1. Thursday, June 21, 2007

    quite a few of my friends are depressed 

    which bothers me because if theres one thing that undercover superheroes want to do is save the world. therefore when their friends are in need of being saved things are very tough because for some reason its easier – way easier, actually – to save strangers than your friends.

    which is why it helps to be a master of disguises.

    form of a blog post… if anyone should be depressed its your narrator. water water everywhere but not a drop to stick my fingers into and lick if you know what i mean.

    despite being a hundred and twenty eight i still have my needs and sometimes you dont realize that youve put all of your cheerleaders on time out and noone is very happy with you. and the cubs are losing. and we traded our catcher to SAN DIEGO for some reason. because he gets into fights with the pitchers? good fuck the pitchers who give up 13 hits in one game. i dont care what your last names rhymes with.

    when i was a lad my dream was to be the manager of the cubs. and a lot of my dreams the Lord just said, dude, good dreams but chill we’ll have someone else take care of those for you. so instead of having kids that look like me, my sister took care of that and instead of managing the cubs to a raucous crazy summer, the Lord assigned Lou Pinella to do it for me.

    the Creator, it appears wants me to write blog posts to you. and more of them. fine.

    today i drove around hollywood and this guy was getting impatiant in the left hand turn lane. both lanes on the right of him were empty and there was a green light. i knew all of this because i was 10 cars behind and all i saw was daylight in two lanes.

    but fucker decides that he isnt going to wait to turn left, instead hes going to go right over two lanes, turn right and pull a U turn – thus catching that light so he can make his original left.

    hard to explain.

    doesnt matter. because he had to cut across my path to do it i laid on the horn like no other man has ever. because thats seriously bullshit. and when he pulled his u turn i thought he was coming after me. and one of the benefits of not getting laid in far too long is youre ready to fight some asshole who instead of waiting to turn left – cuts across three lanes to the right to pull a u turn.

    so when he did his u turn i pulled over to the right lane and parked. because as a superhero the last thing you want is for some jackhole to get people in an accident as he tries to speed down sunset blvd chasing down the asswipe who honked at him.

    so i pulled over and got out of my car and with one hand i kept sustaining the horn and with my other hand i flipped him off as he waited for the light to turn green.

    and if i wasnt in the xbi i would have pulled out my pistol and shot out some tires.

    all of this, btw happened right below the CNN building, a huge tower where nothing happens inside, but everything is happening around it.