i start the day with a dash to the bathroom to vomit

then i try to remember where i put the bong and eventually make it to the front door.

i open it to greet the california sun and to see what sorta mail found my little home.

usually theres a nice load of dog crap piled in the exact center of my porch and some little flies trying to get what the big flies seem to want.

its so awesome.

i take a look at the plants. one of my plants is actually chris’ – a few are actually – but one of em has a pot that doesnt have any drain holes so i make sure its not drowning. then i make sure some of the other plants arent getting eaten by snails. then i see that the spider plant isnt getting too much sun and that the ivy is getting watered enough.

that covers all of the sun i will get.

rice krispies are eaten out of the box. a bottle of water is opened. a bong is nearly tripped over aka discovered so then its time to find the weed. the answering machine might be blinking the cell phone might be chirping, the alarm clock might go off, but what sort of isla vistan would i be without the ceremonial wake and bake.

and then i piss, shake, brush my teeth and see if someones still in my house.

usually they’ll sneak out in the middle of the night. sometimes when i open the front door they’ll run out the back. those are the girls i like. those are the ones who i can relate to.

the ones who stay, however, and feel around for a robe or ask if theres a clean towel or gasp coffee, seem to be the ones ive attracted recently.

as in currently.

coffee is for swallowers i tell her

and she looks me right in the eyes

raccoon slept in eyeliner circling bloodshot blue

so pale so fun so young

and opens her mouth wider than she knows she needs to.

and over coffee we watch tv and see that theres a

cash free monopoly

and strangely thats the thing that blows my mind before noon.

60 Minutes reports on Medical Marijuana in Cali

some of our more hysterical readers at LAist occasionally give us shit for reviewing the medical marijuana that has flooded LA. so it was nice to see that the world’s most respected tv news magazine has followed our lead and begun sticking their nose into the phenomenon that is happening here.

another trend that isn’t so mellow is the road rage being taken out on bicyclists which are being supported, it appears, by both the LAPD and the Beverly Hills Cops. there used to be a time when it was safe to ride your bicycle. and there was a time when people admired others for conserving fossil fuels.

those days seem to be gone.

however since this story was one of the most popular on Digg today, im starting to think that the kids know whats up, and will continue to fight the good fight.