nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, October 24, 2007
  2. Tuesday, October 23, 2007

    talk about a missed connection 

    karisas friend saw this yesterday

    Black Xterra on Robertson – m4w – 33

    Date: 2007-10-21, 7:32PM PDT

    To the beautiful Blonde girl who made my commute brighter. I love your ‘stars’. Hope to see you again.

    * Location: Los Angeles
    * it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

    bro clearly is reading the wrong blogs.

  3. Monday, October 22, 2007

    i saw the go team two nights in a row 

    sunday at the echoplex, and monday at amoeba

    and i swear a right before the end of the last song at amoeba the cute lead singer says we’re here in LA for a day with nothing to do so if someone knows of something fun to do here meet us afterwards.

    but i skateboarded home without even getting my cd signed.

  4. from: lowercasecarmen, montreal canada 

    to: tp
    date: october 22, 2007

    subject: happy birthday tony


    I wrote you this post because it’s your birthday and because it’s been way too long since I last wrote one. Post it on your blog if you’d like, it’s for you.



    p.s I included a picture of me on parliment hill in Ottawa (Canada’s capital city) trying to look cool.

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    A Very Happy Birthday To Mr. Tony Pierce

    In the summer of 2005 I was working a very shitty job in Vanouver, BC. I would wake up each morning, make an inane commute on the public transit system I so despised, and arrive at the Italian deli for which I harbored an even more motivating contempt. I would tie on my red apron, a symbol of my incarceration, and spend my days explaining the difference between plain fettucini and herb fettucini to collagen-lipped trophy wives so dense beyond comprehension. My huge, sweaty Italian boss would crack sexual innuendo jokes that fueled my contemplations of how one might kill themself with an industrial grade meat slicer. I can remember the day when I was asked by my boss’s wife to clean out the microwave, the microwave reserved only for the bosses, and as I peered into its tomato-splattered interior I thought quietly about serial murder. It got to the point where I could guess exactly 100 grams of bocconcini cheese, or $2.50 worth of proscuitto, and yet these are not the kinds of things you would ever hope to excel in. Estimating the price and weight of gourmet Italian groceries will never make you a happy person.

    I can’t really tell you what got me through the majority of those shifts. Sometimes I figured I had simply melted into the floor and taken my place among the dirt and dried, discarded pasta shapes. At other points I was sure that my soul had floated off to somewhere else, anywhere else. And yet, after each ten hour shift of forced sincerity I would somehow still be standing behind the meat counter, beside the pasta shelf, and in front of all those God-awful customers. I can remember one man telling me that he felt as though “my smile wasn’t genuine”. I wanted to give him a round of applause and a nice big gold star. “My sir, you’re fucking perceptive,” I thought.

    I transport myself back to those memories, to that counter, and I can remember the day my heart stopped at work. I was serving a woman with a purse-dog some kind of cheese that was never going to be low-fat enough for her specifications when I saw a bald head. I jerked my glance up immediately and stopped what I was doing. I didn’t care that the customer was becoming impatient because I was almost certain that I had just seen the infamous Tony Pierce. I straightened up, studied the man from afar as my heart raced and my breathing completely ceased only to realize moments later that he was nobody. I bent my head back down in disappointment, put a block of feta in a container, and continued in my submission.

    I wanted that stranger with a shaved head to be Tony Pierce because Tony Pierce would’ve gotten me out of that heinous deli. He would’ve walked up to my fat Italian boss and said “Do you know who I am?” He would’ve taken my hand and helped my over that counter and we would’ve walked out of there without looking back.

    I later faked insanity to quit that job. I also later met Tony Pierce and he was exactly what I’d hoped for all those years ago, standing beside the smoked gouda tortellini staring off into freedom.

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    to everyone who has sent me nice emails and comments and posts and nudes and facebook wall things and phone calls and to everyone who celebrated with me yesterday a day early and to especially whoever sent the Go Team to play at echo park last night and hollywood tonight thank you! i appreciate it so much!!

  5. Sunday, October 21, 2007

    libra scorpio cusp 

    October 22, 1990 Jonathan Lipnicki, actor, Jerry McGuirre
    October 22, 1985 Zac Hanson, Hanson – MMMM Bop
    October 22, 1981 Michael Fishman, actor, DJ – Roseanne
    October 22, 1974 Layla Harvest Roberts, Miss October ’97
    October 22, 1974 Miroslav Satan, Buffalo Sabres
    October 22, 1973 Ichiro Suzuki, OF, Seattle Mariners
    October 22, 1972 Scott Lachance, NY Islanders
    October 22, 1972 Victoria Lagerstrom, Miss Sweden ’97
    October 22, 1971 Anthony “Pig” Miller, LA Lakers
    October 22, 1970 Spike Jonze, director “Sabatoge”
    October 22, 1968 Shelby Lynne, country singer
    October 22, 1966 Valeria Golino, actress, Rain Man
    October 22, 1965 Marvin Washington, NY Jets, SF 49ers
    October 22, 1965 Otis Smith, NY Jets
    October 22, 1963 Brian Boitano, gold medal figure skater
    October 22, 1963 Cherie Witter, playmate, 2/85
    October 22, 1961 Barbara Potter, tennis player, changed shirt on Wimbledon Court
    October 22, 1961 Leonard Marshall, NY Giants, Jets
    October 22, 1958 Bobby Blotzner, rock drummer, Ratt
    October 22, 1952 Jeff Goldblum, actor, Fly, Jurassic Park
    October 22, 1952 Patti Davis, daughter of Nancy Reagan
    October 22, 1946 Eddie Brigati, singer, The Rascals
    October 22, 1946 Richard Loncraine, director, Deep Cover, Bellman and True
    October 22, 1945 Leslie West, [Weinstein] rocker, Mountain – Mississippi Queen
    October 22, 1943 Catherine Deneuve, actress
    October 22, 1942 Annette Funicello, Mickey Mouse Club
    October 22, 1939 Joaquim Chissano, president of Mozambique, 1986-
    October 22, 1939 Tony Roberts, actor, Annie Hall
    October 22, 1938 Christopher Lloyd, actor, Taxi, Back to the Future
    October 22, 1936 Bobby Seale, American Activist
    October 22, 1927 Ray Stern, mother of radio personality Howard Stern
    October 22, 1920 Timothy Leary, Harvard prof, LSD taker
    October 22, 1917 Joan Fontaine, Tokyo, Japan, actress, Gunga Din, Ivanhoe, Rebecca
    October 22, 1913 Bo Dai, last emporer of Vietnam
    October 22, 1913 Patricia “Boots” Mallory, U.S. dancer/actress, Handle With Care
    October 22, 1908 Tony Pierce, Dumbass, Blogger – busblog, LAist
    October 22, 1907 Henriette Wyeth, 1st lady of american art
    October 22, 1907 Jimmy Foxx, baseball HR hitter, 534, Detroit Tigers
    October 22, 1896 Charles Glenn King, biochemist, discovered vitamin C
    October 22, 1845 Sarah Bernhardt, born in France, actress, Camille, Queen Elizabeth
    October 22, 1811 Franz Liszt, Hungary, romantic composer/virtuoso pianist
    October 22, 1689 Joao V, Rei Fidelissimo, king of Portugal, 1706-50
    October 22, 1686 Georg Balthasar Schott, composer

  6. Wednesday, October 17, 2007
  7. Sunday, October 14, 2007

    kristin pony says hi 

    ponyshes studying to be my lawyer

    dumbass me: madpony kristin girl you rule and your fans miss you.

    madpony: i do not!
    and they do not
    lets change the subject

    dumbass me: ahah ok
    dumbass me: what was the name of OU’s running back last year?

    madpony: adrian peterson

    dumbass me: he beat my bears today

    madpony: oh i’m sorry :(
    yeah he’s amazing though

    dumbass me: why didnt you marry him?

    madpony: i don’t think i’m his type

    dumbass me: see what your racism does to you?

    madpony: also i never met him
    haha whatever

    dumbas me: ok , get back to studying college girl.
    but first, would you like to say a few words to your fans?

    madpony: dear fans, sorry i suck too much to blog anymore. miss you bunches. love, k pony.

  8. Saturday, October 13, 2007
  9. Friday, October 12, 2007

    xTx wrote about touching herself yesterday 

    but the best thing she wrote this week was this

    October 06, 2007
    The Only Witness

    I drove past the spot where i used to meet him during my lunch hour.

    well, the place is gone now, but that’s where it used to be.

    i drive past and next to me is the man who never knew i met a man during my lunch hour. it makes me feel bad. guilty.


    i remember the parking space between our cars. it had an oil spot that was shaped like a koala bear.

    that’s gone now too.

    the only witness.

    posted by xtx at 10:14 PM

    oh to be a fly in that oil spot.