for sass’s birthday i sent the cobra snake to canada

and told him to take some pictures of her.

he was all, “how will i know her when i see her?”

i was like, oh you’ll know, senior snake!

and sure enough, he slithered his hipster ass up to the great white hotness of TO and took some T&A pics of the s-a double s.

and theyre delightful.

i would ask raymi why she wasnt at the bash where the cobrasnake and the zucketgirl was but if i did shed say soemthing like:

I HAD A LIFE BEFORE I DISCOVERED SASS AND I HAVE A LIFE NOW AND I WILL HAVE A LIFE AFTER AND IT WILL BE SEPERATE AND UGHHHHHHH

and i will say you didnt discover her, she wrote me first and raymi will say

BULLLLLLLLLONEY! WAY TO RUIN MY POST HALLOWEEN HIGH FYI!

then i will laugh and take a drink because any time raymi is faux/furreal frustrated/upset/pissed everyone should drink. its one reason i was buzzed for much of last month.

anyways sass is pretty and if she lived here id take a little bite off the top of her head like as if she was a butterscotch hello kitty.

instant exclusive interview with Sass!

me: sass, what was it like to meet the famous the cobra snake?

sassephine: You don’t really meet the cobrasnake. You’re invaded by a flash and then you realise it’s him. and then you’re all like F#$% drunk eyes and beer gut.

me: you have a terrific eye for fashion, as does our friend, what was mr snake sporting?

sassephine: A white shirt? Who zucking knows. I don’t recall most of the evening. Or I’m going to pretend really hard that I don’t

me: where were you and why wasnt your aunti there?

sassephine: I was at the DEJOUR LOFT. Where I’ll be having my birthday party on this Saturday. Aunti Raymi wasn’t there because she was at another party. But I am going to see Aunti tomorrow night for girly time and cuddles. and I will get to smell her hair. I love aunti raymi. raymi raymi raymi more raymi. Even though we don’t spend every single second together. Have own lives bla bla bla

me: ok quick question. is it true that youre a single woman – still?

sassephine: Yes

me: how is that even possible?

sassephine: UGH. Cuz I keep [sleeping with] losers.

me: ah. explain how they are losers so we can avoid being losers?

sassephine: They don’t like me. That’s pretty much it. So they do what they can to have sex with me and then peace the f out so they can shackle up with some Blonde.

me: so youre dating gay men?

sassephine: No, they’re straight men. And they just don’t like me. It’s possible. And more often than you think.

poor sass. poor canada. poor life not making any sense.

two conversations with karisa about alan iverson

on gchat

November 3, 2008

10:58 AM me: AI traded!

10:59 AM Karisa: if only i cared about basketball… ;)

me: yeah but i thought that was your man!

Karisa: alan iverson? no

me: im so confused

Karisa: i’ve never cared about him

me: why did i think you loved him?

Karisa: no idea

11:03 AM me: AHAHAHAHA. this is exactly the same convo we had almost 2 years ago

11:04 AM Karisa: did you google it?

me: i deeeeeeeed omg i have to post this on the busblog

11:05 AM Karisa: so i said i didn’t care about him?

me: ahah yep

Karisa: ahahahah! that is pretty funny

December 19, 2006

8:30 PM me: did you hear your boy AI is going to denver?

8:31 PM Karisa: al?

me: allen iverson

Karisa: i don’t really give a crap about basketball, tbh

me: i thought you loved hijm!

Karisa: ? since?

me: PeopleSupport days!

Karisa: no. i remember having a conversation with you about watching him when i was a big college bball fan in h.s.
but not since then. not necessarily a fan
the only bball player i ever liked really was reggie miller. i have no idea why
and of course the celtics in the mid-80’s ;)

me: wow i must have been wasted that day cuz i thought you loved him

Karisa: you must have

me: although now reggie miller is ringing a bell

Karisa: nope

8:35 PM me: youre gonna hate your christmas gift then

Karisa: haha ;) what should i get my bf for xmas?

me: a blonde and a redhead of course

more proof how horrible my memory is. something that any of my close friends know, even those who i talk with almost every day.