nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, July 27, 2008

    dont tell yr mom yr an atheist 

    still one of my all time faves.

    props to michael’s brother/sister for setting up the camera

    and the dad for letting the mom do all the work/swearing

    and major props to michael for sticking to his guns

    even though hes going to h-e double hockey sticks.

    i would love to see a YouTube show on ABC on sunday nights to fill in the gap that Americas Funniest Home Videos has created by not being around (is it around)

    that way we could see if Michael actually got any Christmas gifts and/or what the bishop thought about one of his parishioners cussing at her kid.

  2. i love her so, but i dont know why 

    maybe i know why. maybe i dont wanna know why. shes super sweet but who cares about that. shes really smart. and funny. and shes a good sport, but what does that matter.

    shes hiding out. shes laying low. shes fresh into town and i am f’ing up her program but thats all in the plan. i act a fool around her. i dont know why. i do actually. i do it cuz id rather be the reason she disses me than her just dissing me her self.

    ive had more than my fair share of hotties. maybe just my fair share. but i cant moan. she was not what youd think id be gaga over. shes not what i thought id be gaga over. but there she was in isla vista and i totally didnt even notice her. it took frisco to show me her. and i diss frisco. yet frisco was all yo yo check it. and i chjecked it and i was all yeah nice whatevs. and then one day it popped. then i was still yo whatevs. then the next day it popped again and then it was over.

    i am the fooliest fool around her. i am drunk. i am worthless. i tell good jokes but theyre always the same. theyre like sit on my lap and lemme tell you a story. theyre liek reach into my pocket i seem to have lost my mind. theyre like no stand right there i just took these xray vision pills and i wanna see if they WOAH! theyre like the worst jokes ever. i know but its love they just diahreah right out.

    they only get worse when her parents are around. for years we were together and i was so boring. all id say is i love you like a gazillion times. id say it in my sleep. id write her notes. id sing little songs. id pay the little kids across the street to come over and singem. id train the pigeons to poop it on her car windows. i thought it was cool. me alone.

    she couldnt get out of my clutches so she joined the peace corps. i think she thought i wouldnt follow her there. but duh. love. hi. one thing led to another and i couldnt follow her out there. yes i got involved in clipper girls and other various cheerleaders but they were all just placeholders. she had put something in my drink a long long time ago and theres no undoing voodoo. she had gotten her wish and lo there i was. and here i am. and there she be.

    today shes in hollywood. west hollywood to be precise. blocks away from the whisky and the roxy and the rainbow. soon she will return to my house. its not the beautiful place it should be cuz my maid doesnt come till wednesday. is she even the slightest bit into me, no. if she reads this will she be even that much more turned off, yes. do i care? of course, but theres nothing i can do about it. the flick has been switched and theres nothing the busblog can do except proclaim devotion to the nth degree. which is boring i know but true soul mate love is making a comeback because everything else is just a tad more boring.

    but heres the catch. if she said jump id say how high and that was a crappy movie.

  3. dear lord thank you for not making me lame 

    if i was running for president or pope or if there was an election to see who wold write the busblog and i had to write a prayer and shove it into the wailing wall and i knew that someone would snatch it out and publish it around the world id write dear lord thank you for not making me a predictable lame piece of crud.

    id say theres stallions and theres flies that buzz around the asses of stallions looking for shit to feed from. thank you for not making me the fly.

    id say i understand why there are flies. actually i dont, but i appreciate that youd think that there was a reason for flies and flyswatters are pretty rad so i get it that maybe flies have a purpose and how else are people supposed to know that theres a huge heap over yonder and what better than a ton of flies but thank you for not making me attracted to dung thank you for making me attracted to wonderfulness and possiblilties and life, etc/

    thats what id say to the wailing wall. id also say please let the cubs win the world serires. id also say thank you for letting the cougar pick me up at the party where maybe i had two too many. id say thank youfor letting the cougar have a laptop in her wilshire condo. id say thank youf or letting the cougar draw a bath for me even though i dont need no bath even tho i dont want no bath even tho oh thats what the baths for, ok cool. ok i gotta run

    id say lord please help the poor and the starving and the insane who sit outside my parking structure every day and talk to themselves, not ;like blogging is any different than spealking to oneself but please bless them in some way i dont know how, let them figure it out, let them find some cash under a beer can, let them write a song thats like Wild Horses or something, but thank you for letting me be me and not insane in the membrane cuz i know how close i am to that and for some reason you let me be here in westwood and not down on wilshire

    or worse.

    but Lord please bless the cubs. maybe i would trade all of this over for that. maybe i would. is that what you want? is that what you need? maybe i would.

    but mostly thank you lord for not making me choose, and thank you for not letting them lose.

    photo by andy sternberg, via flickr

  4. Saturday, July 26, 2008

    is the Hero Complex at Comic-Con? 

    in such a big way it’s pretty much the hottest thing of our 43 blogs. yes Gawker, we have 43. i know, omg.

    we just got some video by Jevon Philips who interviewed Joss Whedon, above, and Eliza Dushku, as well as many others.

    my favorite post so far has been this one from the Lost panel.

    do i wish i had been down there this week and this weekend? yes. am i glad i was in LA to handle business from the mothership? heck yeah. infact my truest has hit LA and tomorrow she and jeanine and i will all re-unite like we did when we went to the famous art show.

    and if we’re lucky we might even sip from a bottle of red wine that chris and i got in madrid during y2k that we wanted to bring back for jeanine but never got a chance to devour with her.

    anyways enjoy the hero complex coverage of Comic-Con where you will also see some cameos by your favorite torontoian not named raymi sass fil pitt or carrie

  5. a year ago today i was in beautiful vancity 

    for my summer vacation

    its hard to believe that it was just a year ago because so much has happened since then.

    but oh the things that happened while in canada…

    i met so many people who i had only read online… i got to see fireworks from several different countries. i got to drink beer while walking through a park.

    i got to truly experience eating poutine after a long night of drinking and after watching a well dressed canadian urinate right in the middle of a classy sidewalk.

    i got to play drinking games with a dutch girl and a local babe until the sun came up.

    i got to eat so much sushi that i finally got it about sushi, so i went back for more and more. i also got it about sake. and about the difference between good sushi and meh sushi.

    i got to meet keira-anne for the first time, who was single then and somehow amazingly still single now. we saw the simpsons movie on a beautiful afternoon and later drank and drank.

    i got to write part of a new novel, i got to take a break from editing LAist, i even got to take JaG for her first visit to a Denny’s.

    not real sure what more i coulda done in canadah. even experienced a garbage strike, even partied with hells angels, even drank with irish girls at the cambie.

    vancougar youre still in my heart. it was perhaps the best summer vacation i ever had as an adult. and i hope the next 12 months are as exciting as the last 12 have been for me, and hopefully for you too.


  6. it’s good to see our buddy matt good having fun on stage 

    i really wish i could have caught one of the full-band shows for hospital music. although it was great to hear your favorite son debut his tunes solo in that little hut in vegas, and then again at massey hall in TO, it would have been nice to see him rock out with the full band out if only for the funny interplay – as seen in this camera phone footage of apparitions.

    one thing to cell phone videographers and hand held video journalists: take it easy on the zoom. pick a shot, stick with it. when the solo comes feel free to zoom, but then zoom back out when the solos over. its not a hard practice. you can even do it wish a molson in yr hand.

    video via matthewgood.org

  7. Friday, July 25, 2008

    answers to yr questions but first dinosaur jr covering the cure 

    at the troubadour

    lowercasecarmen asks: Scenario: You’re playing capture the flag and you already have a Lazy McHates Sports a Lot on your team.

    Out of the following choices you can have three:

    1) Kristoph Lzerk: An angry russian man with only one arm –but a built arm at that. He runs like the wind.

    2) Anabelle Lovely: Sweet, perfect, pink. She distracts anyone with a bat of her lashes.

    3) Danielle and Chad: They come as a team and kill you with love.

    4) Werewolf Man: The name says it all.

    5) Emilio Belucci: A gourmet gelato vendor. His capture the flag skills are crappy at best, but his raspberry cheesecake gelato makes you wanna cry from elation.

    Which ones do you choose?

    all i need is you baby. you and me against the world. bring it on.

    lily: what does it mean when a guys says “i wore hendrix for you” to you.

    that has gotta be a canadian thing. one that ive never heard of before. does it mean Jimmy as in a Jimmy Hat? does he already have it on? yikes. im not sure thats a good thing if its true. hopefully it doesnt mean he is about to set you favorite strat on fire. but honestly i dont know. if anyone else does, feel free to chime in.

    Sharp (aka Azreal Darkskies): You and your arch-nemesis are about to have a final showdown to determine who rules the town. At your disposal you can have a) a gunfight, pistols at high noon, 10 paces-style, b) a sword fight with sabers or c) a high score match to the death on a brand new pinball machine that’s never ever been seen let alone played before.

    d) pants-off dance-off, ftw

    Peter: How do you feel about the possibility of Mark Cuban buying the Cubbies? Do you think that it was him that leaked the fact that his bid was 1.3 Billion?

    when i was in texas i had the rare opportunity to ask mark about buying the cubs. at first i wanted him to do it, but then the mavs folded AGAIN in the nba playoffs and it made me think that although hes an interesting dude and has an interesting blog and is clearly committed – he might not be the brightest owner. he always has good players, he always puts out an entertaining product, but as a Cub fan I want a little more, i want a world champ. he hasnt proven that he can create that yet. so im still on the fence about mr no-bloggers-in-the-clubhouse.

    anti: why is there no #33 on your blogroll? is it in honor of Kareem?

    although i have much love for The Captain, i have lots of love for your south bay amigo xTx, not only does she get 33 but i also put her up there higher on the list. so seek and ye shall find my friend.

    Sarah: What’s it like having such a hot lunch buddy? Per her advice, do you plan on befriending strippers again?

    it doesnt suck to have a hot lunch buddy, neither does it suck to have stripper friends. it also doesnt suck to have cop friends, doctor friends, lawyer friends, metromix friends, or fbi friends either. i think all friends are nice regardless of their professions, which is why i look at my stripper friend slightly different than you might (plus she has retired from that profession, which is fine too).

    lindsay: i like to ask two-parters:

    1) why is it so hard for me to find your archives on here? it makes me hard for me to find pictures of myself.

    2) why do guys lead me on?

    1. i make it hard to find for a few reasons. mostly because i want people to come here every day and stay in the now. today is a new day. today is not boring. today we are discovering new lessons. and its best when we discover them together. the archives are interesting and fun and got us to where we are now, but why look back all the time? if you want my old pics of you just ask, i can hook you up.

    2. because theyre shy and probably just as nervous that you will break their heart as you are that they’ll do the same.

    pitt: you’ve probably been asked this before: what’s your thoughts on group blogs?

    i get asked this all the time. this very blog, not too long ago, like 2 years ago ranked #308 or something on Technorati. that means that there were only a few hundred blogs more popular than this humble url. it is a solo blog in its purist sense and always has been. its different than lots of blogs because it says clearly at the top “nothing in here is true”. but it really is a solo blog.

    a couple of years ago i was made editor of LAist, a group blog. a commercial one at that. i had a publisher who sold ads, i had a staff, i had a tech staff who fixed the site when it went down, i had cohorts running other blogs around the world, i had an executive editor who occasionally told me i couldnt do soemthing, it was the polar opposite to the busblog.

    what i learned from that experience is group blogs have a value that id never fully appreciated before. and within months i totally realized why the vast majority of the Technorati 1000 was and is comprised of group blogs: because a variety of people from a wide spectrum of perspectives can create something far more interesting than a solo voice. what is more amazing, michaelangelos david or the entirety of Rome? they each can evoke awe, but theres something to be said about a real team working together.

    fortunately the two arent mutually exclusive. solo blogs are fine for learning how to blog, for being completely introspective and personal, but group blogs can become mighty and fascinating and powerful in no time. i do love raymi’s blog, xTx, flagrant, etc., but i also appreciate Metafilter, BoingBoing, and the wide variety of group blogs that we have at the Times.

    tina: do you find tattoos on a woman sexy?

    i pretty much find anything on a woman sexy except for boyfriends and/or husbands.

    sass: Hi Yoda, I’m tired. Wanna tell me who my next boyfriend ought to be?

    if you lived in LA the answer would be simple. therefore the answer is move to america.

    PatZ: why is the rest of the world obsessed with an f-ed up game like cricket?

    because they arent aware yet that we have improved it.

    it’s now called hockey.

    C*B: Hey Rockin’ Tony, you little dictator, you little bit of hypocrite — tellin’ your bloggers what to blog and what NOT to blog — because now U DA MAN! And all that talk about open and uncensored — it was just meanin’ OTHERS! What a hypocrite — “and if you want any ideas on what to blog, don’t hesitate to ask…. ME! and I’ll tell you what you could blog about. ” You TELL “your” bloggers what to blog about! What a guy — you are MSM after all, you just needed the POWER. What a jerk you turned out to be.

    was there a question in there? lets pretend there was. if what youre referring to is in regards to my job, i think mr. choire sicha at Radar pretty much nailed it. others have in comments throughout the web (where comments are allowed), but they all pretty much echo what choire lays down. thanks bro.

    Steven Allen Adams: If I may defend Tony before asking my question, he did the right thing by telling his bloggers not to blog about the Edwards thing. Considering no other media outlet has confirmed the story yet – including the LA Times – it was a good move.

    Now my question is how does it feel to be a man that was criticized by Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity?( I think I know the answer to this already)

    a very long time ago a young sean hannity was trying to get a radio show on the college station at uc santa barbara, kcsb. i worked at the station but i was also the arts editor of the college paper. sean was loud, boisterous, sorta exactly like he is now. many did not want him on the air of kcsb. i was one of the very small majority who argued that since we prided ourselves on being an alternative radio station, what would be more alternative than a conservative talk show in the midst of punk rock and bad reggae shows?

    anyways i think i made the right decision then and im glad you agree with my decision this week. im sure those radio hosts felt the same. so right on.

    photos by the joel brand foundation of rock

  8. kelly green, pictured, 

    was the singer guitarist of an IV band called the garden party

    who didnt have a crush on her?

    she played a beautiful green hollowbody gibson, wore summer dresses and doc martens, and sang songs that girls would like and boys wouldnt hate.

    i think i had her band on my morning radio show, good morning goleta, once or twice. but i do know i played their songs all the time.

    there are two lessons i learned at uciv in regards to creative expression and growth.

    number one. if you let thousands of kids play music together on their front lawns and back porches and garages and practice rooms, really good bands will emerge. some out of seemingly nowhere. sadly the nannystate of santa barbara county has gone footloose on IV over the last decade or so and have enforced “noise” ordinances which limit the way bands can play on their private property. thus the amount of great bands coming out of 93117 have all but dried up.

    number two. if you have a college newspaper that comes out every day on a campus with no journalism school, no adult supervision, and no way to be restricted by the school administration, really great writers will emerge. some out of seemingly nowhere. and when they win their college journalism awards they will accept them in dresses.

    photo courtesy the joel brand archives

  9. Thursday, July 24, 2008

    I’m trying out blogging from my iPhone 

    Let’s not get into why I’m not home or why there’s not a computer in this gorgeous home or why I have yet figured out how to get out of this lil mansion.

    All I wanna say is I heart you, I have a mosquito or spider bite on my chest, and I’m very sleepy. As if I’d been poisnd