1. Thursday, April 3, 2008

    my true love is coming back to america in a few months 

    after being in africa for two point five years working for the peace corps. i call her my true love because soul mate is overused.

    the best part about having a true love is you know that somewhere on the planet there is someone who truly connects with you as close to 100% as you could ever imagine. you know that there is meaning to life. you know that youre not alone. you know that you have really been loved for the right reasons by someone who you loved for the right reasons too.

    does that mean that i still am very interested in others, of course. does that mean that shes still interested in exploring the globe, mais oui. does that mean that we might ever be back together again, maybe even in the same hot tub? no. does that make me sad? no. does any of this make any sense? yes and no.

    sometimes when you have found your spiritual and physical counterpart things can get really dull. i know i was dull when we were together at the end. it was almost as if the game was over. usually thats the part when people have kids and make their lives about anything other than their dull dough. and i suppose that makes sense for some. but for me and my love we sorta looked at the planet as something that was already doing ok as far as population goes.

    in fact if theres one thing that this blue green marble has plenty of its eating shitting yapping creatures. dont get me wrong, i love people. i probably love them more than anyone. same for her. i could go all day shitting eating and yapping with all the creatures. but that doesnt mean that i felt any need to create any.

    as i have gotten older that desire has dwindled even further and as much as i would do anything in the world for my truest, including letting her grow on her own, alone if necessary, the only way i could imagine creating a creature with her would be if she convinced me or said it was something that she really wanted. otherwise i would just suggest that we raise an orphan, as there are several gazillion of those sitting around waiting for a miracle to come their way.

    my truest eyes are everything like the sun. her heart is the reason for global warming. and africa is better today than it was several years ago. everything about her makes me happy even, oddly, when she talks about her plans for the future, most of which doesnt involve me or LA or blogging or getting naked with me.

    maybe its because sense of self gets removed in a good way when youve found your truest and the other simply becomes a part of you thats somewhere else, doing other things, with other people.

    perhaps its all just beautiful rationalization or maybe its something else. would i like for her to say oh tony i wanna live with you in hollywood and dress like a school girl and bake for you and organize your closets and take weekend trips up the 1? maybe. but id rather her say something like

    the world is ours. i could rock it with you or without you but even without you we are always together. so lets just play it by ear and in the meantime get wasted and bang like everyday is spring break. since it secretly is.