1. Thursday, November 13, 2008

    i wanna write about my band the Burglars but its secret 

    and i think there might be a reunion soon.

    back in the day, you may have heard about it, we would clubhop on the sunset strip and listen to bands.

    if one band was particularly horrible we would take the stockings from out of our back pockets and put them over our heads.

    our three “body guards” would follow us as we rushed the stage and kicked the band off.

    if they put up a fight the body guards would pull guns on them and make them put their heads on the ground.

    our singer would grab the mic and say “ladies and gentlemen – theres nothing to fear at all. for we, you see, are the Burglars, and we, unlike these mother effers, have come to rock. 1-2-3-4…”

    and we’d rock.

    at first the rock consisted of two minute punk songs, ramones covers, and a little motorhead. eventually we started writing our own material because we wanted it to be even harder.

    when we began, to ensure we wouldnt get arrested, we’d pay off the bouncers.

    sometimes the bouncers would give us the money back as we ran out of the club at the end of a particularily scorching set.

    a few things we realized. most people had no idea that we werent part of the original “act”, they thought that it was all scripted.

    also, after a while the bands themselves enjoyed being burglarized. thats when we’d run off with their equipment. which of course led to actual arrests, and the end of the band.

    my favorite show was when we burglarized an extremely popular hair metal band and i was dressed as Pokey from the Gumby show. i had a huge horse costume, and the head of the costume had a stocking over its face. it was pretty hilarious, and hard to do because we had to sew a few stockings together, which wasnt easy.

    fortunately dry cleaners will “alter” anything.

    anyways the other day we were at spaceland and this one band was so bad that i texted my old singer and i was all, “yo jake, it’s tony. we’re thinking about putting the band back together…”

    all i gotta say is we practiced last night, and it was like riding a bike.

    a stolen one.