1. Wednesday, July 18, 2007

    what is it that attracts me to teens? 

    im not pretty. im short tempered. im bald. now im bearded. i wear the worst clothes ever. ive been know to stink.

    i have athletes feet in the summer. i have rabies. i have babies. i have b cups. they turn to c cups in the summer. i have hair on my back i have hair on my nads i have hair on my back.,

    i have hair on my babies. i have hair on my babies backs.

    i sell babies.

    i listen to bad music.

    i only have one thing on my mind ever.

    blogging.

    when they seduce me after a few months they end up saying fine enough get off me, and run to the bathroom.

    and cry.

    ive been known to be the most disgusting man ever. probably because men who have filthy fetishes tell you first and it doesnt seem so bad. but if a fellow appears to be normal and then does something insanely disgusting its more shocking.

    my hairy back moustashed babies who speak with fake french accents are shocking.

    maybe they like me cuz i dont judge. little boobies, fine. flapjacks? fine. big whopping melons where ones a whole cup size bigger than the other. fine. more to laugh about. more to kid about. more to tie up while watching espn.

    at the bbq the other day i saw a young lady smoking a cigar. now in most corners of the world that is a simple cry for attention and since i was sorta a cohost of the bbq i introduced myself and we chatted and it was nice and all was well until the next day when someone sent me that picture and said shes 17.

    maybe i should just apply to be editor of seventeen magazine and just get it over with.

    in other news the cubs got jason kendall and he played his first game as a cub today and when he was announced and walked to the plate everyone at wrigley stood up and applauded for him and i stood up and applauded too waking the barely twentysomething on my couch who was taking a mid afternoon catnap and she said

    you are NOT cheering a guy simply walking to the plate

    and i said am i blogging?

    and she said um no.

    and i said then theres only one other thing on my mind.

    and she closed her eyes and started fake snoring superfast but it sounded like she was hyperventilating.

    and it woke the babies.