because i was meant to have the weirdest life ever

when i was a boy i got to meet Jesse Owens, who was a friend of my grandmother.

although i believe in making it tough for a torch to get from one end of frisco to another, i dont believe in not going to olympic events out of protest.

i believe in having jesse owens go to nazi germany to win gold right there in front of hitler and his beliefs about the master race.

i believe in going to mexico city and raising the black power salute while they play the star spangled banner

i believe in beating the russians with kids because yes al michaels i believe in miracles

and miracles dont happen unless you play the game.

do i think that george bush should go to china? no, i think he should go to new orleans where people are still living in fema trailers, i think he should go to watts where gang violence is outta control, i think he should go to pakistan and find evil doer number one.

something tells me that those trips would bring more good to america than sitting in some luxury box halfway around the world.

and then i think he should go to iraq until the end of his term since he seems to have put all his chips on that number.

so go there, war president, decider, uniter, and bring back that victory you keep talking about. there will be enough americans in beijing, as there should be.

the other day your bff ashley* posted pics from her bachelorette party

as expected it was fun and vegasy and populated with all her hot friends. and the daisy princess looked happy.

but how do i feel about it? this notion of her getting married?

i feel like the dude in sixteen candles who hears from long duck dong that molly ringwald is getting married.




yes mallied!

i guess im happy for her. she deserves love. everyone does, but shes a sweet girl and probably deserves it more. and if she wants to get married she should, i guess. she never really had any great boyfriends before, and i wasnt even technically her bf, and the dude shes marrying she lived with for a while and they went through ups and downs, so thats good. at least she knows sorta what shes getting into.

i suppose i have a pretty jaded view of marriage. which is weird because almost all of my friends who have gotten married have all seemed to be happy about it, their kids are beautiful and smart and all, but theres something about the whole concept that makes close to zero sense to me.

even at my advanced age, and even though ive seen it all, almost every week an interesting woman crosses my path and my heart usually says thank you tony for not figuring out a way to end all possibilities for her to reach down your pants.

marriage seems good on paper: lover for life, companion who really knows you, partner who has your best interests at heart, sex and dinner served hot each night. but relationships dont happen on paper. they happen in the real world, and in that arena most of the people who arent my friends generally laugh and admit the fact that the sex ends after a few years of marriage.

count me in?

so what you get is someone who knows you real well who you can get fat with together?

oh, and raise kids. because thats so appealing too. the crying, the whining, the day care costs, the shielding away from the molesters, the health care costs, the tudors, the embarrassing things that they say before you can embarrass yourself on your blog – basically the complete loss of your life for a midget who can barely speak english.

obviously there must be something to the marriage, kids, getting fat path because its been going on since eden and millions of people who enter into that world seem to have absolutely nothing but great things to say about it.

was i going to marry ashley when she was 20? uh, no. was she a great girlfriend, absolutely. do i think that her marriage and future are bright? i think that ashley has a great family, great friends, i think shes smart and beautiful, and the world is her oyster. but since shes a vegetarian, i think the world is her grilled cheesed sandwich. so i think that she will continue to go against the grain, like my friends, and make something good out of this failed concept of til death do us part.

and for sure she will make a gorgeous bride.