mar’a jesos ruiz garz-n, in a topless tapas joint in madrid in january 2000.

    she didnt know the place was a topless tapas establishment either, but we both took off our shirts and cozied up to the bar.

    i was there with two dozen of my closest friends to see rock group tsar.

    there being spain, not the topless tapas place.

    mar’a asked me if i was americano

    i said, si.

    she asked me if i liked my tapas

    i said, si.

    she asked me if i liked her cunt-

    then she coughed

    country

    and i said

    si.

    she asked me if i knew more spanish than just yes and no and i said

    si.

    she asked me what other words i knew.

    i said, burrito, taco, guacamole…

    she said, we dont have those things here.

    i said, si.

    so we simply slowdanced to the spanish guitars and i sang her a little song that i made up there on the spot.

    i sang

    spanish girl
    in all the world
    i want a spanish girl

    she doesnt know
    how much i weigh in pounds
    she doesnt care
    that im 108, 108 years oooooold
    oooooh my spanish girl.

    she sighed and looked at me with eyes of a girl falling madly in love
    as the twinkle lights of the disco ball rained possibilities
    and the lines began to form outside the dunc’n donuts shop across the pallazo.

    she said, i know how much pounds you weigh.

    i said, what about the metric system.

    she said, yes, but i know.

    i said, ah.

    she said, si.

    and i smiled.

    and i tilted my head to the exito

    and she said si.

    and we left into the madrid night forgetting our shirts

    and not giving a muchas gracias.

  7. me: i got soul food 

    darth vader versus obi wan and they talk toastSocialist Hippie Chick: it better be the ‘healthy for your soul’ kind of food [wink]

    me: is there any other kind?

    Socialist Hippie Chick: what did you get?

    me: smothered chicken, collard greens, rice and gravy, sweet potatoes, corn bread, and a big cookie, and a Big Gulp of dr pepper

    Socialist Hippie Chick: holy shit!

    me: [smile] being thin is for girls. being happy is where its at. i would apply to work there as a summer job but i dont wanna take a job away from a young black kid. i love my people. i may not have made out with many of my sistahs, but i love them.

    Socialist Hippie Chick: you can be thin and happy btw. and actually happeir [wink]

    me: ive never seen it

    Socialist Hippie Chick: i am super happy when i get A LOT OF EXERCISE. it just makes me feel good that i can kick ass so well.

    me: lots of things make me super happy. eating yupiie food is not one of them

    Socialist Hippie Chick: i could have a really bad comment right now but i am hold my tongue [wink]

    me: ahahah DO IT!

    Socialist Hippie Chick: nope

    me: you know i can take it

    Socialist Hippie Chick: if you want to be fat and die of a heart attack fine[wink], but they build statues of fit and trim people.

    me: if anyone ever makes a statue of me, tear it down. i dont even like pictures o me

    Socialist Hippie Chick: you always look good in pictures. you have good eyes for pictures.

    me: doing things so that chicks will f you is silly too. and the root of all evil

    Socialist Hippie Chick: WHATEVER

    who are you?

    me: ahahahaah

    Socialist Hippie Chick: now you aren’t even making sense

    me: todays howard stern was probably the best show in 15 years
    all because fat artie just said fuckit and was super honest for the first time in a long time
    and howard was yelling back
    and robin chimed in
    and artie explained how unhappy he is

    Socialist Hippie Chick: about?

    me: and howard explained how he had a gun to his mouth twice

    Socialist Hippie Chick: ?

    me: artie is fat and alcoholic
    and sorta on drugs and has a gambling problem

    Socialist Hippie Chick: [frown]

    me: but if you ask me he is falling in the typical Libra thing
    which is, we can be on top of the world, but if we dont have someone in our life that we’re in love with, its like nothing else exists and we get very depressed.
    and artie is on the best radio show, he just played carnagie hall, he loves the howard show since its something that he and his dad loved as listeners
    but he loves to eat and do drugs and gamble and drink
    but the world is telling him he shouldnt
    but deep down hes heartbroken
    b/c he broke up with his gf last year
    and that has made him suicidal

    Socialist Hippie Chick: why did he break up with her?

    me: b/c she wanted him to shape up
    and he was at the crossroads of love or his vices
    and when a libra chooses anything but love we’re ruined
    so today artie said he wants to quit in january
    and maybe go to rehab
    but what set howard off was when howard called artie Bro and artie said we arent bros, we’re not even friends
    and it killed howard
    which is when robin chimed in
    it was great radio. but i learned that we shouldnt fight who we are. arties fat and im black. thus i should drink my grape soda, eat fast food, and soul food, and continue to give this country style while corrupting young white girls

    Socialist Hippie Chick: well i am glad the howard stern show is teaching you something….

    me: tell me you saw the Left Eye tlc special on mtv

    Socialist Hippie Chick: no

    me: you Have to see it. during her last month alive she was filming a doc
    all about her trying to reach some truth
    she went down to central america with her posse, including her bf and brother and closest friends. no makeup, and she was nude a lot

    Socialist Hippie Chick: i saw that a LONG time ago

    me: and the cameras were going when she died. you did?

    Socialist Hippie Chick: when she was fasting

    me: yes

    Socialist Hippie Chick: oh- didn’t see when she died

    me: i thought it was new? ah

    Socialist Hippie Chick: i saw some other documentary on her

    me: maybe they had only released a tiny bit, cuz this is an hour long
    only her voice the whole time cuz there were so many hours of footage

    Socialist Hippie Chick: they waited quite awhile

    me: its so good
    she tells the entire story of her life
    almost like she knew
    but the freakiest was when this little kid died a few days before she did

    Socialist Hippie Chick: [frown]

    me: the kid ran in front of their suv and her sister hit the kid
    and everyone was shaken up
    and she said of course we will pay for everything
    but the kids last name was lopez
    and she was having bad dreams that death was chasing her
    so she said, maybe death got the wrong person
    but then two days later, different car, but driving, bam
    and its such a random way to go too, just one little tiny wrong swerve
    anyways people should live their lives
    artie should eat
    im gonna make tshirts
    “let artie eat”

    Socialist Hippie Chick: well…
    there is always more to it
    you can say that about anyone
    serial killers….
    criminals….

    me: let john gacy kill?
    no, im saying everythings trying to kill us, and if it happens in a delicious way then fine

    Socialist Hippie Chick: i don’t think that people being fat and unhappy is really delicious
    and suffering from diabetes
    or heart disease as a result

    me: ok then this is what youve gotta do
    youve gotta convince people that the ages of 60-77 are worth not eating sweet potatoes covered in gravy when youre young
    because i barely get laid enough now, lord knows im not going to be getting laid when im 77, so fuck old age

    Socialist Hippie Chick: i’ll argue with you when i come over

    me: fair enough, i’ll be eating!

  8. Wednesday, May 23, 2007

    this is just to say 

    that id like you to fill out the honest bloggers quiz in the comments below or on your blog

    k thankx

    also i fired the intern putting together the list on the left. so if you are linking to the busblog and want me to link you back, lemme know in the comments of this post horrya/

  9. Tuesday, May 22, 2007

    i know sk reads zulieka 

    Zulieka so maybe she will come out of the wordwork and update her blog now that z has graced her blog with a portrait.

    kansas do you realize there are milfs like her in your midst? actually ive heard some very nice things about kansas but mostly about its bbq and women do know where to find good food so it wouldnt surprise me if the rumors were true.

    today i was trying to find some books to send to africa. xxx, mostly.

    chris requested some anais nin but i dont know how you properly pronounce her first name and just like for record stores i get political when i choose where i will buy my books.

    i believe that life would be better with a lot of small record stores and book stores and less gigantor ones and deep discounts at soulless places like best buy and wal*mart.

    if i was president i would run under the Class platform – “no it might not be 100% constitutional, but its classy.”

    therefore i would ban cd sales and book sales in any building larger than a small one bedroom apartment. stores would be forced to specialize. experts would crop up. people would end up with a wider variety of styles to enjoy. life would be classier.

    and then when no one was looking i would sneak in a law that said theres no such thing as nudity being against the law.

    so i first went to the fancy independent book store in los feliz, the one next to the movie theatre, but they didnt have anything by her far as i could tell and i was too embarrassed to ask the people who worked there because i didnt want them to think know i was a perv reading anais nin (“sure it’s a gift for your friend in africa. my friend on pluto thinks youre a lying sack of doo.”) and 2. i didnt want them to know that i didnt know how to pronounce her name. it was very quiet at the time in the book store yet eerily packed for no. good. reason.

    so i went to the super independent used bookstore on hollywood blvd a block away from wacko. and there was a black woman sitting on a chair reading the newspaper. and i looked around and there didnt seem to be any order to anything and i found a little book of stories by eudora welty that i suddenly had to have and i asked the woman where i could find some anais nin and she said who and i said uh-nay-issss nin.

    and she said one minute, and she walked outside and went next door and a minute later a black dude came limping in and he didnt know who the hell i was talking about either and he walked me to a few shelves and he said heres where the biographies are and limped back out to where something was more interesting.

    and i looked and looked and paid the lady who gave me no bag or receipt because im green and i went to wacko and couldnt find it and there it was on amazon marketplace which is probably Barnes n Noble in disguise but what can you do

    ring ring my home phone said which is funny because i thought i had turned off its ringer.

    hello?

    a womans voice said did you watch entourage? my voice said yes. her voice said if you were vincent would you bang the woman who just helped fund your dream movie. i said uh. she said, her husband is telling you to fuck her. would you? they just gave you $60 million dollars.

    and i said because theres no way that the Lord would think that someone would seriously pay 60 million dollars for one session of sexual activity then it cannot be considered prostitution, therefore it doesnt go against the bible other than adultry but the husband is almost demanding it and he is sorta your boss and its hbo so yeah id do it.

    and she screamed WRONG ANSWER and hung up.