if you have ever had the chance to meet, or hear, or see victoria williams,

you will love her

victoria williams
“you r loved”

Man takes his cane to a waterfall
Has a vision
Starts talking baby talk
Understood by a girl in Peru
We read about it in the daily news
Lines of poetry
Revealing mysteries
Still some can’t swim
Jesus walked on the water
He turned the water into wine
He went down to the drunkards
To tell them everything is fine

You R loved
You R loved
You R really loved

I cannot decide
Who should die or live
I do my best to forgive
Falling backwards in the eventide
Listening at the riverside
Lines of poetry…

not all the women ive met were miss universe contestants

but to me they were.

i first met miss spain universe, mar’a jesos ruiz garz-n, in a topless tapas joint in madrid in january 2000.

she didnt know the place was a topless tapas establishment either, but we both took off our shirts and cozied up to the bar.

i was there with two dozen of my closest friends to see rock group tsar.

there being spain, not the topless tapas place.

mar’a asked me if i was americano

i said, si.

she asked me if i liked my tapas

i said, si.

she asked me if i liked her cunt-

then she coughed


and i said


she asked me if i knew more spanish than just yes and no and i said


she asked me what other words i knew.

i said, burrito, taco, guacamole…

she said, we dont have those things here.

i said, si.

so we simply slowdanced to the spanish guitars and i sang her a little song that i made up there on the spot.

i sang

spanish girl
in all the world
i want a spanish girl

she doesnt know
how much i weigh in pounds
she doesnt care
that im 108, 108 years oooooold
oooooh my spanish girl.

she sighed and looked at me with eyes of a girl falling madly in love
as the twinkle lights of the disco ball rained possibilities
and the lines began to form outside the dunkin donuts shop across the pallazo.

she said, i know how much pounds you weigh.

i said, what about the metric system.

she said, yes, but i know.

i said, ah.

she said, si.

and i smiled.

and i tilted my head to the exito

and she said si.

and we vamoosed into the madrid night forgetting our shirts

and not giving a muchas gracias.

happy valentines day, busbloggers

one of the benefits of being a gazillion years old is that you are bound to find yourself in love a few times. because the Lord loves me, i have ended up in love way more times than i deserved. i have been lucky enough to have been in the loving gaze of all types of girls and women, most of whom were way out of my league, in fact all of them were.

because of those amazing experiences, i did my best to write down the miracles that were befalling me so that if it was all a beautiful dream at least i would have practice writing before i woke up.

the only advice that i could offer a young man who finds himself currently single and looking for love… is to stop looking. every single longlasting relationship that i found myself in was the result of events that i had zero control over. i dont believe in luck, but every girlfriend, lover, hookup, fling was the happiest accident of that year. either they simply walked into my life or i into theirs. which doesnt mean that i didnt have to work a little magic once i became attracted, but the original meeting was completely unplanned and natural.

like i said, over the years ive written down stories and tales and yes friends, even poems, about my times with the weaker sex. i did this not to brag or bitch but to try to figure out how i ended up in such a wonderful situation so one day, if i were down on my “luck” i could recreate similar opportunities. but im here to tell you that no matter how many times i tried to plot a map around the mysteries island of Love, the coordinates changed and angels laughed at my folly.

today i will punish you all with some of my favorite stories and rhymes and photo essays that celebrated love, but for now, check out my favorite poem, one i wrote for one tracey degrazia, who i met while on a bus to iowa to check out colleges way back in the day. as you know i chose not to study in the midwest, but here in southern california, however one summer i went back home to illinois and had a fine month and a half with our girl while i was an ice cream man, and wrote a 13 page epic poem about her called The Stamp, which would help me get accepted into the college of creative studies at ucsb.

the stamp was supposed to be a story about a romance between a prince of one country who fell for the princess of a rival nation. because their love was doomed due to the politics of their families, and because they knew that their correspondences would be intercepted and censored, they contrived a signal that would defy the ignorance of their parents. they told each other that as long as the stamp on the envelope was upside-down, it meant that the sender was still in love with the recipient.

the poem was so long that it never got to that part of the story, but sometimes it really is the thought that counts.