1. Saturday, May 17, 2008

    no panties 

    its too hot for this i keep whispering.
    she loves fighting and i hate it.
    she loves to scream and it frightens me.
    all the noises from my home make the neighbors wonder, i wonder
    when shes happy shes loud, when shes thrilled shes loud, when shes you know
    shes really loud.
    and when she shrieks out of anger
    all of it, i imagine, sounds like im killing her.
    black man + little pale white girl + only the woman screaming
    doesnt look good for the black man.
    so i whisper
    keep yr voice down or i shut the windows
    MAYBE I DONT WANNA KEEP MY VOICE DOWN
    i dont have ac.
    and i dont have a camera battery else youd all love to see her
    in this velvety purple bra and and super short and striped miniskirt
    neck all red from screaming but rest of her skin coconut white
    bangles flailing black fingernails screaming
    everything loud and dramatic and now shes throwing things
    if she hits my tv there will be sudden silence, so i move into the living room
    and think what i will tell the cops if they come
    id just lie to them and tell them she caught me with her sister.
    cuz no one would believe that when shes happy she starts fights.
    when shes complete she tries to end it.
    everything is upndown. everythings inandout. everythings hotncold.
    everythings self-schadenfreude
    i move the coffee table and lay on the carpet.
    i say you get to throw one thing on me but then you hafta be quiet all night.
    she looks at the couch. she wishes she could lift that.
    sees the tv, but its a 35 inch mits.
    oh fuck she sees the 20 lb dumbbells and goes for them.
    i say just one dear.
    she gets both and holds them over her head menacingly.
    i think maybe ive been making out with the devil himself all weekend
    disguised as paleskinned radiohead fanatic.
    i remind her that even one of those dumbbells at that height could crush my skull
    and i dont dare close my eyes because what if she aims lower.
    all i know is she isnt screaming any more
    and i have the most amazing view up that skirt