busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, September 30, 2007
  2. how hard is it to just give it to the superstar? 

    aint but one fucking superstar on the whole field, and pretty much every time he gets the ball something awesome happens. yet people try to figure out reasons why guys like rex grossman and some of these other people have the ball.

    then other people were dropping the ball.

    sure the superstar dropped the ball a few times too but thats because hes feeling the pressure of the entire damn city on his shoulders.

    you shoulda heard him after the game. so sad.

    because his country grammar is thicker than nellys you can never understand what hes saying whether hes happy or sad but you didnt even wanna look at the screen today after that game because it was almost like

    how many 97 yard runs do i need to make in a game?

    the bears are doomed.

    everyones hurt. fucking detroit aint got shit and yet they get 37 points against ditka? shit.

    wasnt hate week supposed to be over? isnt rocktober supposed to be the month of love? venus? world series miracles? blogstocks? etc?

    if the bears in october look anything like the bears in september id hate to be my tv.

  3. Saturday, September 29, 2007

    this month was the weirdest month ive ever had 

    i was invited by mtv to go to vegas and interview people on the red carpet, i was asked by directv to their emmys party where i danced feet away from paris hilton, i got to interview many people including matt sharp who i asked if i should just give up hoping that he will rejoin weezer, i was possessed by the devil, and then excorcized by the xbi, and then God above came down and blessed not just LAist with the greatest day we’ve ever had, but the Cubs who clinched the playoffs yesterday.

    i had very high highs and very low lows. i was so angry at one point that i could feel it in my eyes, and yesterday we had over ten thousand people an hour come to LAist every hour for 12 hours. that was just one of the very high highs.

    the weirdness didnt end. yesterday i had to go to a business lunch meeting. usually i avoid those at all costs. but because we had broken all records etc i was all fine.

    the meeting went well but the best part was jen from big brother was right there eating with this dude. not only did the dude know who i was because of his friend but jen knew of one of LAist’s photographers.

    it was very weird. shes shorter in person. everyone says that about everyone i know. but she was cuter and shorter and it was great to say hi to her and tell her i liked her on the show.

    during the meeting however came across a slim possibility of maybe doing something at the greatest house in all of los angeles. and possibly the world.

    the scary thing is, this month still has two more days in it. and i sorta dont want to leave the house because ive had plenty for this month already.

    these are some of the things i wrote on LAist this month

    + Big Brother OK With Anti-Semite On Air, but Not in Front of the Press?
    + Todd Marinovich Blames The OC For His Relapse
    + The Secretary Strikes Back
    + The Most Deceptive Sign in LA
    + Is This Where the Fortune Cookie Monster Lives?
    + Ron Paul Delegates Not Allowed to Vote in Texas?
    + Trojan T-Shirt of the Week
    + Pavarotti Finito
    + LA Booker Interview: Chris Diaz of The Knitting Factory
    + Ron Paul Wins Maryland Straw Vote, Fox Debates
    + Bush Knew There Were No WMDs, “Didn’t Give a Fuck”
    + Thai One On: Jao^ka
    + LA Booker Interview: Brian Smith of The Troubadour
    + P. Diddy Owes Me a Party on the Palms
    + MTV 2007 VMA Red Carpet Photo Essay
    + LAist Interviews Common
    + Morning Becomes Eclectic 30th Anniversary Interviews: Gary Calamar
    + White Stripes Cancels Tour Due To Anxiety
    + The Greatest Television on the Internet Ever
    + Griffith Park Observatory Shuttle Fiasco To End?
    + The Most Shocking Picture You’ll See Tonight in LA
    + Thai One On – Thai Patio
    + Flyer of the Week – The Vacation @ The Viper
    + Don’t Tell Your Mom You’re an Atheist
    + The Greatest Story Ever Told: Marcia & Jan Made Out
    + Interview with Matt Sharp of the Rentals
    + The Donnas @ The Viper Room, 9/17
    + LA Booker Interview: Melissa Renee Hernandez of The Viper Room
    + Showtime’s Fountain of Smelly Blood

    and my in box was amazing.
    so weird.

  4. Friday, September 28, 2007
  5. last night LAist went over 900,000 page views in a month 

    which would have been fine if our goal was 900k, it was 1 million.

    but we had some irons in the fire and i woke up this morning, puked, pissed, and brushed my teeth and checked the stats and the numbers were unreal

    if i wasnt dreaming. if my eyes werent deceiving me, we had already gotten over 100,000 page views in the middle of the night pushing us over a million as we slept. as in during the wee hours. as in the hours that IM not even awake.

    in fact we are very close to getting more people coming to LAist today than came there all month of October – the month that i drove around the country to try to raise awareness to our blog.

    oh look at this, the new numbers are in, and yes, before noon today we had more people come to LAist than all of the month of october of last year.

    10pm update: will will come near 300k for the day

    what do you think i prayed for last night?

    i prayed for the cubs to clinch today. i prayed for karisas dad to get better. i prayed for my mom to be able to retire soon. i prayed for chris to be safe in africa. and i prayed for LAist to have a miracle today.

    miracle accomplished.

    i know that to achieve anything at LAist over these past 15 months ive had to sacrifice a lot of things – most of all the world famous busblog. so i am especially grateful to all the surviving readers of this blog who have hung in there with me as i try to figure out the proper

    balance

    as a good friend reminded me of the other day.

    libras are supposed to be the best at balance as our symbol is the scales.

    all i can say is i think the busblog has improved a little bit over the last few months. and ive given this blog some exclusives that i probably shouldnt have. but in the long run every one has won.

    pretty much.

    and today we all win.

    so when you drink something fermented tonight, think of LA

  6. Thursday, September 27, 2007

    some said that the lack of the shot 

    had nothing to do with the bell jar

    but they lied. so many lie. so many lie to me.
    and trust is everything in my life and
    my friends and my xbi partners should know
    that when my trust for them wavers
    either you should send an sos to the world
    or you should reassure me.

    anna kournikova came over last night in a dream.
    she said
    all ur bases belong to us.
    she said
    do not want
    she said
    trust not want not

    she said when you wake you will feel better than youve felt
    for two weeks.
    she said when you wake your arm will hurt you where the xbi shot you
    and your ass will hurt because im freaky

    when i woke i did indeed feel better than ive felt in weeks
    that nauseous feeling was gone
    but maybe it was cuz i was waking alone
    and i hadnt eaten any drugs the night before
    and dranken
    or hated

    however all signs pointed to the second hep shot which wasnt supposed to be related
    to the hate and anger and craziness
    but suddenly all was well

    and member how i told you the other day,
    that each morning around noon i wake
    and go to my front door
    open it and take in the california sun
    etc?
    well this morning, i did the same thing, and i looked on my front porch
    and right in the middle of it where the dogs usually lay giant turds
    someone or something had laid
    dozens of hot delicious cookies
    and a carton of milk in a bucket of ice.
    and cups.
    with a nice note
    to me.

    just like how the devil
    has disappeared from my bachelor pad.

  7. the entire thing was done via esp 

    what are you doing here agent?

    im trying to get a followup on my immunization shot.

    you know very well that that will kill you.

    i dont know anything.

    agent, when you volunteered for the agency you agreed not to visit any physicians except for ours.

    so.

    so what are you doing here?

    these people arent doctors, its just a hep injection.

    sir, this is a free clinic. there are doctors everywhere. further, you have allowed them to inject something into you AT A STREET FAIR that you knew would react poorly with the chemicals that are in your bloodstream.

    i dont know anything.

    she took my blood pressure, drew a blood sample and had me pee in a cup. i stared at a scale for 10 minutes and spaced out. the only thing id been doing other than being on full on rage mode all week.

    agent your blood pressure is high your blood says your stoned RIGHT NOW and your urine is almost completely clear. have you eaten anything at all for the last day?

    nothing stays down.

    because you know you shouldnt have poisoned yourself.

    so its ok that you people poison me all the time, but i cant–

    you turned your body over to us when you volunteered. we all did.

    which couldnt have been a more ironic statement at the time since she was a curvy thirtysomething dark haired beauty and i was feeling as hot as gollum. bald and green and wheezing. if the xbi really wanted my body they were getting ripped off.

    they are getting ripped off she esped.

    no i wasnt trying to kill myself.

    well according to these records you wouldnt have seen the weekend if we hadnt intervened.

    he reverse esped her to see if he could.

    let me show you my bra.

    nothing in there is true.

    stop trying to do whatever youre doing. stop trying to be in control. control is an illusion. this path isnt yours because your path is a finale and there is a long way left for you to do for us so knock it off.

    and she injected the venom and it felt cold after a minute and then warm and then shocking.

    stop trying to

    stop trying

    and i saw a flower bloom right in front of me and then die.

  8. Wednesday, September 26, 2007

    bob dylan has a new greatest hits coming out 

    cbs/sony writes me even though we dont write about their stuff usually.
    but they understand.
    but when you tell me anything about bob dylan im gonna be interested.
    so the guy sent me to this online video jukebox
    thats been playing all morning on my laptop.
    its just one great song after another.
    however when it got to my favorite dylan tune and video jokerman
    i had to play it again, light up, and sit back and watch.
    1983. 23 years after debuting.
    if springsteen was supposed to be the new dylan then the boss should be
    doing this sorta thing now.
    which hes snot.
    cuz theres only one dylan.
    which is why the lord is keeping him here.

  9. got a phone call this evening from the health department 

    seems i had forgotten to take my second Hep immunization. i was scheduled to take my second shot 12 days ago.

    lady: dear you Must come in
    me: can it wait, im sorta sick

    lady: Sick? What symptoms do you have?
    me: hourly vomiting, ive lost tons of weight, runny nose

    lady: are you having emotional moodswings?
    me: other than my week-long rage of anger?
    lady: anger? did you become violent?
    me: my job allows me to be violent, so no more so than normal. but i was so angry for a little while that my eyes began to hurt.

    lady: did you feel suicidal?
    me: no.
    lady: no?
    me: you cant go to heaven if you kill yrself.
    lady: but you found yourself in fits of anger for no reason, you were violent, and you experienced flu like symptoms yet you werent extremely depressed?
    me: oh yeah, but im a cub fan, im used to that.

    lady: you have to come in right away and be examined. you should have been notified. you could get very ill if you dont see a doctor and either get a second immunization as you were scheduled to, or receive treatment for the side-effects.

    me: k

    lady: im curious, what have your dreams been like this week?

    me: no dreams. i dont dream.

    lady: everyone dreams.

    me: im a cub fan. we only have one dream. no need to show reruns when we’re asleep.