my niece and nephew are beautiful

and smart, and lovely

but because theyre children theyre also insane.

when i was younger i wanted 10-12 kids. now im very happy that i have zero.

the animals in my sisters house are also insane.

once upon a time i wanted a farm full of animals. now im very glad that i dont even have a goldfish.

youd never know that with the little movies that i produce with my little family members, but it’s true.

today i told my niece that in some cultures they throw the little children off a cliff. but in my case, if i had to live with kids and animals that i would jump off a cliff. we went into great detail about what a cliff was because, after all, this is illinios, and theres not a wide variety of terrain here.

before she skipped up the stairs to her bed she said, have fun on the cliff uncle tony!

here is video of me and my 3 year old nephew who isnt the biggest boy, but he sure knows how to use a computer and really hates to share, especially when it comes to Elf Bowling, the most kid unfriendly game ive ever seen. thus loved by he and my niece.

hi Christmas Eve

funny that you and i would meet each other here at LAX.

funny no one text messages you when yr plane gets canceled.

all the technology in the world and yet after you valey your hooptie at the Wally Park and give the van driver an extra fiver to floor it, you get greeted by the automatic ticket machine that says hi your shit is totally canceled! why couldnt my iphone be the one who told me?

so my plane was canceled and the machine said hi heres another plane in two hours. no biggie. but then it said hi heres a middle seat. which was a biggie cuz im flying to chicago. then it said hi if you want six more inches its $44 and you can have a window seat.

now ask a man if he can have an extra six inches and we will say hell to the yes regardless of the price. but im a principled man. they had just canceled me shit and were gonna charge me $44 for the convenience?

so i told the dude behind the deal wtf and he said, be happy they coulda put you on the midnight flight.

no smile, no concern, no nice united style.

so i said fine, heres my money

but then the computer said hi we’re sold out. enjoy the middle seat sucker.

as i waited at the gate i walked all the way to the international gate and asked the bro if he could help a brotha out on christmas eve

he said how about a window seat in the exit row?

and tick tock the Christmas Miracles dont stop.

pictured, a paris hilton wanna be lady who was not at all pleased with anything.

ps Christie has been an angel on gchat. and raymi put a black penis on her penis tree to represent the busblog. and look my flights boarding. laters!

the best Christmas gift i coulda gotten,

i just received today

because im the cheapest of all cheapskates, years ago i ordered a “lot” of sunglasses off ebay. i had gotten lucky off a “bukowski lot” where i got like 9 books for $50. something ridiculous.

so i tried my luck at lighters, condoms, and disposable toilet scrubbers. no problems.

then i went for it with sunglasses.

i got this big box of sunglasses, most of which were freakin kids glasses. it was so lame. the box stayed in my kitchen for years. literally years.

until i talked to the best girl everz, ms chris de la uganda. the problem with sending any of her kids presents is its just like The Gods Must Be Crazy – no one can share properly so you have to find something that all 50 kids can have.

lo, there were 60 kids sunglasses in this box so i tossed them into a bigger box and hid some stuff for Chris (chocolate, batteries, memory cards) and sent them over. i think that was a year ago. today i got this letter from someone i never heard of from uganda telling me about the glasses. and she gave me several pics!

read the letter here and here. it seriously made me verklempt.

yay Christmas Miracles!

raymi is so excited that the busblog is rollin up to canada,

that shes determined to get me kicked out of my swanky hotel room. ah what the heck… only live once, eh

but the best is the comments in her post. particularily from raymster’s mom, who seriously wants to crash the bash

voici les comments:

Christie | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 1:47 pm | #

so exciting…
Duane Storey | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 1:58 pm | #

dude youre going to get spam posting addys like that.

Merry christmas!
Canopenner | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:24 pm | #

That would make for a really long cab ride for me.
Butchie | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:28 pm | #

oh canopenner you’re such a cliche.
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:31 pm | #

That is a really good idea…cabs are what bugs me most about NYE.
Binsk | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:33 pm | #

so are you saying i’m not allowed to wear tinsel if i come?
monkey | 12.22.07 – 2:41 pm | #

totally wear tinsel!
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:48 pm | #

heh heh, now THAT’S a sewing project challenge!
monkey | 12.22.07 – 2:51 pm | #

can’t way too poor and hitchhiking is not an option. i will try to come in to see yer artshow tho.
Krista | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 3:58 pm | #

I plan on wearing an outfit that will surely wind up soaked in martinis.

Because I spill everything.

That’s where I was going with that…
Christie | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 4:12 pm | #

May I come with my tinsel covered Cougars? Paramedic is already working in TO that night and Mermaid is coming down with her skates…
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 4:38 pm | #

I’m wearing bells.

Only bells.
Duane Storey | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 4:49 pm | #

If I would have seen this 24 hours ago I would have said yes but now I’m going to Chicago to get wasted in a city where no body knows my name and where I can throw up in one of the grand historic hotels of America.
sheena | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 5:01 pm | #

no mom
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 5:06 pm | #

feel free to bring the party to dundas shouldst thu desire a change of location…
a | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 7:33 pm | #

thou not thu
a | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 7:33 pm | #

raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 7:35 pm | #

herro thar
a | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 7:54 am | #

go look at Chrystals party post and you will see who the cougars are.
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 2:31 pm | #

So can we come?
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 3:20 pm | #

raymi | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 3:25 pm | #

what could possibly go wrong?
Pitt | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 6:02 pm | #

have a highly entertaining yule”tide”
and a superior 2008!

i’m doing f-all for nye as I’m too old but i hope you 2 have a good ‘un
Gledwood | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 8:29 pm | #

actually if i was in toronto i would make an exception and go to ur nite but where i live if we want to stay out late we have to register our request with the warden and sign a disclaimer saying the Home shall not be responsible if we fall off our zimmer frames etc etc i do feel about 90 yrs old today it is so FREEZIN COLD here hmmm…
Gledwood | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 8:37 pm | #

What could go wrong is that the cougars will show up!!!!
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 10:27 pm | #

raymi | Homepage | 12.24.07 – 10:58 am | #

which lead to this email that greeted me this morn:

from: raymi lauren
to: dumbass, inc.

subject: if

if you give my mom the address and room number of this hotel party i will murder you then leave the party on the spot
i mean it

today ron paul was grilled harder than i ever saw him grilled

maybe its because Tim Russert is in bed with the neocons and hates everything RP stands for: limited federal government, no more policing the world, etc…

Russert got Congressman Paul against the ropes pretty hard in pt two (above) during the conversation regarding earmarks, which was sorta interesting because i dont recall him ever being taken to task on that one. RP’s defense was ok, but not great

In part three Mr. Paul comes back stonger hitting all cylinders on his strongest points and Russert is outted for pretending he doesn’t understand the basic aspects of the Constitution: namely that its ok to amend it as long as you do it via the process that was intended

Then in the conclusion Dr. Paul coasts home with some very basic answers that shouldnt surprise anyone. But again Russert seems amazed that anyone would think that Ronald Reagan wasn’t God.

Basically this is the reason lots of people try to keep RP off tv, if you ask me, because he’s so good at explaining his beliefs. It’s so easy to simply write him off by saying, “he wants to get rid of Public Schools, The CIA, Income Tax. He wants to legalize drugs and he hates Ronald Reagan. Clearly he’s insane.” Which if presented that way, he does look insane. But when you listen to him explain how those (mis)quotes got there, you remember, oh yeah I sorta believe all of those reasons too.

I haven’t given any money to any politician this year. And now that I’m a journalist, or at least a member of the press, I’m being told that it would probably be in my best interst, not to even vote(!), but I gotta say, this crazy old fucker does make a lot of sense to me. And he never bores me. And I believe him.

That’s a lot more than I can say for anyone in the Republican party for the exception of Huckabee. But Huckabee worries me because he doesn’t seem like he knows hardly anything important other than Scripture. And the last I checked, we’re not about to vote for Pope next year.

congratulations LAist!

one of my goals while running the coolest metro blog west of Manhattan was to get us into the Technorati Top 1000. then the goal was go get into the Top 750. for so long we were hovering around 690 and my goal was go get us in the Top 666. then i wanted to try to get it into the top 600.

when i left i think we were at 620 with a bullet. today, while waiting for my doorbell to ring i saw something that made me oh so happy. no not the long legs of tonights date, but the best number ive ever seen ever next to LAist ever. 584, bitches.

who knew that the missing link to success for that site was to get me out of the way? but the scoreboard doesnt lie and the kids have been working their tails off during the time that ive been away and so i congratulate them.

584 means that out of 100 million blogs there are only 583 other blogs that are more popular than LAist. quite a feat.

kudos to Zach, Lindsay and the LAist crew!

i love everything.

i cant believe life can be this good. people at work treat me with so much respect. yesterday i spent most of the day on the news floor. the real news. like the city desk and the foreign and national desks. no offense to the others but the busblog has always kept it real.

and whats funny is a few people here and there were all, tony if theres one place thats gonna give you the stink eye its them. but im here to report that every floor at the paper has been just as sweet and kind and open and willing as the next.

every department knows how important adjusting with the everchanging way news is delivered is vital to their future – and present. i spent hours with the city editor talking about his key superstars and his short term and long term plans. we talked about things that his writers want, things that i want, and things that he wants. i got to meet mr steve lopez who is one of my heroes and we talked about some very interesting and very forward-thinking ideas.

i talked to mr charles ornstein, the young man on the health beat who was part of the team that won the Pulitzer a few years back.

and then i got to meet and talk with ms. jill leovy the woman and brains behind the amazing (and grossly overlooked) Homicide Report. a very sensitive blog (that i probably shouldnt call a blog – cuz they dont) where one reporter tries to document every single homicide in LA.

we talked about the odd differences that the coroners office determines is the difference between a homicide and not-a-homicide. for example, when the old man plowed through the farmers market in santa monica a few years back thats not a homicide because the car was accidentally a weapon (i think that was the explaination), however if a gangmember uses a car to do the same thing it is a homicide because it was super intentional. dont quote me on that, but it was fascinating to talk with her because she looks so unassuming in her jeans but she speaks so clearly and professionally with beautiful use of big words mixed with cop words (we were on a 2-11…) plus she knows different types of spanish.

shes the sort of pro that i wanted to work with. and the place is full of people like her from bottom to top.

after i sat with the foreign desk as we went through the babylon blog. one reporter is at the hajj or on the hajj – dont quiz me. embedded basically with all these muslim pilgrims reporting from freakin Mecca! uploading pics (right) and vids as it happens! i had problems getting a signal from Coachella to show people that i was drinking with Lady Sovereign and bro is in deeeeep from Mecca busting with posts day after day after day.

tell me thats not the perfect mix of blogging and journalism!

so where do i come in? look at the comments on these amazing posts from the Mid East – zip. so either no one knows it’s there, or people are so amazed theyre speechless. either way, your boy is about to spread the good news to the right people. watch me work.

thursday night i spent all night (6p-9pm) meeting every single Sports copy editor, both of their main editors, and several of their design people. a friend of matt good’s of all people, knows one of their copyeditors and he told them that i was coming. and they invited me to watch some football with them. so i went down there and was so warmly welcomed it was as if i was the kegmaster or something. but seriously these are people who have worked at the paper for 15-20 years who know it all. who are natives. who love their paper. who know so well whats missing on every level. and who want to do a group blog like no other group blog i could have ever created even in my fertile imagination. and they all wanted it. and their bosses were all, do your thing freak.

so watch. and be amazed. cuz its gonna go down and dont give me the credit because all i did was say, um hell yes. infact i want to go to Paseo Nuevo and see if Stampa Barbara is still there cuz i need them to make me a rubber stamp that says HELL YES because i have heard so many great great great smart ideas that i cant believe people are waiting on my approval because i wanna wear out that stamp.

plus my assistant is brilliant, and a vegan, and last night we stayed late as she slowly convinced me to go vegan. which i might do – during work hours – just to see if i can do it. shes the best best best as well. if you only knew the level of support i am getting. and all of this is just scratching the surface. and yes i wore a suit yesterday. minus the tie. and i didnt mind because we have serious business to take care of and lots of it is in my hands and they trust me and im honored and i cant wait to show you the results but it is a huge corporation (which im co-owner of now, oddly, thanks zell) so things happen slowly, however some of the things might start during our CES coverage, which i was involved in a cool meeting regarding yesterday which was also eye opening and wonderful. why? because, again, it was smart people saying smart things, quickly, as a team, in a way that youd want a smart team to work.

not at all like what most corporations work like. why is the times different? because its a newspaper who have done it before. staffed by veterans. pros. mixed with some youngins and eager beavers, all who want the exact same thing – excellence. world class excellence.

i didnt eat or pee all day yesterday until 10pm cuz i had no time for those trifles.

i’ll work out those details later. until then, at the top of this post is a pic of my truest in Afrique. and this afternoon i dine with Karisa as we do some last minute Christmas shopping. then Christmas eve i fly to hangover park. then new years eve eve i jet to the GTA to party with pitt, raymi, duane, fil, christie (who provided that sweetass manger pic above) and all my canadian friends, then i get back home after that snowball fight of love

and the rock gets into second gear. so fasten your seatbelts america. this fuckers fixin to get floored.

the dream continues

so far ive worked at my new job for several days now.
everyone ive met have been really smart AND really nice.

today after work me and this dude met with my former news editor and these two babes at seven grand and we drank and it was beautiful.

its hard to believe that i have been in jobs where people totally disrespected be when here at this totally powerful place filled with damn geniuses they treat me like not just an equal but as an omg person.

so i guess my advice is, if people are dissing you at your workplace get out as fast as you can because there is a place for you somewhere else, and they might even give you an office and let you come in after 10am and not even blink.

they might even give you pizza and salad during a lunch meeting. and candy.

today i even wore sneakers and noone said shit.

at the seven grand a girl in a plaid skirt asked me what i wanted to drink and i said a beer and she said what kind i said stella she said how about a blahblah and i said baby anything you want me to drink i will drink looking like that and she said ha

and on our walk back to the office only 5 different homeless people asked me for spare change.

congrats LAist for breaking a million pageviews in just 19 days. i heart you all!