1. Thursday, February 14, 2008

    not all the women ive met were miss universe contestants 

    but to me they were.

    i first met miss spain universe, mar’a jesos ruiz garz-n, in a topless tapas joint in madrid in january 2000.

    she didnt know the place was a topless tapas establishment either, but we both took off our shirts and cozied up to the bar.

    i was there with two dozen of my closest friends to see rock group tsar.

    there being spain, not the topless tapas place.

    mar’a asked me if i was americano

    i said, si.

    she asked me if i liked my tapas

    i said, si.

    she asked me if i liked her cunt-

    then she coughed

    country

    and i said

    si.

    she asked me if i knew more spanish than just yes and no and i said

    si.

    she asked me what other words i knew.

    i said, burrito, taco, guacamole…

    she said, we dont have those things here.

    i said, si.

    so we simply slowdanced to the spanish guitars and i sang her a little song that i made up there on the spot.

    i sang

    spanish girl
    in all the world
    i want a spanish girl

    she doesnt know
    how much i weigh in pounds
    she doesnt care
    that im 108, 108 years oooooold
    oooooh my spanish girl.

    she sighed and looked at me with eyes of a girl falling madly in love
    as the twinkle lights of the disco ball rained possibilities
    and the lines began to form outside the dunkin donuts shop across the pallazo.

    she said, i know how much pounds you weigh.

    i said, what about the metric system.

    she said, yes, but i know.

    i said, ah.

    she said, si.

    and i smiled.

    and i tilted my head to the exito

    and she said si.

    and we vamoosed into the madrid night forgetting our shirts

    and not giving a muchas gracias.