we probably shoulda gone out months ago but she text messaged my ass and i didnt text message her ass back. and she has refused my advances ever since. email or other wise. i wasnt playing hard to get when i didnt text her back, i just didnt get the sms.
the other day i used the old school Presumptive Close on her. the regular Close is “so would you like to buy these sweaters?” the Presumptive Close is “so would you like the pink and the blue sweaters or just the pink?” or better “would you like the matching scarf and gloves to go with that sweater?”
it makes things way easier.
i saw her on AIM and i just started off by saying “of course i will go on a date with you on Thursday!”
to be honest i didnt know if it would work because – well – sometimes people say no. can you believe it?! omg wtf. but sometimes they say yes. it took the lovely lady a long time to say yes but when she did she said, “fine i will go out with you, but lets not call it a date.”
problem with that is, if the girl doesnt think its a date, how are you gonna get a kiss at the doorstep? also wtf is it if its not a date? hello friendzone!
lucky for me i have esp, even in a chat situation. i knew that girl didnt want me as no friend. dont we all have enough frickin friends? what that girl wanted was a man. a man who could dance with her objections like a matador and red pillowcase.
i was all “baby everyone loves dates. it’s a date. indeed, its a hot date. pick up a plaid skirt.”
she was like, “fine, but no kissing.”
again i ask you america, who doesnt wanna kiss on a thursday in hollywood with a world renowned blogger some carefree brisk autumn evening? the answer: everyone.
i was all, “hot babe. invest in lipglosslike whoa.”
she said fine and for some reason she wants me to confirm today, but im pretty sure she reads the busblog, cuz hi, so this is me confirming. i’ll be at your bachelorette pad tomorrow at 7. so get ready to lol and xxx.