1. Monday, November 3, 2008

    for sass’s birthday i sent the cobra snake to canada 

    and told him to take some pictures of her.

    he was all, “how will i know her when i see her?”

    i was like, oh you’ll know, senior snake!

    and sure enough, he slithered his hipster ass up to the great white hotness of TO and took some T&A pics of the s-a double s.

    and theyre delightful.

    i would ask raymi why she wasnt at the bash where the cobrasnake and the zucketgirl was but if i did shed say soemthing like:

    I HAD A LIFE BEFORE I DISCOVERED SASS AND I HAVE A LIFE NOW AND I WILL HAVE A LIFE AFTER AND IT WILL BE SEPERATE AND UGHHHHHHH

    and i will say you didnt discover her, she wrote me first and raymi will say

    BULLLLLLLLLONEY! WAY TO RUIN MY POST HALLOWEEN HIGH FYI!

    then i will laugh and take a drink because any time raymi is faux/furreal frustrated/upset/pissed everyone should drink. its one reason i was buzzed for much of last month.

    anyways sass is pretty and if she lived here id take a little bite off the top of her head like as if she was a butterscotch hello kitty.

    instant exclusive interview with Sass!

    me: sass, what was it like to meet the famous the cobra snake?

    sassephine: You don’t really meet the cobrasnake. You’re invaded by a flash and then you realise it’s him. and then you’re all like F#$% drunk eyes and beer gut.

    me: you have a terrific eye for fashion, as does our friend, what was mr snake sporting?

    sassephine: A white shirt? Who zucking knows. I don’t recall most of the evening. Or I’m going to pretend really hard that I don’t

    me: where were you and why wasnt your aunti there?

    sassephine: I was at the DEJOUR LOFT. Where I’ll be having my birthday party on this Saturday. Aunti Raymi wasn’t there because she was at another party. But I am going to see Aunti tomorrow night for girly time and cuddles. and I will get to smell her hair. I love aunti raymi. raymi raymi raymi more raymi. Even though we don’t spend every single second together. Have own lives bla bla bla

    me: ok quick question. is it true that youre a single woman – still?

    sassephine: Yes

    me: how is that even possible?

    sassephine: UGH. Cuz I keep [sleeping with] losers.

    me: ah. explain how they are losers so we can avoid being losers?

    sassephine: They don’t like me. That’s pretty much it. So they do what they can to have sex with me and then peace the f out so they can shackle up with some Blonde.

    me: so youre dating gay men?

    sassephine: No, they’re straight men. And they just don’t like me. It’s possible. And more often than you think.

    poor sass. poor canada. poor life not making any sense.