and answers from the worst man of all, tony pierce
1. World Peace, Legalized Weed, or a live Bukowski reading? Why?
If weed was legal there’d be a LOT more peace and it would inspire the next generation of great writers and poets and losers to bang out a few more books. Or it would simply inspire them to bang more.
2. Are you sad that something came up and I couldn’t see you in :LA?
Michael (aka Azreal Darkskies)
To be honest, im usually very nervous about meeting fans of the busblog because im afraid i cannot ever possibly live up to the personae that ive created. so i was probably quite relieved.
3. When will you come to Chicago and sit in the bleachers with me and drink warm Old Style?
As tempting as you make it sound, you’ll have to wait till next year. I’m trying to save the world over here.
4. this has been bothering me for quite some time. i would like to know why, at the end of the day, when i have consumed nothing more than cereal and coffee, my sink is overflowing with dishes, YET AGAIN. all i ever do is the fucking dishes and here they are again, night after night, CONSTANTLY MOCKING ME FROM MY DISGUSTING SINK.
it never ends. please help.
if you do them it only encourages them. i mock them by eating fast food and cooking using paper bowls and plastic forks. when the sink starts stinking i say oh yeah? and cut a fart and light it.
5. Why do girls seem a little bit accessible everywhere else?
Girls hate local boys. proven fact. always be on the road. always be traveling. always be leaving home and make them miss you, and stay away far too long and before you return demand that they welcome you back – properly. and if they agree and then dont fulfill their end of the bargain, stop talking to them forever and share their secrets with the world in upcoming books.
6. why do people forget that i have been blogging longer than you, is it because you are more of a whore opportnist or just a whore? when are you going to grow some hair back? when are you going to stop saying baby? it makes my skin crawl haha.
1) b/c youre a woman 2. b/c youre canadian 3. b/c i was web-siteing before you were blogging, baby. and ps thats not your skin crawling thats your juices flowing and i appreciate the compliment.
7. Will you come to Vancouver on September 20th for the Matt Good show to hang out with all the cool people and hotties you met in Vegas?
that day is my mommys birthday and the things i would do with the hotties i met in vegas i would never do on my mommys birthday
8. Would ya?
in canada theres very little i wouldnt do cuz it doesnt count up there. except cocaine. i would never do that there.
9. why the fuck not?
ok fine, you talked me into it.
10. How overrated is grad school?
if it allows you to become a professor at UC Isla Vista it’s perfectly-rated. if its just a way to avoid the world for a few years as you bang undergrads, repeatedly. wait what were we talking about?
11. When will TSAR rule the world?
Why are chicks so whacked?
Why is Bush still in office?
Who is your favorite candidate?
How is your carpal tunnel?
Do you ever tire of writing?
when fear is thru with its turn, if i got cramps and bled once a month id be way worse than any chick i ever met, dumb constitution, ron paul 08, 90% cleared up thank you!, writing is the same as beating off and taking recordbreaking shits and i love all three equally – infact this week i wrote write my 2,000th post on LAist
12. How much better is Canadian weed?
Would you rather stay sober than smoke a shitty bowl?
Michael (aka Azreal Darkskies)
not to burst your bubble but it wasnt better than the weed i normally smoke, but it was way funner to get in vancouver, mostly because it was from the hells angels, and the process was very quick and organized. just like naked girls, if you cant make something good out of a bowl of weed then you probably should go back to defending george bush because youre clearly not playing this game correctly.
when you have a pity party – do you invite god? cuz you kinda know what he’s gonna say.
if theres one thing i avoid its negativity. oh and success. however when i have been very sad i have been enlightened while in prayer. its only happened a few times but its amazing. i sorta avoid those moments too cuz theyre super freaky.
what happened to malingering on laist?
everyone deserves a summer vacation. especially her.
Jesus comes back and says “Tony? You need to run the L.A. Times’ sports section.” What do you do in the first 100 days?
the first day id say, but i wanted to run the playboy mansion blog squad.
the second day id say, but id rather work with melissa lalum at the Daily News
the third day id say, wait just because i need to run it doesnt mean i have the gig
the fourth day id say, oh great thanks for giving me the gig, didnt want it
the fifth day id say, how did i end up here on spring street, what happened to free will?
the sixth day id say, its saturday why am i still at work?
the seventh day id rest
the eighth day id fire everyone except helene elliott
the ninth day id rehire the transexual Christine and apologize for firing her
the tenth day id hire Steve Czaban to cover Gaucho Hoops
the eleventh day id hire Scott Ferrell to do the Lunchtime Podcast of Hate
the twelfth day id hire twelve maids a milking
the thirteenth day id write a column about Bud Selig being a racist
the fourteenth day id stop covering the Angels until they cut the shit about being the LA Angels
the fifteenth day id hire Snoop Dogg to do whatever he willzle
there would be a guest sports columnist every day from the world of sport or entertainment. id let kids cover the X Games, like 13 yrs old and under. Sundays would be Ladies Day, all stories written by the fairer sex. sorry HR dept.
there would be so much multimedia live, on-the-spot reporting in the online arm (Jesus would let me run the sports portion of LATimes.com too cuz he Loves me) with videos AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE and not that retardulious LA Times propriety video bullshit that doesnt let you embed and spread the genius thru wacky things like the blogosphere, that it would dominate the world.
i would allow the Laker Girls to write tons. i would demand that Phil Jackson tell us about spirituality and office politics every Saturday during the off season. i would also abuse our local national treasures by picking their brains AT LEAST once a week. those treasures being of course Tommy Lasorda, Vin Scully, Magic Johnson, and Mr. John Wooden. all of whom we’re lucky are still alive so we should celebrate them now and not wait until its too late for long ass bullshit obits and special sections when Jesus offers them new jobs in the sky.