1. Monday, December 8, 2008

    i was ho’ed this weekend 

    driving through hollywood so as to charge my iphone,
    i drove past the party i was already late for
    and saw the most interesting sight:
    hundreds of santa clauses spilling out of jumbos clown room.

    jumbos is a small bar that has a great jukebox and a few strippers

    its not really a strip club, but it gives the dive bar a little something special.

    courtney love danced there before she was famous.

    i did a u-turn and parked illegally so i could take some pictures of the extraordinary sight.

    got outta the car and took pictures of some of the santas, elves, and sexy santas.

    there was a punk rock santa who had a mohawk made of candy canes, but the best santa was this hot babe santa who after she posed with her friend for me asked:

    “have you ever been ho’ed before?”

    i said, “i feel like i have, but something tells me i havent.”

    her friend giggled, and she said, “would you like to get ho’ed”?

    i said, reluctantly, for some reason, “why yes, yes i would.”

    the young woman dressed as santa pulled out a thing of lipstick and applied it to her lips, slowly, and then dabbed her nose with the lipstick.

    then she got close to me, put her arms around my head

    and eskimo kissed me.

    you, know, rubbed noses with me.

    it was ridiculously exciting.

    then she gave me the softest kiss on the lips.

    me, a stranger in a cubs hat.

    i said merry christmas and walked to my car with the goofiest smile.

    and a red nose that i gladly explained to all who asked at the party.