my mom says im not being fair to the worlds busiest airport

because she saw me take pics of the beautiful snowfall as we were driving

indeed here is her email

Hi Tony. Why don’t you put up some of those beautiful pictures of the snow you took on the way to the airport?? Then people will see that it really did snow!!!! Biased reporting if you ask me.

You left your sunglasses here. Look for a cheap pair.


so heres the townhouse development that i grew up in

heres the house i grew up in

heres where used to be a playground that apparently the association could no longer maintain

i invented an odd baseball game involving a neighbors wall. odd because the goal was to bounce the ball over the wall for a “homer”. odd because the neighbor never gave us back our balls.

its good to see the puke green is still being forced on this row of homes

this is where my sister moved to right up the hill from where we grew up, but then bailed

this place only used to sell corvettes, but now SUVs are more in fashion i guess

this is what it looks like near my old highschool

you never dont know what village or township or city youre in – plenty of signage

in the land of obama, i saw zero signs, but many for the congressman from texas

still thats only 1 inch of white stuff. maybe two if yr lucky. and yet my plane is delayed two hours. bah humbug!

ok so that looks bad when you read it.

looks like your boy picked a shitty day to fly out of the worlds busiest airport and up to canada where the lakes are frozen and the ladies are warm.

only problem is, all those flights were canceled cuz of ONE inch of snow.

one inch = “storm”? thats quite an angry inch.

in my day we walked to school up hill both ways barefoot in way more than ONE inch of snow.


without gloves.

we didnt know any gay people but if we saw a kid with gloves we would have called him gay, stolen his gloves, broken a hole in the ice and thrown the gloves in the damn hole.

dont believe me? my mom gave me gloves today cuz i lost the $3 gloves i brought with me, and two kids jumped out of the bushes, beat my ass, called me a queer, and ran off with my mittens to the nearest lake where they would properly get deposited.

sure sometimes when you threw rocks at the lake the lake threw rocks back at you in the way of splitting in half while you were on the lake but that taught you to respect nature.

still we rose from the lake frozen but wiser.

and men.

whoever’s running O’Hare today are clearly terrorists because ONE INCH of snow does not cancel flights, if you ax me. even the gays know this.

how do i know this? because theres a gay guy next to me who just said, “omg this is so gay.” and a lesbian nodded in agreement. i shit you naught. then we all made out cuz we are b-o-r-e-d.

if someone produces some iPod speakers we’re gonna have a damn Soul Train dance line competition cuz everyones loving my Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings mp3s.

because blogging is the finest form of reporting of all time, next to the MSM of course, here is an action shot of what the airport looks like right out side of Terminal 2, gate E1 at THIS VERY MOMENT

tell me that that looks like the type of weather that could/should/would cause 400+ flights to get canceled.

go ahead tell me that.

terrorists win and win and win and win. and if you axe me, i blame the water lobby. fuckers “caught” me trying to smuggle in a nice fresh bottle of water through the xray machines and then 10 feet later they sell me a new bottle of water for $2.75. all these flights were canceled to sell more quarter water for $2.75.

i blame bush.

a very long time ago i was in high school.

when i was in high school there were very few girls who i had the hots for who werent cheerleaders. one of those girls was named laura.

laura played tennis and had a sister who smoked pot and turned me on to led zeppelin and if i remember correctly went with me to the movies and we saw sixteen candles and kissed me afterwards and when my mom saw the look in my eyes after the date thought that i was on drugs.

as you know im 101 years old. so when i arranged for she and i to go out tonight i was terrified that she was 400 lbs. because of course after you have 2 kids and make it to 101 years old youre going to be – healthy.

because illinois is filled with special magic, laura looked almost exactly the same, which is alot like chickie from fast times at ridgemont high.

back in high school i had a terribly huge crush on laura but i knew she was out of my league so after she broke up with her bf right before prom i hooked her up with my buddy jack. they ended up getting married a few years later, when they were both 22. theyd been married the whole time. until recently.

so tonight we talked about life, high school, and what had happened in our lives since we last saw each other, some 87 years ago.

needless to say we shut down the fancy restaurant that we dined in, and the TGIF where we had tall Stellas, shots of Bailey’s, and a ice cream topped brownie.

we probably could have talked all night because very few people today knew who i was way back then. but laura did. and its so odd that the same girl who was all, dude heres led zep 1 and 2 is now an elementary school librarian. and just as hot.

but the best is that that spark from the night we saw sixteen candles was still there and everything that i liked about her then still remained. and then some.

and if i come back to chicago before she gets married again, i hope she will go to a cubs game with me, like she promised tonight. and then a lil game of stopwatch.

ps tomorrow at 11:30am i will be having lunch with my bro Bobby D at the Harry Caray’s by O’Hare. if i havent seen you yet and you wanna knock back a few Old Styles with me, come and look around. but i cant be there too long cuz i hafta catch a plane before the snow comes down. but come!