1. Friday, April 11, 2008

    xTx asks: “Tone…did you listen to howard yet today? 

    rtie had a major meltdown and resigned from the show… it was intense! yikes!”

    yes i did. i listen to howard every morning. hes one of my all time idols. i have the second stiletto, it sits next to my bed, it starts recording at 3am and it records for 6 hours.

    like most stern fans, artie is my second favorite person on the show next to howard. one reason i love artie is because hes so out of control – the drinking, the overeating, the drugs, the gambling, the overwork, the falling asleep at work on the job, the grandma capprio. artie is so out of control that even though hes so beloved by fans he still feels like he needs to go to hookers to get sex.

    the meltdown was classic because teddy and artie blamed each other for everything, howard tried so hard to be supportive but yet artie tried to blame howard, then teddy tried to blame howard. then artie said he loved howard and walked off.

    textbook drama. textbook human nature. textbook bipolarity of artie dancing with Lisa G one minute saying how happy he is to be flying to amsterdam later that day and the next minute trying to jump over the console so he could bitchslap his lame assistant.

    ultimately i blame teddy. artie is the most generous man on the show. he gives everyone and anyone money. from jeff the drunk to strippers to fans. plus everyone knows what a fragile person he is. so if teddy is nagging him about bonuses, if hes leaning on artie to give him loans, if hes mooching in any way in regards to money – the issue that seems to have caused the most resentment from our fat radio friend – then its teddys fault, not arties.

    artie is the only man youve ever heard of who felt bad for his bookie after winning tens of thousands of dollars and let his bookie off the hook.

    this morning on Howard 100 News they say that the entire bachelor party of men, teddy and artie included, made it to amsterdam. they say that everyone has seemed to cool off. and tonight there will be a dinner and all parties are expected to be there.

    will amsterdam with its access to any vice that artie can escape to (hookers, heroin, hash, hamburgers) spiral him down a tragic and fatal hole? probably. will this blow up scar the stern show forever? never. was it weird listening to howard be so shaken and down once artie left the show? yes.

    if he doesnt die in amsterdam, do i think artie will return to the show?

    probably not.

    i dont think artie ever enjoyed waking up at 5am to get into the show. i dont think artie knows how to fully enjoy success. i dont think artie ever recovered from breaking up with daner. and as a fellow libra, i dont think that artie will ever be at peace with himself until he’s in a committed relationship with someone who he is deeply in love with.

    artie appears to be the typical libra, no matter how successful he is, unless he is in love, hes miserable. he can sell out the universal amphitheatre, he can be the funniest guy on the most popular radio show of all time – one whose audience is about to balloon to 18 million listeners once the FCC quits cockblocking and allows Sirius and XM to merge – a guy who is even funny while hes sleeping, he can sell out carnagie hall, he can be so rich and fat and surrounded by family who loves him, he can even have just seen his football team win the super bowl, but yet without a real love affair he’s empty inside.

    so yes xtx i heard it, and im sad, cuz i think arties gonna die in xxx.