nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, November 26, 2008

    the busblog would like to congratulate ms brooke burke 

    for winning the coveted Dancing With The Stars trophy

    shes come a long way since having to work with me at the xbi where i was her secret bodyguard and occasional chopper pilot

    brooke is super talented, obviously beautiful, and one of the most professional on air personalities anyone could want to work with.

    but one thing that is often overlooked – her voice is amazing.

    congrats brooke!

  2. Tuesday, November 25, 2008

    tribune corp head honcho sam zell was interviewed 

    at some town hall dealie and answered lots of questions and was as straight-shooting as normal.

    he has a way with making people’s eyebrows raise. two things that made my eyebrows raise was when he explained how one could kill newspapers, and when he talked about the tv station that he owns that i grew up with and how he wants to change it.

    since WGN (which stands for Worlds Greatest Newspaper) is near and dear to my heart, harking back to the days of Ray Rayner, my first tv hero, lets start with that first:

    QUESTION FROM THE AUDIENCE: Richard Bilotti, GSO Capital. I would submit that today the Tribune is truly a television company that happens to sell newspapers. Your television assets probably significantly…in any environment will be significantly worth more than your newspaper assets for the next couple of years. What are the essential changes that you need to make to the television business that you own, if any, given that we’re in the beginnings of a very severe downturn in advertising there, as well?

    SAM: Well, in the case of the Tribune, you’re right that we have 23 TV stations and one superstation and one radio station. Whenever you talk about TV as it relates to the Tribune you have to start with the superstation. We have one of two superstations. Our superstation earns $80 million a year. The other superstation earns $480 million a year. We hit 75 million homes. I think they hit 90. So, obviously, this is a dormant asset that needs desperately to be addressed, which is, frankly, the first place we went to work.

    We also basically doubled the amount of news that all of our TV stations do, because that news is 100 percent owned by the local station, is an enormously successful revenue producer, and is very local targeted. So that’s two.

    And then, of course, we also put all the salesmen on commission and did other irrational things like that.

    But net-net, we’re very, very aware of the TV role, and we’re very aware of what we need to make it better, and we’ve brought in a lot of extraordinary people, who are beginning to make a measurable difference.

    if he says he wants to make a new Ray Rayner morning show for the kids, i swear i will kiss him right on the lips. sadly i dont think that is gonna be the case. and hopefully he isnt thinking about taking the Cubs off the superstation, but you never know.

    anyways, here he explains what you would do if you wanted to kill (or really hurt) newspapers:

    As you and I talked about earlier, somebody has to address the home-delivery question. Right now, if you go across the street and you buy a newspaper from a vendor, you will pay 50 cents. But if you get it home-delivered, which costs the company 10 times as much, you pay 30 cents. I don’t understand. Okay? I mean, you try and make those numbers work, and it don’t make any sense.

    That’s right – if you hate newspapers, or hate Sam Zell, or are pissed off by something that you read, for God’s sake don’t threaten to cancel your subscription – do just the opposite… subscribe! and if you already have a subscription, get a few more for your neighbors friends and loved ones.

    read the whole thing here and chuckle as i did when Jeff Jarvis was identified as Jim.

  3. one of the benefits of being a child 

    is getting to eat endless amounts of bowls of ice cream for breakfast

    you also get to pee in your pants.

    i learned a lot from this last meeting with my niece and nephew. the most important one was that kids get better as they get older. so if i ever adopt im gonna get an older kid. maybe a teen. if theyre troubled, fine, whos not troubled?

    the other thing is the importance of an au pair. my little brother had one from sweden and one from denmark.

    later i went to scandanavia and partied with one of them. all was good. in a few hours i will put up a video interview with robbie who is the italian au pair that keeps an eye on my sisters’ lil ones.

    shes pretty amazing. never gets bored playing with them, never gets uptight if they wanna go swimming or if they want sandwiches, or if they want another bowl of ice cream.

    if someone poops his pants, there she is. if someone cant find a little blanket there she is, if someone wants to find out the word for fart in italian (that would be moi) there she is.

    i have the feeling i need an au pair for myself cuz i dont wanna clean up my room before taking my shower

    but i hafta cuz i think the cougar wants to kiss n makeup before the holidays, but it might be too lil too late cuz another thing i learned from these kids is time goes so fast – blazing fast – should you really stay in situations that you know, ultimately, arent going anywhere?

    sure the sex is good and she will dress up in pretty much anything that my devious mind can imagine but is that really a healthy relationship?

    is that really why her au pair changed her way back when and taught her the alphabet is that why her parent sent her to bording school is that why she took out loans to go to vassar so that some blogger can send a carrier pigeon to tell her to dress up like a [censored because life isnt fair] and have kayne on the boom box when the pizza boy (that also would be moi) knocks on the door?

    well maybe.

    but no, definatly not.

    people should have higher asspirations for their personal relationships than cosplay and pouting.

    but shes such a good cook.

    anyway the other benefit of being a child is you dont have to think very hard. you do as youre told, and if you do that and you want more ice cream for breakfast it’s yours.

    sucks that the rules change when you least xpect it.

  4. Monday, November 24, 2008

    for some reason this video makes me wanna cry and laugh 

    and be scared and be happy

    it makes me super happy that im doing the job that im doing right now

    and for some reason it gives me confidence that if something terrible happens and i lose this, my dream job, that it will be ok because i love new crap and since so many new crap jobs are being created and needed each day maybe i can learn how to do that new crap job faster than the next person.

    for some reason it makes me wanna sing the song “do you realize by the flaming lips”

    for some reason it makes me wanna drive to the midwest and kiss girls and then eat ice cream with em

    for some reason it makes me happy that its 7:30pm and i am in downtown LA and i only have a few more things to do before i eat tacos at a taco truck with a girl whos half persian and half mexican and who sounds like paris hilton

    for some reason this video makes me thrilled and amazed that 64 yr old blogger sent it to me, not any of my “hip” friends or any of my super “wired” readers.

    Do you realize – that you have the most beautiful face

    Do you realize – we’re floating in space

    Do you realize – that happiness makes you cry

    Do you realize – that everyone you know someday will die

    And instead of saying all of your goodbyes – let them know
    You realize that life goes fast
    It’s hard to make the good things last
    You realize the sun doesn’t go down
    It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

    Do you realize – Oh – Oh – Oh

    Do you realize – that everyone you know
    Someday will die –

    And instead of saying all of your goodbyes – let them know
    You realize that life goes fast
    It’s hard to make the good things last
    You realize the sun doesn’t go down
    It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

    Do you realize – that you have the most beautiful face
    Do you realize

  5. GWAR is playing tonight at the House of Blues on the fabulous Sunset Strip 

    I love them so.

    This Toilet Earth is one of my all time favorite cds.

    yet for some reason i never knew until today that they had recorded this Alice Cooper cover.

    im so outta the loop with the kids.

    anyways, only problem i have with this song is its too clean. too perfect. GWAR is mean and aggressive and unpolished – theyre no Harry Pussy, but this song almost sounds like it might accidentally get played on the radio. Shiver.

    the other thing i dont like about it is that song is a Guitar Hero song. Meaning a song i cant listen to any more without seeing those colored notes tearing down the guitar neck. life blows.

  6. she tried to reverse booty call me 

    i was all, do you realize what youre doing? she just laughed quietly. had this annoying way of asking questions when shes asked questions. i was all youre on question restriction.

    she was like whats question restriction?

    i said ok see, that was a question. alls you ever ask are questoins. theres a few things you need to start doing if you want me to answer your questions, i said, the first is you gotta stop with the questions, the next is youve gotta make out with me way more, next you either have to get nakeder or put on funnier clothes.

    she was all funnier clothes?

    i said, again, thats more questions. yes funnier clothes, top hats, monocles, fishing gaters

    she said dont you mean gators?

    i was like is that a question or is that a statement?

    she was all how come you get to ask questions and i dont? isnt that sexism?

    i said now youre doubling up on your questions. put on a top hat.

    and i gotta say at first it was cute so maybe its my fault but then it wore on me.

    so i said, ok, lets do this. its late. and i like this idea of gators. lets double reverse booty call. how about this. we each get two phone calls. i get two you get two. we each can booty call two people, winner is the one who can get someone over here whos willing to put on a gator and a tophat.

    do you have these gators of which you speak? she said.

    i said youre doing that on purpose. she said what. i said you only ask questions. no tophats are on no gators are on and theres no birthday suits. all there are are questions.

    i said now im gonna name that tune double reverse booty call you.

    she said whats that? i took a drink. i made a new rule that with every question she asked i was gonna drink. i was all i can get someone to come over here and wear the gators and make out with me in One phone call.

    she was all, make that booty call.

    then i remembered that i had lost my iphone and hadnt memorize her number so i lost. thus the gators and the tophat during this blogpost. sorry america.

  7. dear rihanna and chris brown 

    saw you on the american teen grammy little girl vote awards.

    it didnt bother me that daughtry beat the eagles and cold play. it didnt bother me that lil wayne didnt win anything. didnt bother me that i was forced to watch the thing.

    but it did bother me that rihanna quite possibly could be the most beautiful woman in the whole place and when she won chris brown didnt congratulate her or hug her or kiss her or nothing.

    and when chris won – including winning the big last award Artist of the Year – he didnt even look at her. he slapped the hands of the fans in the front row but didnt even acknowledge his alleged girlfriend.

    neither of you thanked each other in your speeches. despite the fact that you’ve been touring the world together and have definitely helped each other out.

    heres the thing about love. its fleeting. just like life. just like everything. if youre dating the hottest chick in the house – even if its a huge fraud – even if youre pissed at her for wearing the shortest dress in tv history. kisser when you win it all. hug her. do something.

    even if she says no lets not, youre the man. we are the ones who hit the girls over the head with the clubs and drag em back to the cave by their hair. and we’re the ones who hug our fine biatches when we beat coldplay lil weezey and the friggin eagles.

    and rihanna, if that pretty boy isnt making those pretty eyes sparkle, now is the time to show him the way or show him the way out. even though we’re supposed to know everything, men dont always know it all.

    how is it that neither of you mentions each other on your wikipedia? how is it that you’re gonna sit in the front row on national tv and pretend that you dont even know each other? the black barbie and ken dolls are wasting their time if they think they have to pretend to like each other.

    be with who you wanna be. and when youre with that person, be free. hold hands, kiss, hug, tell the world to piss off. share every secret. risk. jump. its called


    in love for a reason, singers of songs.

    models of roles.

    speech givers, award winners, human beings.


    quit faking. be.

    youve got the rest of your life to ignore the one youre hitched to.

    when you’re young, have fun in the front row of your only life.

  8. Sunday, November 23, 2008

    one of these ladies has the #1 pop single 

    (the second off her album)

    the #1 song in pop airplay,the #1 song in the mainstream top 40

    and is making fun of the other lady’s #1 hit on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Song chart

    but what i love most about katy perry isnt her music, her horrible choice of songs, or her voluptuous bod

    i love her blawwwwg which provides these sort of behind the scenes moments of a pop starlet during her 15 minutes in the spotlight.

  9. Saturday, November 22, 2008

    devil tried to ruin my vacation 

    several times, but failed

    tried to make the cabbie late in el segundo, succeeded
    which made me late for my flight to ft myers florida
    ticket lady said next flights in 13 hours
    ticket lady said or you could come back tomorrow.
    problem was i dropped my keys off in karisas mail slot.
    so i tolder id do a favor for her when i got back and
    paid a hundred and a half extra to fly into miami rightthen
    me n the devil considered that a win win

    rented a car in miami to get to marco island.
    was only supposed to cost two fiddy a week, sal.
    thrifty rentacar figured out a way to sign me out at five fiddy a week
    so after a few days i returned the car thinking id only hafta pay twosomething
    but the devil won that round when the dude said three days equals threefiddy.
    i said youre gonna charge me a hundred and change a day?
    mmmmm kay.

    the kids were loud but adorable. the hottub wasnt as hot as it coulda been.
    i planned on writing a fiddy page report for my employer
    and it turned out to be twenty-one pages.
    not sure if the devil won that round too but this report’s pretty great.
    funny too. so f you.

    to prove to satan i really was on vacation
    i didnt shower or shave for a week

    to prove to tony that he really wanted to show me whos who
    he stole my iPhone in the ft myers to atl flight
    then made karisa oversleep
    then made me watch the lax airport police write so many tickets
    to people just trying to pick up their loved ones.

    but because God is beautiful when karisa picked me up
    he had her fix me a nice champagne concoction
    then she threw together some pita + truffles situation
    she said i think glitter is on tv siddown.

    i never wanna travel again.
    but i wouldnt mind coming back to LA over and over.