talk about a missed connection

karisas friend saw this yesterday

Black Xterra on Robertson – m4w – 33

Date: 2007-10-21, 7:32PM PDT

To the beautiful Blonde girl who made my commute brighter. I love your ‘stars’. Hope to see you again.

* Location: Los Angeles
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

bro clearly is reading the wrong blogs.

from: lowercasecarmen, montreal canada

to: tp
date: october 22, 2007

subject: happy birthday tony

Tony,

I wrote you this post because it’s your birthday and because it’s been way too long since I last wrote one. Post it on your blog if you’d like, it’s for you.

xo

Carmen

p.s I included a picture of me on parliment hill in Ottawa (Canada’s capital city) trying to look cool.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Very Happy Birthday To Mr. Tony Pierce

In the summer of 2005 I was working a very shitty job in Vanouver, BC. I would wake up each morning, make an inane commute on the public transit system I so despised, and arrive at the Italian deli for which I harbored an even more motivating contempt. I would tie on my red apron, a symbol of my incarceration, and spend my days explaining the difference between plain fettucini and herb fettucini to collagen-lipped trophy wives so dense beyond comprehension. My huge, sweaty Italian boss would crack sexual innuendo jokes that fueled my contemplations of how one might kill themself with an industrial grade meat slicer. I can remember the day when I was asked by my boss’s wife to clean out the microwave, the microwave reserved only for the bosses, and as I peered into its tomato-splattered interior I thought quietly about serial murder. It got to the point where I could guess exactly 100 grams of bocconcini cheese, or $2.50 worth of proscuitto, and yet these are not the kinds of things you would ever hope to excel in. Estimating the price and weight of gourmet Italian groceries will never make you a happy person.

I can’t really tell you what got me through the majority of those shifts. Sometimes I figured I had simply melted into the floor and taken my place among the dirt and dried, discarded pasta shapes. At other points I was sure that my soul had floated off to somewhere else, anywhere else. And yet, after each ten hour shift of forced sincerity I would somehow still be standing behind the meat counter, beside the pasta shelf, and in front of all those God-awful customers. I can remember one man telling me that he felt as though “my smile wasn’t genuine”. I wanted to give him a round of applause and a nice big gold star. “My sir, you’re fucking perceptive,” I thought.

I transport myself back to those memories, to that counter, and I can remember the day my heart stopped at work. I was serving a woman with a purse-dog some kind of cheese that was never going to be low-fat enough for her specifications when I saw a bald head. I jerked my glance up immediately and stopped what I was doing. I didn’t care that the customer was becoming impatient because I was almost certain that I had just seen the infamous Tony Pierce. I straightened up, studied the man from afar as my heart raced and my breathing completely ceased only to realize moments later that he was nobody. I bent my head back down in disappointment, put a block of feta in a container, and continued in my submission.

I wanted that stranger with a shaved head to be Tony Pierce because Tony Pierce would’ve gotten me out of that heinous deli. He would’ve walked up to my fat Italian boss and said “Do you know who I am?” He would’ve taken my hand and helped my over that counter and we would’ve walked out of there without looking back.

I later faked insanity to quit that job. I also later met Tony Pierce and he was exactly what I’d hoped for all those years ago, standing beside the smoked gouda tortellini staring off into freedom.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

to everyone who has sent me nice emails and comments and posts and nudes and facebook wall things and phone calls and to everyone who celebrated with me yesterday a day early and to especially whoever sent the Go Team to play at echo park last night and hollywood tonight thank you! i appreciate it so much!!

libra scorpio cusp

October 22, 1990 Jonathan Lipnicki, actor, Jerry McGuirre
October 22, 1985 Zac Hanson, Hanson – MMMM Bop
October 22, 1981 Michael Fishman, actor, DJ – Roseanne
October 22, 1974 Layla Harvest Roberts, Miss October ’97
October 22, 1974 Miroslav Satan, Buffalo Sabres
October 22, 1973 Ichiro Suzuki, OF, Seattle Mariners
October 22, 1972 Scott Lachance, NY Islanders
October 22, 1972 Victoria Lagerstrom, Miss Sweden ’97
October 22, 1971 Anthony “Pig” Miller, LA Lakers
October 22, 1970 Spike Jonze, director “Sabatoge”
October 22, 1968 Shelby Lynne, country singer
October 22, 1966 Valeria Golino, actress, Rain Man
October 22, 1965 Marvin Washington, NY Jets, SF 49ers
October 22, 1965 Otis Smith, NY Jets
October 22, 1963 Brian Boitano, gold medal figure skater
October 22, 1963 Cherie Witter, playmate, 2/85
October 22, 1961 Barbara Potter, tennis player, changed shirt on Wimbledon Court
October 22, 1961 Leonard Marshall, NY Giants, Jets
October 22, 1958 Bobby Blotzner, rock drummer, Ratt
October 22, 1952 Jeff Goldblum, actor, Fly, Jurassic Park
October 22, 1952 Patti Davis, daughter of Nancy Reagan
October 22, 1946 Eddie Brigati, singer, The Rascals
October 22, 1946 Richard Loncraine, director, Deep Cover, Bellman and True
October 22, 1945 Leslie West, [Weinstein] rocker, Mountain – Mississippi Queen
October 22, 1943 Catherine Deneuve, actress
October 22, 1942 Annette Funicello, Mickey Mouse Club
October 22, 1939 Joaquim Chissano, president of Mozambique, 1986-
October 22, 1939 Tony Roberts, actor, Annie Hall
October 22, 1938 Christopher Lloyd, actor, Taxi, Back to the Future
October 22, 1936 Bobby Seale, American Activist
October 22, 1927 Ray Stern, mother of radio personality Howard Stern
October 22, 1920 Timothy Leary, Harvard prof, LSD taker
October 22, 1917 Joan Fontaine, Tokyo, Japan, actress, Gunga Din, Ivanhoe, Rebecca
October 22, 1913 Bo Dai, last emporer of Vietnam
October 22, 1913 Patricia “Boots” Mallory, U.S. dancer/actress, Handle With Care
October 22, 1908 Tony Pierce, Dumbass, Blogger – busblog, LAist
October 22, 1907 Henriette Wyeth, 1st lady of american art
October 22, 1907 Jimmy Foxx, baseball HR hitter, 534, Detroit Tigers
October 22, 1896 Charles Glenn King, biochemist, discovered vitamin C
October 22, 1845 Sarah Bernhardt, born in France, actress, Camille, Queen Elizabeth
October 22, 1811 Franz Liszt, Hungary, romantic composer/virtuoso pianist
October 22, 1689 Joao V, Rei Fidelissimo, king of Portugal, 1706-50
October 22, 1686 Georg Balthasar Schott, composer

kristin pony says hi

ponyshes studying to be my lawyer

dumbass me: madpony kristin girl you rule and your fans miss you.

madpony: i do not!
and they do not
lets change the subject

dumbass me: ahah ok
dumbass me: what was the name of OU’s running back last year?

madpony: adrian peterson
bad
ass

dumbass me: he beat my bears today
singlehandedly

madpony: oh i’m sorry :(
yeah he’s amazing though

dumbass me: why didnt you marry him?

madpony: i don’t think i’m his type

dumbass me: see what your racism does to you?

madpony: also i never met him
haha whatever

dumbas me: ok , get back to studying college girl.
but first, would you like to say a few words to your fans?

madpony: dear fans, sorry i suck too much to blog anymore. miss you bunches. love, k pony.

xTx wrote about touching herself yesterday

but the best thing she wrote this week was this

October 06, 2007
The Only Witness

I drove past the spot where i used to meet him during my lunch hour.

well, the place is gone now, but that’s where it used to be.

i drive past and next to me is the man who never knew i met a man during my lunch hour. it makes me feel bad. guilty.

stupid.

i remember the parking space between our cars. it had an oil spot that was shaped like a koala bear.

that’s gone now too.

the only witness.

posted by xtx at 10:14 PM

oh to be a fly in that oil spot.