1. Thursday, August 2, 2007

    theres an art to not giving a fuck 

    that i have yet to master

    for example some people can just read an email from you that says oh i dont know, hi remember me we used to be friends. yeah well i heard about that crazy bridge that fell down in minnesota and i know youre still in school there so yeah hows about emailing me back and telling me youre not squooshed by the side of the mississip.

    and some people can just ignore such emails.

    then there are others who can ignore assholes right up in their face. like im watching Big Brother religiously. as in only on sundays. jk. theres this chick Jen who i didnt like at first because she was simply Generic Bim #1, but this dude who thinks hes Tommy Lee Jr. has poured iced tea on her head, called her every name in the book, and even claimed that he could see her cellulite through her clothes and she doesnt even blink. she smiles and says i know i have cellulite. so?

    thats a level of not giving a shit that i truly admire. in fact id hit that shit now and im secretly wishing that she wins. her or the black girl.

    the gay guy stretches in amazing ways and i sorta hate that. dudes arent supposed to be that limber. it worries me. he bends right down without bending his knees and i fear that his poor back is gonna break. can the spine really stretch all the way that way?

    lou pinella of the first place chicago cubs doesnt give a fuck. last night he had a guy up at the plate and the count was 1 ball and 1 strike and lou pinella of the first place chicago cubs said fuckit and pinch hit for the batter right then with the count 1-1. cubs won.

    the key of not giving a shit, ive discovered, is to have an amazing Plan B incase the plan of not giving a shit blows up in yr face.

    for example if you are at a bar in a foreign country and youre taking a leak and some guy sidles up next to you and starts talking crap about the good old us of a. you can get into some sloppy, bloody, completely unsanitary brawl in the stinky back room bathroom and possibly die, which is an option if your Plan B is “there just might be a Heaven which i just might qualify for.”

    or you can say dude fuck off im black. nothing you hate about america has anything to do with me. go talk shit to some white people.

    like your momma.

    and heres a lesson from me to you. just because lou pinella can do it doesnt mean you should try it alone in a foreign land.

    lou does it in front of tens of thousands of people and dozens of teammates.

    and yes i know this is the kiss of death but i had such a good time in canada im going to write a book about it.


    wait oh no stop shit sorry

    just in time for thanksgiving.