1. Tuesday, May 20, 2008

    tom waits interviewed himself 

    you try that, scarlett

    here are some of my favorites from a very long and very good dealie

    Q: What’s heaven for you?
    A: Me and my wife on Rte. 66 with a pot of coffee, a cheap guitar, pawnshop tape recorder in a Motel 6, and a car that runs good parked right by the door.

    Q: What’s hard for you?
    A: Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination. My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane. Math is hard. Reading a map. Following orders. Carpentry. Electronics. Plumbing. Remembering things correctly. Straight lines. Sheet rock. Finding a safety pin. Patience with others. Ordering in Chinese. Stereo instructions in German.

    Q: What’s scary to you?
    A:
    1. A dead man in the backseat of a car with a fly crawling on his eyeball.
    2. Turbulence on any airline.
    3. Sirens and search lights combined.
    4. Gunfire at night in bad neighborhoods.
    5. Car motor turning over but not starting, its getting dark and starting to rain.
    6. Jail door closing.
    7. Going around a sharp curve on the Pacific Coast Highway and the driver of your car has had a heart attack and died, and you’re in the back seat.
    8. You are delivering mail and you are confronted with a Doberman with rabies growling low and showing teeth…you have no dog bones and he wants to bite your ass off.
    9. In a movie…which wire do you cut to stop the time bomb, the green or the blue.
    10. Mc Cain will win.
    11. Germans with submachine guns.
    12. Officers, in offices, being official.
    13. You fell through the ice in the creek and it carried you down stream, and now as you surface you realize there’s a roof of ice.

    Q: What’s wrong with the world?
    A: We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. Leona Helmsley’s dog made 12 million last year… and Dean McLaine, a farmer in Ohio made $30,000. It’s just a gigantic version of the madness that grows in every one of our brains. We are monkeys with money and guns.

    Q: What is a gentleman?
    A: A man who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.

    read the rest on npr, h/t fimoculous