1. Wednesday, February 13, 2008

    because im a zillion years old i remember when the SI swimsuit issue actually meant something 

    the irony of sports illustrated for me and for many boys in those days was the subscription was usually a gift from our parents or grandparents. it was ironic because, just like several of the critical letters that appear in followup issues, the swimsuit issue was the most jerkable material in the house.

    puberty is a weird thing for both sexes. its so weird that you dont realize youre going through it until decades later. as much as i love the Internet Age i do worry about the kids. especially the boys who are bombarded with so much pr0n before they even make it to puberty that i wonder what they make of it all.

    seeing Cheryl Teigs in that wet fishnet suit was an image that was so rare and amazing and beautiful and fascinating that as a lad i memorized every millimeter of that photo. same goes for the following issues with christie brinkley.

    i remember getting a swimsuit issue and slowly going from one page to the other as if it was christmas and i wanted to savor each gift.

    with a gazillion internet pages of smut out there today, do the boys even know what savor means these days? do they think that Every woman is just waiting to get naked for them? do they think that theres no limit to the various amounts of poses, situations, and sexual acts that Any woman will find themselves into?

    surely the kids must be confused as hell today. which is why i feel for them.

    oh for the days of a smiling supermodel walking down an exotic beach in a one-piece.

    oh for the days when the mail man would deliver the one magazine that you’d store safely under your bed and carry with you for decades as you moved from your mothers house to the dorm room to your first second third and tenth apartments.

    marisa miller is no slouch but i wonder if she wouldn’t have been the Biggest Thing Ever if she was born 20 years earlier when she would have had far less competition for the swimsuit connoisseur.

    do these models even have posters any more? do outraged librarians even write hilarious letters claiming to cancel SI for the rest of the year due to the swimsuit issue any more?

    do the kids even read magazines like this any more?

    life has passed us by, and with it an innocence lost,

    and a boner popped for all the wrong reasons.